|Reviews for Cartoon Underground|
| steelerdude0 chapter 10 . 10/12/2014
This story is fantastic! Possibly the best story I have ever read on here. Why is there no Grim or Mordecai and Rigby? Hope you update it soon.
| ravage666 chapter 10 . 6/29/2014
You sir are on a roll. I hope you continue with your amazing story.
| PumpkinPrincessJac chapter 10 . 5/12/2012
YOU ARE ALIVE! And with a great chapter? ASTEROUS! Anyway, I wanted to say that I love how you portrayed Jenavene skills and hope to be of help to you in the future.
Also, am LOVING the other characters you're putting in here!
| OmegaDelta chapter 10 . 4/23/2012
This should be good the power of the ed's is coming in stronger every mission update soon
| Recursive Sweatpants chapter 10 . 4/22/2012
I'm ashamed to admit it, but I am now completely and utterly lost.
This is most likely just a problem that I have myself, or it could've been that I've forgotten a lot in the time span between chapters, but I have no idea where anyone is or why they're there anymore. As such, I'm afraid that now I can only help you on the grammar and general storywriting aspects of this fic, and not anything plot- or character development-related.
I normally strive to avoid redundancy, and I know that I'll be going six for six here in mentioning this in my reviews, but it is becoming more and more important with each chapter:
REREAD WHAT YOU WRITE AND FIX SPELLING AND GRAMMAR ERRORS!
Grammar is the base of writing, and one should have a solid understanding of it when they make stories. Plot elements, storytelling, and everything else is hard to define on a purely right-wrong basis, as different styles and interpretations can allow for different things to happen. Grammar for the most part, however, is purely binary; there's correct grammar and incorrect grammar, with no acceptable gray area between them. Every story needs correct grammar and spelling, as they are fundamental to writing. I implore you to look over your chapters after letting them sit for a few days so that you can pick up as many errors as you can. Copy and paste your chapter into Microsoft Word and run the spell checker, and it should pick up grammar errors as well as fix your spelling.
Anyway, enough of me ranting. I'm glad that you're continuing the story. Take your time with writing; you should never feel pressured to update at a specific deadline if you feel it will mean compromising anything in the chapter. Believe me, I've had my bouts with procrastination plenty of times, but usually once you start writing you get into the swing of it and keep going for a good ways.
| thesoniczone11 chapter 9 . 3/11/2012
This story is amazing!
| PumpkinPrincessJac chapter 9 . 2/16/2012
Wow...it really took me THIS FREAKIN LONG to review this chapter. And I'M the one helping you with it. Dummy moment'
So anyway, I'm very happy with this chapter, other than the fact I had to read it over a few times to make sure I know where everyone is. Now, here's a small list of specific things I liked:
1. Eddy & Buttercup's battling skills: Hotheads can work well together when absolutely nessisary, then they can yell at each other, then calm the hell down enough to make-up(sort of) and go back to fighting. All around, awesome
1 & 2/3: The team-up of Ed and Odd. Who knew and idiot could work so well with a Cat-guy? Apparently, you,
1 & 3/3: Knuckles, Finn, Flapjack, and Jake. Do I REALLY need to say anything else
2. I'm a HUGE GAoBAM fan, so I was freaking out when I saw Billy & Mandy in there. Awesome choice of charies to put on the side
3. The twist you put on Ice King here. You made it so emotional that I had to stop in the middle of the first 'Alone' section to catch my breath. I felt so bad for the old fart So, thanks for the insight
4. How Double D is trusted enough by Johnny to go off on his own and save Ed's beloved-but-scared-of baby sister. Swear to god, Sarah is my fav EEnE girl, so I hope to see more of her soon
& 6. Jenevene's part in the story so far (Well she's my OC, so of course I have to say something!). So anyway, I'm going to admit right off the bat that I feel you've been portraying her in the way I asked, so very happy on that. Now, I feel this chapter is her first small step in the story, so I wasn't expecting too much. But your porportion of her in this chapter was around what I expected. I also love how she was the one girl there, but she could make most of the other boys freak out over something she explained like it didn't bother her. I just wish she could have down a little more magic, but hey, what can you do? Besides, your loyal readers will get to see more as the story goes on. I just hope she's at least tolerated in this story. I wonder if I can get some input on that from these other readers.
So, see ya soon, dude! XD
| That Ricky guy chapter 9 . 12/5/2011
This is an amazing series so far, I think you've captured the characters personas very well. Don't stop now! Your on a roll!
| Mystic Freddy chapter 9 . 12/3/2011
Nice chapter. I lol'ed at the part where K'nuckles screamed "Run like little girls!"
