|Reviews for Dark Angel|
| dream lighting chapter 5 . 5/6/2015
Please finish first one I liked please don't be Off line update
| superlady123 chapter 1 . 11/7/2014
How long before you update it
| Sephira Vanya Estelwen chapter 5 . 10/1/2013
I soooooooooooo want to read more please. Please update soooooooooooon!
| watergoddesskasey chapter 5 . 7/4/2013
| MusicOfMyMind chapter 5 . 3/22/2013
I love it when they are at the restront and jay thinks he's super high, best part ever!
| ianxfalcon chapter 5 . 6/3/2012
You know, I always try to look for good parts in every story. I try to mention them in my reviews, because I'm actually a pretty nice person, even if it may not seem that way. But - there are no good parts in this story. I'm sorry to say that.
I will never understand why Mary Sues exist. They are a virus, they spread with an alarming speed, but where the hell did they come from to begin with? And why, oh why, do people just let them? Your Araya is a blatant Sue, and I hate her. Do you know why? Because she is ALWAYS whining, and she has no real reason to. Because she has "powers" that doesn't exist in this universe, and because she has absolutely no reason to be here. At all. She doesn't DO anything! What is her point? You gave her these powers that are supposedly meant to make her important to the quest, but so far, she hasn't changed anything in the she does is talk about herself, and then whine some about how Metatron just isn't THERE FOR HER when she needs him, despite the fact that he has a pretty important job to do. And if the other characters were in-character, they would not put up with her because she only distracts them on their mission. Which, by the way, isn't an everyday occurence like you make it out to be. In fact, it has never happened before. If you're going to put an OC in an existing story, you have to make them affect the plot. Otherwise they are just useless. The only thing you've changed in the plot is that now Bartleby and Loki don't know there are any consequences to their re-entry, becayse they were never told this. And that only makes them look more sympathetic.
And you haven't made us believe that Metatron is in love with Araya. The writing doesn't show us that he has any feelings at all for her. It just tells us that, but if we're going to believe it, we need to be shown. That is an important part of writing. Not to mention that she is exactly the type of person canon Metatron would hate. Also not to mention that Metatron is VERY out-of-character. If you love his snarky, snottish self in the movie, than why change him into some sort of off-brand Victorian romance hero? And if you don't like his movie self, why not just write an off-brand Victorian romance story instead of a Dogma fanfic?
Oh, and the canon rape. There is no possible way Araya could even exist. I can believe that, maybe, God could grant an angel a wish to become human, and that former angel could go ahead and get a child. But demons? They cannot. They can't change their appearance and they can't become human. That was a pretty big plot point, you know. Demons are fallen angels and as such, they have no genitalia. They cannot conceive. And even if they could, it makes no sense that the child would have both their powers, since her mother was a human when she got pregnant. Had she not been human, she would not be able to get pregnant. That fails on every level. And what are her powers, anyway? She can set fire to things? Why? In what way is that even connected to her angelic or demonic heritage?
Then there's the writing itself. You could use a Beta; they are there to fix these kind of things. "Threw" and "through" are not the same word; "bullshit" is one word, and so is "another". If someone is screaming or yelling, there should be an exclamatin point at the end of their line. If someone is asking a question, there should be a question mark. And whenever you write dialogue and there's a new person talking, you change paragraph. Commas are not for decoration; they are actually useful and you should learn to use them. Get a Beta, please; you need one.
And lastly, a friendly advice: don't spend so much time describing what your character looks like. Sure, we might need to know a little, so we can get a picture of them in our heads, but we don't need an entire paragraph devoted to their looks. Better you tell it flowing in the text instead of stopping the whole narrative to tell us someting we really don't need to know, and quite frankly, don't really care about. The only time that is acceptable is when their looks are important to the plot or when they are extremely weird or unusual. For example: Azrael's horns marks him a demon, so that might be good to know. The angels' lack of genitalia are also unusual, and important to boot. The fact that Araya has her hair in a ponytail? It really doesn't matter. And her clothes? Yeah, try to write it like this instead (just an example): "She got really pissed when she accidentally spilled some taco sauce on her t-shirt, staining the picture of Edward Scissorhands. It was her favorite t-shirt, and she didn't have the time to wash it right now."
| 0oBellina0o chapter 5 . 3/28/2012
Great story! I love how shw accepts him even though he, well, lacks something crucial ;)
Have you abandoned this story for good? I hope not! :(
| OwlsCreed chapter 5 . 1/5/2012
SO COOL! Please, please continue. I can't wait to read more!
| Kate Andromeda chapter 5 . 9/8/2011
I love Matatron and this story with Araya. PLEASE update!
| softsocks09 chapter 5 . 8/15/2011
yaay! cant wait to read the next chapter
| musiqbunni chapter 5 . 8/9/2011
thank you for updating!
| ViveWonderland chapter 4 . 8/6/2011
Cliff hanger! I really like this story! I can't wait for an update...
| xX-SpectrumBrie-Xx chapter 2 . 6/25/2011
Oooooo! Sorry, that was the noise I made after reading this. Frankly, I LOVE it :D plz plz plz continue. I love the idea (and the Metatron)
| ViveWonderland chapter 2 . 5/26/2011
Well done. I can't wait to read more. Update soon.
| musiqbunni chapter 2 . 5/8/2011
liking the story so far... update soon please! _!