|Reviews for Words and Action|
| PaperPancake chapter 1 . 12/17/2011
To be completely honest, I loved this~
I loved how you used the characters in smash bros. for just random people, and their personalities seemed to fit them all so well.
Also, might I add, the way you portrayed Peach's childhood was simply beautiful~ it honestly made me want to cry. 3
Amazing job! :D
| Souldin chapter 1 . 8/18/2011
When I improve upon a story of mine I edit over the pre-existing story. You on the other hand write it as a different story and so I was unsure whether I should just read the later version and ignore this one; after all you've practically reviewed the story in the ending author notes to this one. Then I thought of a great idea; I'll compare the two by reading the first one and seeing how the second version has improved/altered things.
It has the feel of a crime drama, a darker, grittier crime drama than I'm used to (I watch NCIS and Bones and they both have quite a bit of humour to them) but one which is convincing throughout. Though it is dark and gritty in style it also has quips of humour, allowing the characters to feel human, and lines you would only ever hear on TV, which makes the sense that this is a take on a crime drama, rather than actual law enforcement, even more real. I personally like the corny comedy and the long, inspirational speech as the irony in it is amusing and it also prevents the story from being too serious by making it a little bit more uplifting. There is an awful lot of swearing but with the feel of the story, and the character of Falco it makes sense. True, it would be better if there were less of it, but it's fitting for most parts, such as when Red has been mugged and injured. Overall detail, description, and narration are strong and well used, while the romance does have some strong points to it.
You pointed out three problems you found with this fanfic, the 2nd and 3rd of which I don’t mind, this feels like a TV crime drama and such unbelievable moments are fitting for the story. As for the 1st problem, it is also fitting for the darker, more mature TV crime drama that this feels like, though I do think that Peach should have sworn much less than she does in this fanfic. Now my job here is to find further points of criticisms. The introductory line is a bit weak, in fact the opening few paragraphs are quite weak in general. It didn’t really pull me in and I don’t why you wrote both yellow tape and god-speed as ‘Yellow Tape’ and ‘Godspeed’, though I found quite a few words with capitals that didn’t make much sense (such as ‘Action Badass’ and ‘Death by Maze’). Red being as calm as he was with such injuries didn’t make it very believable as he should have been either in agony from his injured arm and legs or panicking about not being able to feel his arm or/and legs. Things would have also proceeded much quicker, as to care for the victim as quick as possible, and to make sure no one panics. My final criticism, although the romantic point at the end was brilliant, is concerning the romance. It feels rushed because we are not shown much development of it, a problem that can be easily solved by showing how they took to one another (or thought of one another) when they first met and first started working together, and how their opinions of one another changed with time. Even having one of them think back to their first impressions of the other and how such an impression has changed would be a good show of development.
Looking back on my review I feel I may have been a little heavy handed with it but it should hopefully help in your future writing (unless you’ve already dealt with these problems in this fanfic’s remake). I will admit that I begun to enjoy this fanfic much more, when A; Falco was introduced and we got to see how the two cops interacted with one another, and B; when I stopped thinking of this as a take on actual policing and instead of a Super Smash Bros version of a crime drama. As a crime drama this strikes the feeling of one perfectly with its general style, characters, and great but unrealistic lines of dialogue. Great job, keep up the good work!
| Kattheamazing chapter 1 . 3/19/2011
Hecks yeah! I finally got round to reviewing this :D Homework's just relentless these days...
This fic has to be one of the best entries I've read. Honestly- it involves easily the most original couple, was hilariously witty throughout, and keeps and thrilling pace until the end. You had me hooked, and I rarely read oneshots.
The fact that you decided to use Falco and Peach just makes this an even more impressive feat. I mean, I couldn't ever have imagined those guys together, but now I can! (it's really sweet, too :D)
I can't get over how awesome Falco's character is! He's bursting at the seams with personality- something that even characters in published novels tend to lack. You've got some incredibly sharp dialogue in here too, and it always achieves the effect it's supposed to have, whether it's to make us laugh or to sadden us.
On the subject of characterisation, I loved the hardcore twist you put on Peach's character. She's normally potrayed as a good-for-nothing ditz, but you lifted her above that and made it believable at the same time. Kudos to you -
The action scenes were pure gold. Falco was funny, badass, and serious at the same time in these, leading us through the epic villian-chases without losing our attention.
After all that those guys went through together, it was all the more sweet to have them kiss at the end. Poor Falco wasn't so good with words, so he did what he did best- use action instead (hence the story's title. A clever link, there :D)
Overall, a brilliant contest entry. I'd be amazed if my fic was in the top three after reading this! Yours has to have a place there :D
Thanks very much for reviewing At Sea, too. Your feedback was pure awesome!
Wishing you the very best of luck,
| Pk Love Omega chapter 1 . 3/10/2011
This deserves more reviews! Its simply amazing! (:
| Hazins chapter 1 . 3/5/2011
Oh, this story is great! I love action scenes, as well as that beautiful romance a the end. What an interesting pairing, though :P
Some of the things that Falco said had me laughing for quite a while..."Son of a bitch's cousin...twice removed." Classic, truly classic. I really need to start saying that!
Anyways, keep writing :D
| Soundwave 0107 chapter 1 . 3/3/2011
Interesting scenario you have here, my friend. You got quite a unique theme of policemanship going on here; Peach is a surprising example to use, but her diplomacy abilities are top-notch, so a good choice, and definitely a good balance with the hot-headed action man Falco XD
Grammar was pretty good, description was up to standard, charaterisation rocked, and having Sheik as a mysterious Scarved Woman with a knife was oddly fitting.
Also, you have a great sense of humour, it seems:
"Son a bitch... Son of a bitch's cousin... Twice removed."
You killed me there. I died laughing. Are you happy now? XD
A good and quite interesting concept for a romance, as the action generally dominated, but the ending part suited it nicely. Peach and Falco are quite an interesting pair, but hey, opposites attract as they say :)
Falco dissing Twlight was also funny, in a somewhat sadistic kind of way. I would advise to brace yourself for any fangirl who happens to come across it XD
Well, a good story, pretty action packed, funny as hell and a nice option for a Romance contest. Spices it up, you know?
With regards, Soundwave 0107.
| MessengerOfDreams chapter 1 . 3/3/2011
Okay, just so you know, I notice the grammar errors in there and how I said RePeachanding instead of reprimanding. I had to hurry so the little kinks need to be worked out. Thanks!