|Reviews for Sassy|
| ally.crawshae chapter 3 . 7/15
Not given up on it my ass. It has been almost six years when are you going to fucking update.
| JaliceJelsa4eva chapter 12 . 1/22/2015
I love this story
| AutumnKrystal chapter 12 . 4/21/2012
...AHHHHH dont stop! Please oh God don't stop! I don't even like Paul and I want to see this story to the end. You're writing is terrific and amazing and there are parts in the story Im cracking up at.
personally I was surprised I even got into this story, as I said, Im not a Paul girl. I prefer Marko.
| tomieharley chapter 6 . 12/8/2011
I really like the story thus far. I hope you will continue updating it. I really want to know what's going to happen next? Though nothing good to Marko, I think. :( Chase is such an a-hole. I hope Paul or David tears him apart.
| Lovely-Volturi chapter 11 . 11/13/2011
Update soon please. (:
| impulsesbulky chapter 11 . 11/3/2011
Sorry it took me a bit to get to this. : )
Love the beginning to this chapter how you described him waking up and Shelby there at the end of the bed worrying about him and whispering to him. Very sweet and good to see after all the trouble they have had recently.
: ( Stupid freaking Chase scarring her for eternity now. That sucks.
-Not wanting to make her pity him further, he lied, "Nothing. I'm fine. A little worse for wear, but I'm okay. And… And you're okay, and everything's okay. We're okay."
All the words sort of tumbled out of his mouth, and she giggled, taking his hand, "Yes, we are."- Aw. Again so good to see moments like this between them again. I was pretty worried about them.
-"We have to find him. I'm gonna kill him – I have to kill him –,"- Oooo YES I want to see this so bad haha. I have a feeling you would write it so kick ass! In fact, I KNOW you would.
-Paul nodded, "Good. Because, I swear, if anything happens to you again… I don't know what I'll do."
"Don't worry about me – you're weak, and you need to relax. Without relaxation and rest, you'll never get back to your old self."
Blinking tiredly, he mumbled, "So, can I get a kiss now? Or do I have to wait longer?"
Smiling, she replied, "I think you've earned one," and leaned in to press her lips to his.- This made me so happy I was pretty much just bouncing on the couch. You do emotion so well and your details just make it so easy to picture everything. Love it.
Ooo Yes I like that she's making him talk about how he was acting before Chase got them. You go Shelby!
-"Maybe that's because you barely know me."- Ouch...but her reply was perfect!
-Paul looked up at her; his face tired, and murmured, "You can't. You… You can't fix me, sassy. I'm not broken." Even as he spoke the words, he knew it was a lie.- Can't tell you how much I LOVED this!
-"Listen to me: Sometimes… even the strongest people break. And you've been through so much – more than most – and you've lost your way a few times, but you know what? You have people who would do anything for you. You've got those three crazy assholes – your brothers – who've known you for decades and stuck with you all the way. And you've got me," she ran her thumb across his palm, gently, "And I love you. I'll always love you, and I'm not going anywhere. I'm always going to be here to fix you when you break. So… talk to me. Please, let me in."- And this was incredibly perfect and powerful. How very true that even the strongest people break. Love that line so much.
-"I just… I feel like – no, I know that… I'm not good enough – for you."- Oh man this just makes me love him even more. I love how troubled he is. How he knows that he's been a bad person and could still be a bad person but his humanity lies in the fact that he feels guilty about it and that he wants better for her.
-"It doesn't matter – none of it. I've never been anything but bad, baby. I've always been wrong – ever since I was young, and… human."- Really love this line!
Ooo I really like the back story on him. I love how he remembers Grace and how he remembers his mother's face. And his father...yeesh. Poor guy but the back story seems perfect for him. I can totally believe it and see it.
I also really like the back story on how he got turned. I think that really fits him and you wrote it even when it was just him describing it so perfectly that I could completely picture the whole thing taking place!
-"Well, the company certainly is remarkable." Another melancholy chuckle, then: "If I could go back to that night, and say 'no', I would – in a heartbeat. It's gotten to the point where I don't… want this anymore. I spend so much time killing and fucking and not giving two shits about anyone or anything that I've lost who I am. I've lost myself, and I can't find who I used to be."- Oooo! Sooo many AWESOME lines this chapter! I seriously just keep loving this chapter more and more!
-He didn't protest, of course; merely looped his arms around her middle and quieted her tearful breaths and words. "Don't feel sorry for me, please. I can't stand having you cry over my twisted problems. I'm surprised you're not mad at me for getting you kidnapped –,"
At that, she pulled away suddenly, her tear-stained face full of an emotion Paul couldn't identify. "Shut up. Don't ever say something like that to me again. That's such bullshit, and you know it. What happened wasn't your fault – don't argue with me – and I'm not going to allow you to blame yourself for it."
