|Reviews for Persona 4: Welcome to Tokyo|
| war hippy fatigues chapter 1 . 10/1/2016
I'd be interesting seeing this continue. The main narrative is quite and the characters are mostly much improved over the game.
There are a lot of things that really irritate me whenever I try to go through the story again. Such as:
There are way too many Personas to keep track of all their character traits, which are extremely shallow and juvenile anyway. Izanugi and Nestis are more than enough to be interesting, the rest just feel like padding for the sake of keeping the story like the game. Plus, the way they each talk with a different character makes following conversations with them difficult.
Too much filler to make the story like the game. We don't need to hear a voice telling us, "SOUJI GOT A NEW SOCIAL LINK OF THE BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON CARD" every single time he befriends someone. We don't need to hear every random school factoid that would be on the ingame test because we, the readers, aren't taking that test.
Too many fight scenes with little impact. Again, this isn't the game, so we don't need to know how every single stupid mini boss fight went or that people can drink soda to replenish their magic points in a dungeon.
Clean this stuff up and the story could be way more focused and impactful, because the bits that aren't annoying are quite good.
| Guest chapter 41 . 7/17/2016
I love the story so far sure its not perfect and it has some bumps and scraps along the way, but i enjoyed reading it alot and do hope it comes along until its finish.
| frozenbranches chapter 42 . 7/12/2016
I'd be interested in seeing this story continue.
Personally, I would like shorter, more frequent chapters. I feel that a long wait in between chapters might end up with me forgetting important events that had happened in the previous chapter.
I like Souji's characterization the most. It's an interesting change from most other Persona 4 fics I've read. I also like the additions of characters such as the Burner. It makes me want to see the plot and conflicts become resolved.
There isn't much that I dislike about the story. Maybe the lectures in Souji's school? That's just a personal issue, though - I'm not very patient when it comes to reading chunks of text.
Thank you for working on this story! I don't know if you'll see this, especially since it's been over a year since the last update, but I figured I'd give it a try.
| Macknife chapter 42 . 6/23/2016
I am very interested in seeing this continue. It's one of my favorite takes on Persona 4.
I prefer shorter chapters released more frequently, if only because that might help the series to possibly pick up some form of steam.
For hobby projects like this, it helps. The bigger what you deal with is, the more probable it is you'll go into procasination and hiatuses. Making releases shorter probably makes production easier and more likely to be done. I imagine you'll feel like it's less of a chore too.
With that said, how you organise a story affects how it is read. Which should be kept in mind.
I like Souji the most about the series, it's rare to find a fanfic that acknowledges the awkward anti-social "nerd" can be just as much of an asshole as your popular high-school douchebag, I also love his character development, along with the way you deal with game mechanics in written text. They're the main reason I really want the series to continue.
The thing I like the least within the story is descriptions, I just feel like sometimes you describe or say something that doesn't need to be said, it makes a chapter longer than it should be, but it's a small thing. Also, Souji's monologues (not Personas, his internal reactions to conversations around him mostly), it is a personal problem though, and I just developed an aversion to monologues because I've seen those used badly in too many Post by Post roleplays.
I'd be willing to be a beta reader, if that means looking at your story before it's done to help with grammar and writing. I don't meet the requirements though because I haven't written anything on this site and I don't really visit it much. This is one of the very few stories I use the site for, but if you want helpers I'm plenty willing through other means. I really want it to continue and possibly finish.
| New Glint chapter 42 . 5/24/2016
I like your story man
| shadownight819 chapter 42 . 1/3/2016
Keep the story going please. It is one of the best I ever seen with this kind of character.
| Guest chapter 3 . 10/7/2015
In response to Lady Igor's question, it was probably Elizabeth. She's kind of an A-hole like that.
I've seen some Neglected-And-Insecure!Souji stories, but never an Actually-Kind-of-a-Loser-With-Debilitating-Problems!Souji story, so I'm interested to see how his character develops. On to the next chapter, I go... :)
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/6/2015
I thought their was going to be more updates. But their hasn't been an update since April. The announcement for more updates was such a tease. I want you to know this story is incredible and hope it continues.
| Guest chapter 22 . 10/3/2015
Dude, this fanfic of yours have my favorite Persona personalities, like Izanagi's apprecation of the female form or Pixie's hyperactiveness or Slime's Pokespeak. I just wonder what you're going to do with Naoto or hell Rise and their Personas.
| Guest chapter 5 . 9/15/2015
Definitely keep going- I've really enjoyed your unique take on souji and the setting. Personally if prefer shorter but faster updates but I know how tht can sometimes lead to rushing/forcing chapters out. However sometimes with longer deadlines there is schedule slippage... I dunno- do the once a month stuff I suppose. You'll get more satisfaction of posting a big chunk
| Genndy Oda C.O.G chapter 42 . 9/2/2015
I just read through the entirety of your story thus far and would like to say:
1. You are doing a fantastic job with the story, and
2. Please continue should you be able.
Genndy Oda C.O.G.
| Ledouche chapter 42 . 8/15/2015
I came across this story thanks to TVtropes a while back and blazed through it. I swear, your work is amazing and it would be awesome if you could bring it back. I really hope you do bring it back.
| hobokey chapter 42 . 7/24/2015
Just marathoned this gem after prowling through the longer fics in the Persona genre after watching the meh P4Golden anime just to see it. Personally I would love to see this fic continue. This has been said before, but your Souji is a much more interesting character than the average Gary-Stu Narukami is in both most fics and the animes. In game, the starting attributes list a guy who isn't exactly a paragon of awesomeness, but as the year goes by he improves into a badass. Your Souji, while at a painful Ikari Shinji level of mediocrity at first, is slowly improving and finding confidence in himself as a leader, as a man, and as a human being. That's just really cool. Gotta say though, favorite part might just be the OCs, like the side(?)plot of the outside persona users like Fubuki and the hilarious/insightful/moving convos with the personas. Least favorite? Not much to say, but nitpicking would lead me to suggest not necessarily having to shoehorn the HP/MP game elements though they are explained as the way Souji sees it. Longer chapters per month would be fine,and I'm sorry if this is too long.
| Endfall chapter 42 . 7/10/2015
If nobody better qualified has offered, having read the story to this point, I am more than willing to be your beta, as long as we understand that beta is defined as copyeditor and general sounding board and not *ghostwriter*.
If you already have a beta, then, to your four quesrtions:
A) Holy shite am I interested.
B) Don't put that to us. Write at the pace that feels comfortable and sustainable to you. I want to see more of this story. Part of that is wanting you to do what works for you.
C) The new plotlines and character development. Seriously, Even with P4's anime, Yu's progression felt... weak. Your interpretation of the protagonist is a far more realistic human being. The nedw plotlines tie for character development because I'm not at all sure that I could be so enthusiastic about this story's future if it was just "P4 in tokyo with better characterisation". It's nice to have an unknown future to look forward to!
D) Mu. Unask the question. Welcome to Tokyo thus far has managed to be nearly everything I'd want in a story. Note, not fanfic. *Story*. I could give you a list of things that I'd want to see in the future but that has nothing to do with the question you actually asked.
| Guest chapter 42 . 6/22/2015
I hope you continue this.