Anyways, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
| OmegaDelta chapter 9 . 12/1/2011
So Sarah survived the black ocean ordeal lets see how she has been doing with out the others to help her nice chapter update soon.
| Recursive Sweatpants chapter 9 . 11/30/2011
Insistent on writing asininely-long chapters as ever, I see. Again, while I commend your effort and perseverance when it comes to length, you must keep in mind that a chapter (on this site anyway) is something that one should be able to read comfortably in one sitting. When Youtube removed the length limit on videos, many people with episodic series tended to keep their episodes at around ten or twenty minutes long anyway. People start losing attention after that mark usually unless the series is really good (and leaving off on an exciting cliffhanger is a good way to ensure people get excited for the next video), and most people usually don't have much time to spend watching only one video or reading a long story anyway. Not only that, but on a personal note it's hard (for me anyway) to keep track of what's going on in the story, as I often find myself focusing more on keeping my place as I scroll through mountains of text than paying attention of what's actually happening and where everyone is.
I'm glad you addressed the fact that your chapters have grammar errors here and there, but I don't think that taking an extra day to read through it and iron everything out would be too big of a stretch (again, writing shorter chapters helps with this). If I had to pick out recurring problems, you're supposed to put either a comma or a period when a sentence leads to a piece of dialogue. For example,
"Um…no problem." the boy reached onto his back and pulled out his sword "We stopped Susan, right? How hard could these guys be?"
This should be treated as three separate sentences, as there's nothing connecting the dialogue to anything else (such as a "'Um...no problem,' he stuttered" or "[he] pulled out his sword, saying 'We stopped Susan, right?'"). Knowing when to connect dialogue to narration or leave it as a sentence of its own can make your writing more powerful and improve the flow greatly. Your action scenes are getting better, I've noticed (though that may or may not be because I listened to epic battle music while reading those parts), and grammar aside your storytelling is improving as well. Some things are a bit strange, such as referring to Buttercup's eyes as just "orbs" (without anything else to indicate that they were eyes, I might add), but otherwise there's not much to nitpick at.
Lastly comes the story. Honestly, I don't think much of my input will be very useful anymore at this point. Not only have I ever made a story of this magnitude, but I have never read one that actually had an ending to it. Plenty of them had started off with promise and were a lot like yours is now, but then they would just stop in the middle while everyone is separated and the writer can't figure out how to bring them all together and end it, apparently. If there is one thing I can suggest, it would be to make sure to remind the reader where everyone is now and then (subtly and without interrupting the pace of the story, obviously), as it can be hard to keep track of so many characters in so many places.
All-in-all, however long it takes, I'm glad that you're still working on this to the end, and I'm ready to support you every step of the way.
| Mystic Freddy chapter 8 . 10/9/2011
Sweet! Another chapter. Glad to see Finn and the gang again. But although if you take a show that seriously to think he's going to use a doomsday device to blow something up, you have problems. (No offense to people who hate it, but is just seems silly at sometimes.)
But anyways, nice chapter and keep up the good work.
Also, will we see Ed and Eddy again?
| Lit. Metalhead chapter 8 . 9/25/2011
Another fantastic chapter! Props.
I'm surprised on the inclusion of Time Squad and Juniper Lee. Hope we'll be seeing more of them in the future.
| PumpkinPrincessJac chapter 2 . 8/7/2011
Am finally reviewing this chapter. XP
Anyway, very funny and awesome deelopment. Hope to see more soon.
Look for a PM from me,
Your friend Jac
| Recursive Sweatpants chapter 7 . 7/17/2011
While I'm glad that you don't want to set word limits since you actually break them, please keep in mind that READING 7000 words can be a bit much at times. Also, it makes it harder to go over the whole thing and check for mistakes, and your chapters are becoming riddled with them as a result.
The fight scenes can be pretty drawn out at times. Really, you don't have to describe each and every attack or movement either opponent makes. Detailing key points is a must, of course, but fights are usually fast-paced, and thus shouldn't require too much description. Again, this is where reading books becomes invaluable, because you can see how they make a compelling action scene (I'd recommend Eragon and its sequels for good fights similar to yours) and apply it to your own writing.
That's really all I have to say. Whether you keep a word limit or not, just make sure to read over your chapter to pick up any mistakes and work on making your fights more fast-paced. Keep going at it!