Paul was momentarily taken aback, but nodded, "Alright then. You're the boss…?"
"You bet your ass I am, mister."- Perfect! This was an awesome moment between them and only makes me love their characters and their relationship that much more. They just work together. They're meant to be and I can't help myself rooting for them every step of the way and becoming more and more invested in their characters and what happens to them. Kudos for making them so realistic and likable!
-When they did join the boys the next night, they found the Boardwalk to be even more crowded than usual; the band that was performing had attracted a large number of wailing teenager girls.- I still can't help but visualize crazy buff shirtless saxophone playing guy from the movie which cracks me up every time I see it lol
-The boys were all in good moods as well – even David was showing her a sliver of kindness tonight- Aw I love David. Especially the way you portray him in this story.
-"Could I, erm… borrow your girl for a second, man?" He asked, awkwardly, "I'll give her right back."- Yup still love him and still love the way you portray him lol. I can totally picture him saying that and everything.
-"I just… uh… I just wanted to apologize for the way I've acted towards you – since the day we met. I've been a dick, and I'm sorry. You're pretty cool, to be honest, you're a part of the group, and I need to start treating you as such. Do you forgive me?"- Aw, David. I love it! Such an honest apology and I can see him doing that. And the hug? Where do I sign up for one of those? haha I do admit there is something strangely attractive about him...
-Annoyingly Beautiful Mystery Chick nodded, her smile showing off dazzlingly white teeth- LMAO! Oh my god! Best description ever! I love it!
This probably dates me and shows how incredibly cartoon minded I can be but when I saw her name was Regina and that Paul called her Reg I thought about an old cartoon I used to watch called Rocket Power where the main girl was named Regina and they usually called her Reg or Reggie. Though she had purple hair I believe lol. I am intrigued by her but to be honest she kind of annoys me...like she's overly nice or something. But I am very intrigued that she is a seer. I'm interested to see where you take that and her character. I do love Shelby's reaction and interaction with her haha. I have to say that totally would have been how I'd react as well.
"–and you all love her–,"
"We all love you, too."- I love this back and forth. It's sweet and playful at the same time.
-"He's a fucking dead man," the vampire girl hissed, eyes glowing with anger. "I'm gonna kill him –,"- Ok haha now I like her a little better...
Oh crap...I love how you wrote the scene of her seeing their future. But oh man little bit worried now...
-When Regina looked up at him, there were tears brimming in her bright blue eyes. "I… I saw… the two of you… die. Th-They ripped you apart… Blood – everywhere – and… screaming. You… aren't going to survive. You're going to die. I'm so… so sorry."- Ahhhhh! No! What are you doing to me? Noooo!
-"Reggie's readings are the future, but they aren't always set in stone." He explained, running his fingers through her hair. "Some things can be changed – and sometimes the future can be re-written as well. This is one of those times. And you have my word that you aren't going to die. I won't let it happen – not ever. Trust me, okay?"- Aw I love Paul. Very interesting though...I'm still mighty worried...
Well, my worrying is halted a little bit haha. Perfect amazing spot for a love scene like this. It was pretty much needed and you don't disappoint again. Seriously this may be the best one in this story thus far.
And how do we make this chapter even better? We add Edgar Frog. Thank you : )
-"I know," Edgar sighed, leaning back against the bridge railing, "I love the girl as much as you do, but I don't see what we can do to help her now. I don't want to kill her, do you?"- Aw I knew he couldn't.
-"If someone had come up to me a year ago and told me that my older sister would become a vampire soon, I would've laughed in their fucking face. I wish we could get her back somehow."- Perfect!
-She laughed, shortly, "I don't think so, no, but I've heard great things about you two. My name is Star, and I was wondering if you boys could help me out?"- Ahhhh! So help me if she harms a hair on Edgar's head I will jump into this story and tear her apart myself! Do not mess with my boy! lol
-"–But we'll do our best." Edgar interrupted, smoothly.- Oh geez haha I can just hear him saying that all smooth.
-"Actually, guys," Another voice said from behind Star, "It's more about what I need." This voice belonged to a male, and when he stepped out from behind her, they saw that he was tall and looked pretty tough. "I'm Michael, and I need you two geeks to do me a little favor."- No! Don't do it! Again I will jump into this story myself if he harms him!
