Reviews for The price of my heart
owlhero chapter 1 . 11/15/2011
First of all, I dont think you write with this much power is so few words yet. I am extremely impressed.

I love the repetiton with the he's, the ands, and the all's. It just screams how much Zack has put of himself into the secret of his heart.

The words brought him to life had me wondering. I wonder if they meam his other side- his knight in shining armor part of him.

The imagery was heartbreaking with the blood stained hand reaching toward her snow dress. Its alomst as if the Cody/Bailey relationship cut so deep it was going to kill him and he's reaching out in a last ditch to live. Only for the couple to walk away and leave him to his pain, unknowing of the damage they have caused.

It speaks to how Cody thinks he knows what his brother is thinking but sometimes he does same goes for all of us.

His passion is put forward in full measure and it fails. How tragic.

At the same time, Zack is so honorable he would not let his feelings destroy his brother's relationship and he would fall on his sword.
the-lovely-anomaly chapter 1 . 3/27/2011
This reminds me of Shakespeare's work - so poignant, so painful. But incredibly powerful. I love the sybolism of love "piercing" a person's heart, and the simple yet sensory image of Zack's bloody hand reaching out to his beloved Bailey. Great work! You are an amazing writer.

Btw, in case you didn't know this, SkarletMetal is my sister. ;)
slfjglfkjgflkjg chapter 1 . 3/13/2011
could you please explain this? I don't understand it.
Wyntirsno chapter 1 . 3/8/2011
Wow, poor Zack. Did he kill himself? I hope Bailey isn't married to Cody, because I'm hoping that he wouldn't just let his brother die, or even bleed like that.

I can see him loving her like that, since both twins liked her at first.

I like the style you used here for this story. It tells a lot of story in a few words.

Can't wait to see what you come up with next. :)
woundedhearts chapter 1 . 3/8/2011
Aww nice symbolism. I like the part about the white dress and two souls basically becoming one. Please write more. :)
tiger002 chapter 1 . 3/8/2011
A very interesting story. I'm not quite sure what is going on, but you certainly have an unique way of telling the story. I really like your repetition to get your point across. The contrast between Zack being brought to life by her, and then dieing was startling, along with Bailey's cold walking away. I'm like to see you post more stories, this was quite interesting.
Elianna22 chapter 1 . 3/7/2011
This reads like a bad dream in a Romeo & Juliet sort of way. If I'm interpreting it correctly, Zack is secretly in love with Bailey, who is married to Cody (or possibly somebody else), and he decides to end it all by stabbing himself in the heart. Because it's written in the future tense, it also sounds like it could be a fantasy, like Zack is imagining what it would be like to unveil the sorrow of his unrequited love. If Bailey really is married to Cody, then I definitely think it's either a dream or fantasy because Cody would automatically react to such a gesture. No way would he just walk away. Keeping so many details ambiguous is a great way to prompt analysis... I would be interested in seeing more such pieces.
Friedchicken23 chapter 1 . 3/7/2011
This was very beautiful and touching. I think it's about what the heart wants,but can't have. But that's just my connection,it might mean something totally different.