|Reviews for NGE: Nobody Dies: The Trials of Kirima Harasami|
| Fourtoes chapter 5 . 4/25/2016
I absolutely love this. It's funny, cute, emotional... Everything a good fic needs.
| Guest chapter 5 . 10/6/2013
guilty for poking Emi's house without the short-haired girl there
- poking around (emphasises the house)
- poking around in (emphasises the contents of the house)
| Arthur Dent chapter 4 . 10/6/2013
"she would probably be reconsidering possible reasons for why"
- for this to work, you probably have to have told us earlier about the reasons that she was considering
"You should really watch where you'd going, stud.
- you're; short for "you are"
| Arthur Dent chapter 3 . 10/6/2013
This needs another quote:
So, have you two ever... heh, kissed?"
| James chapter 2 . 10/6/2013
I think that there needs to be a section break between these two sentences:
"They must be havin' so much fun!"
Yui Ikari grips the bridge of her nose to try and stave off a pressure headache.
| authority02 chapter 5 . 10/4/2013
This is beautiful. You are beautiful.
I can't stop smiling ;_;
| authority02 chapter 1 . 9/22/2013
They're so cute 3
I love your prose!
hpmor led me here
| Lendary chapter 5 . 9/5/2013
Noo don't make it end!
It's so funny and so cute and so horrifying.
| Less Wrong chapter 1 . 8/12/2013
This is brilliantly funny and I hope you resume it someday.
| Less Wrong chapter 2 . 6/16/2013
Standards for humor: met.
| DirtNap chapter 5 . 11/10/2012
Poor Poor Kiri...I'm not even sure the last time this story was updated but it has been a very entertaining read and very nice character development :)
| Nolrai chapter 1 . 10/3/2012
I actually like this story quite a bit better then Nobody dies. Possibly because its more restrained, and focused, and has the most ridiculous stuff happening mostly off camera.
| Abezethibou chapter 1 . 1/5/2012
Honestly, I was skeptical that somebody could make this concept work. After all, Nobody Dies is an action fic with comedic elements. I was uncertain that anybody could successfully manage to turn it into a slice of life story. But, you managed it. You managed it spectacularly. While there are a couple flaws, they are completely outshined by how much this story does completely right.
Your characterization is almost spot-on. Rei, Hikari, Touji, Kei, etc. You do a fantastic job with building up characters that don't really get the spotlight, and staying faithful to the characters that do. Your character interactions are incredibly well done, and flow quite well most of the time. They feel completely natural.
The way you use numerical page breaks to separate section from section is an effective concept that just works. It works really well. It keeps the reader from getting disoriented, and makes transitions move along quite smoothly, instead of becoming incredibly confused by the frequent neccesary time jumps. While a minor complement in comparison, it is nice that you manage to keep track of which number you are at, despite the fact that you're up to number 40.
With speaking of internal continuity, you do it quite well. Your story flows together, from scene to scene, and it you manage to avoid any real confusion or consternation on the part of the reader. On the whole, your writing ranges from solid, to fantastic. You manage to adequately set up scenes when that is set up scenes when that is all you need to accomplish, and also manage to effectively touch the writers heartstrings.
You don't go over the top, which is a key flaw that medioce writers make when they try to move the reader. You create short, simple sentences, and make the touching moments feel completely natural, and create situations that human beings occur all the time. This results in the audience being able to identify with the situation, and therefore the able to be moved as well.
Your original characters, are, on a whole, incredibly well constructed. Kirima manages to succeed brilliantly. While similar to the character of Asuka, she manages to escape being an Asuka clone, because of the fact that really, she is just a normal girl. She has some issues, but unlike Asuka's, they're ones that a typical human being can relate to, and just feels... normal. She's your average character, who the audience can relate to perfectly.
Sasoriko is great. She functions as a perfect counterbalance to Kirima, and provides excellent comic releief, especially given your skill at comedic timing. however, she also manages to have a degree of depth to her, beyond her simple gimmick. It feels like there is much to explore with her character that you just haven't done yet.
That said, there are one or two flaws. There are a couple weird continuity glitches (IE- given the timing, I'm not positive that Maya would have been working at NERV at the point of her initial appearance in the story, although that exactly when she became Rei's babysitter, I could easily be wrong about that), and Rei's cry of "For Great JUSTICE!" simply feels weird, since it felt like she picked that up from her friendship with Kensuke, something that doesn't occur until several years later.
Finally, it feels like certain characters could use a bit more exposure and depth. While you've started giving some color to Emi's character, her personality could use more fleshing out. Kensuke is about as personalityless and generic as in the series, which is problematic, given how since this story is more focussed on the school life of the characters instead of the Angel attacks, NERV, et al. he is should be playing a part in the story.
And three are one or two weird typos or grammatical errors. While these are usually ignorable, her calling Sasoriko "Saso-chan" and then Sasoriko telling her to stop calling her "saso-san" is just... weird.
Overall though, these flaws pale in comparison to the successes. Very brilliant story, that sadly can only appeal to a niche audience.
| Felix Collins chapter 5 . 12/6/2011
Bweheheh. I must congratulate you on a good job here. The story is hilarious, keeps well to original flavour (ND obviously, not NGE) and the characterisation is brilliant. One thing I kind of do want to see more of is Kiri interacting with Hatchi more. There is just so much more potential for awesomeness there. The idea of the Ree having an 'Everyman' sidekick is one that needs to be explored in greater detail. The rest of the story is certainly not lacking, but the real unique part of this story is the opportunity to explore the relationship between them.
| Phantom Dennis chapter 1 . 7/16/2011
Aw, poor Usagi. I'm glad it wasn't a little sister, as I originally thought.