|Reviews for The Eyebrow of William Crawlings|
| Selene Silver chapter 1 . 10/15/2014
I like it!
| 44Lefty chapter 1 . 3/20/2013
| Ilovepercyjacksonsomuch chapter 1 . 12/29/2012
That does make a lot of sense. One must be careful when it comes to eyebrows.
| sock-feet-and-stirring-sand chapter 1 . 1/30/2012
Very funny! Thanks for making my day:)
| Quihi chapter 1 . 12/11/2011
Hmm... the other people who reviewed said everything there is to say.
I just want to mention that "eybrow" is usually spelled "eyebrow" (in the title).
| Ty Priter chapter 1 . 4/3/2011
HAH! when i saw this title, i laughed. when i read the fic, i laughed. you have a curious mind, don't you?
| GreatKateZonkeyMachine chapter 1 . 3/17/2011
Horizontal barriers are something this website doesn't like to paste from Microsoft Word; you'll have to insert them online by pressing the button next to the central/left/right-text buttons.
There was also one more continuity issue with the story. As Kahlan said, Crawlings is a Recruiter now, not a Ten Man. That means he would have nothing but his shockwatches - not the laser, not the handkerchief, not the briefcase. :/
| Grammar Defender chapter 1 . 3/16/2011
You're right, GKZM. It should have horizontal barriers. In fact, in Microsoft Word (that's where my files are), there are barriers. That's strange! I'll have to see what I can do about that, but it shall have to wait for a more reasonable time of night.
| GreatKateZonkeyMachine chapter 1 . 3/16/2011
Wow. Excellent quality, especially for a first fic. I spotted very few problems.
You say something about "that Wetherall agent." If this is before Jackson and Jillson are students, then isn't that also before Milligan started working against Mr. Curtain?
Also, and I know you are at perfect liberty to give your characters whatever traits you like, but it doesn't seem like a Recruiter would go to a concert.
Kahlan already pointed out the laser thing, so... Just one more bit of CC. It seems like you ought to have put horizontal barriers between the paragraph that begins "Closing the door behind him, he set the unconscious girl..." and the one that begins with "Master Tajacu was having a terrible night...", and then between "Getting himelf some water..." and "Crawlings stepped silently into Jackson's room...", and then between "'Good. Now if you'll just hold still...'" and "As Master Tajacu stumped down the stairs...", and then between "As the kidnapper turned to leave..." and "Crawlings knelt on the lumpy sack..." Also, the story seems to end too suddenly. Maybe you should have added in something like, "His eyes flicked over the lumpy canvas bags, and their tailored suits, stopping at Crawlings's missing eyebrow," before McCracken said the last sentence.
Now for the positive stuff, which I must make quick since my review is so long. Your story had wonderful style, it was quite entertaining, and almost perfect grammatically. I will definitely read the next thing you publish.
| Truly Hopeless chapter 1 . 3/11/2011
YAY! Someone finally wrote a fanfiction about one of the Ten Men! ( That was very funny, I didn't remember my community until Kahlan mentioned it and this is going on there. Hope you write more soon and welcome to Fanfiction.
| Kahlan Aisling chapter 1 . 3/11/2011
Due to my fingers pressing ENTER /way/ before I was ready, I didn't get to finish reviewing, so I'll do that now. Hey, how's it going?
As I said, your writing is excellent. I rarely see this kind of quality. And bear with me through the contructive criticism; I'm rather picky. ;)
As for constructive criticism~
Everyone is in character, as far as we know the characters of the Ten Men. Speaking of Ten Men, it's capitalized.
Also, when the story is being told from Master Tajacu's point-of-view, you say "the ten man." Master Tajacu doesn't know that Crawlings and Garotte are Ten Men. And because this takes place before The Perilous Journey, they wouldn't be listed as Ten Men, simply as Recruiters.
When Crawlings's eyebrow is seared off by the laser, I laughed aloud - that's actually quite clever. However, if the laser pointer is so powerful it can break a lock (and takes twelve hours to charge to boot) then it should have logically killed him.
So really it's only continuity issues that anyone could mess up. It's hard if you haven't read the first book in a long time; I know that from experience.
I really did enjoy this, though, it's one of those things that (had it been entered in Zonkey's challenge) would have made it in. And I bet it will make Hopeless Romantic's community as well. It's definitely made mine.
This, I see, is an incredibly long review, so I should probably release you from this torture now... "No! not the comfy pillow!" or something along those lines. ;) Not, of course, that any of this has been comfy or in anything remotely resembling a pillow.
Oh, and you never messed up the "its"/"it's" problem, or anything similar. I'm quite happy. ;)
| ka has moved chapter 1 . 3/11/2011
First of all, your writing is amazingly good for a first fanfiction. I'm definitely impressed.