Reviews for Secrets
inkspell21 chapter 6 . 7/29/2012
Man I'm hooked. Well done, it' a very interesting mystery.
firewhisperer chapter 6 . 8/20/2011
Thank you SO MUCH for updating! I have missed this story so much. Yea I can understand life getting hectic. Mine has been that way for the past few months. You've really got the characters' personalities down, I just love Oz. I can't wait until season three comes out. Please update again soon!
The Rain On Your Parade chapter 5 . 5/21/2011
awesome story! love the whole justice league thing thats going on lol but i so dont want secong season, uugh its os weird and the first season is just better :) update soon
WickedBluerose chapter 5 . 5/5/2011
Certainly liking the story so far and looking forward to reading more. I'm bias to liking the first season *a lot* more than the second due to I'm a big Toby/Charlie fan, but as long as the story continues to be well written will enjoy it regardless of time frame.

Only constructive criticism is the use of very very heavy foreshadow at the beginning of talking about finding others with special abilities, but shows do that all the time as well so not a biggie just a bit much IMHO.
gabriel42 chapter 5 . 4/20/2011
Congratulations for your first fic, and for keeping going with it! It's really fun to read, especially the dynamics between Oz and Toby. That bit about Toby relying on his partner as an anchor really makes sense to me, and the harassment, well...;)

Now for the criticism - constructive, I hope; to help you improve your writing. For one, be careful not to let your original character steal the show of our hero. You've avoided that pitfall well so far; just keep it that way.

I also felt that, in some places, you exaggerated the characters' reactions, for instance "Unable to move, Oz and Toby just stared, flabbergasted." I can't quite see that happening, them just standing around and staring stupidly. It's just a doctor they're looking at, after all, not some alien with tentacles sprouting from his head...

Oh, and just because I choked on that sentence, here's a comment about the next one, too: "...while discussing something animatedly." You could make the narrative more vivid if you actually picked some topic for them to discuss, say whether to give this or that to a patient or furniture choices for Dr. Monroe's new office or whatever... You might even be able to squeeze in a little character development, by having the doctor either meekly accepting everything his new colleague suggests or awing him with his vast experience or superior medical instincts or...

Okay, I think Ive taken up enough of your time; hope the comment is useful. And do keep the chapters coming!

Gabriel
firewhisperer chapter 5 . 4/17/2011
Thank you so much for updating! You're just going to drag out the Blondie/Toby interaction aren't you? They have to talk! I am so looking forward to this next chapter. Questions must be answered. Please update soon. :D
InkStainedBlood chapter 4 . 4/15/2011
Hello! Uhh let's see, good story so far, seems to have a lot of potential. :) I especially liked your scene with Ray and young Toby. There was much insight into Toby's character, which I appreciate. A small mistake, however, on the "pumpkin." The pumpkin is not the ambulance they drive, but Oz's personal car (which you see in the very first ep and later on in season one, sadly not in season two. :( )

But the spandex/abuse scene was highly hilarious, I wrote a story a few years ago (I think it was deleted) with Oz mentally abusing Toby. Because, come on...you know it happens with those two. :P

And sorry, I tend to give really long, thorough reviews (so you can just ignore it if you want to), but I do want to say that I will be looking forward to more of this story and if you need any help or suggestions, you can ask away. :)

-Jesse
Flounder65 chapter 4 . 4/14/2011
Hi Dark Lady. I've enjoyed the story so far. There are good descriptions of what's going on and a pretty nice balance of light (Oz and Toby's interactions) and serious. As much as I'd rather gaze on adult Toby, the flashback was good too because, as you intended, it gave added insight into what was happening in the present. I liked the second person perspective so that we can look at Toby rather than from within Toby, yet still get a good description of what he's feeling - you're doing that really well. Congrats too on putting the effort into thinking about Toby's analysis of people; his conclusions (that people are reluctant to face their own faults) and methods of dealing with what he knows (developing friendships with basically happy people) are spot on. I'm not keen on Toby finding others like him, but that's obviously a personal thing and irrelevant - I was pleased it was another man rather than a child, pretty woman or teenager. Not that there's anything wrong with those, but it's been done both on the show and in fics, so someone closer to Toby will be interesting. As someone else said, there really aren't many Listener fics out there, and even less that are more than one chapter long, so I'm looking forward to more. I think "in tack thanks to Ray" should be "intact thanks to Ray". Thanks for your work.
firewhisperer chapter 4 . 4/1/2011
Yeaaaa! You updated. Thank you so much. I'm so glad that Toby doesn't hate people. I wouldn't like him if he did. You got Oz down so perfectly. He is perfect for Toby. And how he got Toby back on track...brilliant. I think that Blond man is going to find Toby, Toby would be hard pressed to find him I think. But they have to meet again soon! Please update ASAP I don't care if the chapters are short, they're still good and that's what counts.
firewhisperer chapter 2 . 3/31/2011
Awwww that was so cute. Poor Toby. I'd be exhausted too. Please update soon!
firewhisperer chapter 1 . 3/31/2011
Ok, Oz is evil. Hilarious, but evil. It took everything I had not to burst out laughing and have a lot of people look at me like I was crazy. Good job. :) Keep it up!
firewhisperer chapter 3 . 3/31/2011
You HAVE to update this story. It's awesome! Who is this new guy? I have to know. Please put me out of my misery and update soon.
Kalanna Dae chapter 3 . 3/20/2011
Definitely interesting exploring Toby's abilities. It's always interesting to discuss them, since, well, mind-reading is always open to interpretation, as I've discovered in my planning of a Listener one-shot.

And you can't just leave it there! There are defintely not enough Listener fics out there, but the ones where Toby finds others like him are always the ones I enjoy the most, like Iris is one of my favorite episodes.

Please, please update!

(By the way, have you had the opportunity to watch the second season at all?)
oceanspurplesun chapter 3 . 3/20/2011
really good. I like how you are "exploring" Toby's gift. Keep going. Post often ;]