Reviews for The king, the girl and the lion
WhatUp14 chapter 36 . 8/3/2012
Note: First off, I feel incredibly...Dumb. In my last review, I read the chapter so quickly, I forgot to a) read the title and b) finish the bottom of your author's note. When I was going over it again, and I did both of those, well...Lucy's alive! Please forgive my now-useless opinion, I should've thought it over before posting. Reviews are supposed to be thoughtful.

Wow, that was a surprising twist. This chapter was written well, it flows good, and you have a nice mix of description, dialogue, and emotion to draw the reader in. I can also see the characters building up a little bit, so it'll be interesting to see what they're like by the end of the story. Anyways, I look forward to reading more later!
-Ly.
WhatUp14 chapter 35 . 8/3/2012
She's not dead! I swear; I thought Edmund was pulling a scheme. But then, when you mentioned the bodyguards... They don't look surprised.
So, to revise my theory, Edmund somehow also decieved the bodyguards into believing she's dead, and he's working to get out of the camp for whatever reason.
I think.
Or you could've killed her.

I love this chapter, it was short, yet it gives the reader so much to think about! I shall read more...(although I fear it's getting late for me, so I'll do more tomorrow).
-Ly.
WhatUp14 chapter 34 . 8/3/2012
Hmm; the whole time, I was thinking, 'don't die!'
The beasts are an interesting part of the story. For a while, I'd forgotten about the traitorous bodyguards, but now I'm on alert again.
But I can't say what their intentions are... I guess I'll have to read on. :) Anyways, yes, the moral was pretty obvious here, but I liked it. But, as you said, you're not here to be subtle.

Sorry, I don't have a lot of constructive thoughts in mind right now, so I just decided to write a random review about what I'm thinking regardless. Is that fine?
-Ly.
WhatUp14 chapter 30 . 8/3/2012
I'm surprised I forgot about this, but you see, when I'm reading a friend's story, and they're worried about the length of a particular chapter, I always say: Quality is better than length.
For example, it's better to have a three-page chapter with meaning than a seven-page chapter with none. And usually, your chapters have quality, so you're good! Nothing to worry about. :)
So anyways, just keep that in mind! Your chapters are usually a good length, and the short ones still add in to the bigger picture.

Now, secondly, in previous chapters, when Edmund feigned nonchalancy about his existence, it was a bit surprising but I could understand a little bit because he was being threatened (at first) by Aragorn. But now? Poor Edmund! Is he really not upset about Lucy's 'prophecy'? Or is he just pretending he's fine?

Oh, and as usual, over the past six chapters I have not noticed many mistakes. I do have a couple particular suggestions, but I feel it would be a bit tedious or rude to point out every little thing. If you'd like to hear them then I can message them to you.
-Ly
WhatUp14 chapter 24 . 8/2/2012
Hmm, I kind of predicted she would sneak off, except I expected it to be more when she met Tumnus, not after returning home once more.
And that's harsh; 'They want a king, not a queen.' Poor Lucy. I hope her father comes to his senses a bit more...

Anyways, yes, your chapters have been short, but I'm sure they're building up to something more. As for other thoughts, it would be tedious to say 'well-written, no errors' every time, wouldn't it? :)

-Ly
WhatUp14 chapter 18 . 8/2/2012
My best guess is Narnia. :)

Anyways, again, it was written very well with little errors, and each chapter helps build up to the next. :) I fear to say I have little comments right now, however, so I shall read on.

-Ly
WhatUp14 chapter 11 . 8/1/2012
Hmm. Your fanfiction portrays an interesting conflict thus far; deception and creating false enemies. As a reader, I find it slightly sad, watching them head to war, but I'm sure you'll come out with a good ending.
I like your writing style, and how the wording fits the setting and time frame. I found little error, minus a few typos, and the pace of the story is good!
I'd also like to say you're wording for this story suits the two books it's based upon (again, I haven't read the whole series of neither, but I've read The Hobbit and The Lion, Witch and Wardrobe).
So all in all, good job! Now to read the rest thirty-three... :)
-Ly
Supreme Arcanite Magician chapter 39 . 7/11/2012
Hello there,

Interesting trial. :) I think the next chapter will be more interesting however - I won't deny I like an intense battle royale. Also, I don't care how long your chapters are, as long as they're well-written, which they are.

Kind regards, Rick.
Supreme Arcanite Magician chapter 38 . 7/11/2012
Hello there,

I admit I did not expect Edmund to possess some sorcery - even if it's just a bit. But it might come in handy later. Aragorn also seems really forgiving to Edmund all of the sudden. In the beginning of the chapter he could almost kill him, and by the end of the chapter he allows Lucy to frequent with him. Slightly odd, isn't it? Oh well, I guess he has good reasons.

Kind regards, Rick.
Supreme Arcanite Magician chapter 37 . 7/11/2012
Hello there,

Great chapter. Although I was hoping for a long discussion between Lucy and Aragorn, I think you did better by avoiding that. (It was also wat I was expecting, given the title of the chapter.) But overall, great chapter.

Kind regards, Rick.
Supreme Arcanite Magician chapter 36 . 7/4/2012
Hello there,

What can I say? As I said in my last review, of course Lucy is still alive. (Which is a good thing obviously. :) ) You also made her a much greater leader than in the original movies, where she's displayed as the little sister. But even then, she has to deal with those rebellious Gondorians.
Already looking forward to the next chapter.
Kind regards, Rick.
Supreme Arcanite Magician chapter 35 . 7/2/2012
Hello there,

Let me put it straight: You didn't kill Lucy. Why? Because ethics say you can't kill a main character. And because you mention her in the preview of the next chapter. But overall, because anyone who kills a little, innocent girl has not the slightest honor within himself. (Mostly the second reason, it makes the most sense.)

Kind regards, Rick.
Supreme Arcanite Magician chapter 34 . 7/2/2012
Hello there,

Never thought I'd ever say this but: "This doesn't make sense!" (Sure, this is fanfiction, nothing is supposed to make sense. :) ) The point is: What kind of army is strong enough to take both Gimli and Legolas down? Even outnumbered they should- not exactly easy, but still- be able to win that battle. It makes me wonder... Anyway, I'm going to read (and review) your next chapter.

Kind regards, Rick.
Supreme Arcanite Magician chapter 33 . 7/2/2012
Hello there,

First of all: It feels good to review again. It really does. :) As for the review itself: The flashback of the Pevensies and the minotaur (as referred to in 'Settings') was really well written. Aragorn however seems a bit cruel, sending a twelve year old to prison, not exactly honorable. Of course I understand it, but still... Overall, great chapter again.

Kind regards, Rick.
nonokun24 chapter 29 . 5/7/2012
Hehe that scene with Edmund and Peter, you inspired from Caspian and Peter’s fight in the second movie, didn’t you? Cool!

Oh man, what’s hapening to Edmund?

Great chapter, so lovely Ed and Lucy together. Want to read when Lucy meets Aslan
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