Wow! What an amazingly awesome chapter, girl! Seriously! I loved every second of it which was great because I really missed reading this story and reading your writing. Again you do justice to the style of the movie and your vivid detail and ability to pull the reader in and make them feel emotion is just absolutely fantastic. Lov
| hollisterchick chapter 11 . 10/10/2011
HEEEEEEEEEY BRO! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG SO I JUST FINISHED READING IT! Well duh cause I'm reviewing it now! :D :D :D BUT OMG BRO! IM SERIOUSLY LIKE I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW! IM HYPERVENTILATING! IM SOOOO EXCITED! IM SOOO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE WRITING THIS STORY AGAIN AND NOW I NEED TO CONTINUE WRITING MY SAMERON STORY! ;) EEEEEEEEEEP!
Alright now that I think I've calmed down enough let's start the actual review! Alright well before I do can I just say how excited I am that you've started this story back up! I've missed it sooo much!
Okay well I lied because before I begin the actual review I have to rant about this person.
.Bitch. Oh my goodness I just want TO KILL HIM! I HATE HIM SOOOOOO MUCH! I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN! Gah every time I see or hear his name I see red and my skin crawls! I just hate him . I'm sure you already know this by now though since I've explained my hatred for him over internet, text and in person :D I'm surprised I haven't shouted out to the world how much I HATE CHASE! It's bound to happen soon :D Anyways I just had to get that off my chest before I began for real this time :)
-"No," she shook her head, "I mean before he kidnapped us. I… You were fucked-up, Paul… You had me terrified. I've never seen you like that before."
"Maybe that's because you barely know me."
She was taken aback, but answered quickly: "I know you better than I know myself – but you were a different person that night. And I want… I need to know what was running through your head. I need to make it better. Please let me… fix you."
Paul looked up at her; his face tired, and murmured, "You can't. You… You can't fix me, sassy. I'm not broken." Even as he spoke the words, he knew it was a lie."
Dude that was where I started freaking bawling my eyes out! I feel sooo bad for my baby here! :( It's making me sad just thinking about it but see that's good! You know you're a good author when you can make your readers feel something and this made me cry! :D But that's another thing that I love about your writing is that it's so just...how do I explain this without sounding cheesy? It's just passionate! You can just tell that when you write this you're not some kind of monotone writer who goes through the motions of writing. No. You feel these emotions and you want us to feel them with you and you can just see how much you feel for these characters in this story and just how much emotion is behind your writing which is awesome! Wow now that I've gotten that weirdly worded paragraph off my chest that probably didn't make any sense at all I shall continue :)
-There was a long silence after this, in which Paul took many slow breaths and held onto her hands tightly. And then, he spoke up, his voice thick: "I don't know what to say… I'm… a fucking mess – inside and out," she glanced at the scars on his wrists as he said this, "I just… I feel like – no, I know that… I'm not good enough – for you."
She instantly began to argue with him, "That's –,"
"Don't tell me it's crazy for me to think so. You don't know what I've done, sassy – you can't begin to imagine the things I've done to people. The things Chase and I did…"
"So what?" Shelby cupped his face in her hands, looking him in the eyes, "You're better now. You're a better man."
He shook his head, "It doesn't matter – none of it. I've never been anything but bad, baby. I've always been wrong – ever since I was young, and… human."
DUDE! This made me bawl even harder! The reason I think I cried so hard in this is because ever since we've become obsessed with Sameron I know compare almost every couple to them and that's what I was doing here and it just made me bawl! It sort of reminded me of The Epilogue Part 2 I think it is and Cam cuts himself and stuff and idk it sounds stupid to say but this scene reminded me of that scene where Sam is confronting Cam about it and ugh the tears kept flowing!
-As he finished his thought, Shelby looked at him – really looked at him. She tried to picture what it must be like to have gone through what Paul had. To have suffered what he had. He'd gone from being a human boy, with a family and a life, to being a dead, creature of the night. He'd been thrown around like he was nothing, spit on by the ones he trusted, betrayed, scorned, and used by assholes like Chase for years and years and years. She felt an aching sense of guilt, mixed with overwhelming amounts of sympathy for him. Not knowing what else to do, she reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her fingers tangled in his messy hair, her face pressed to his neck.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, eyes wet with tears. "I wish there was something I could do to make it all better."
Paul shook his head, rubbing her back, "Sweetheart, you have made things better – believe me. You've done so much for me, and I couldn't possibly ask for anything more from you."
Again! It reminded me soooo much of Sameron and I'm serious there was some sobbing going on I kid you not! I just feel so bad for him and I feel like I know his pain! See it's just so weird cause you and I feel so close to Cameron and Samuel and we feel like we know them personally and stuff and that's why those stories made me bawl cause it was like it was actually happening! (Well actually it does in real life where Sameron's concerned :D ) but still! That's how I feel towards Paul and my boys! Is that weird to say? I just feel like I know them all personally and that's why it's so hard for me to not cry when their in pain! When someone starts crying then I immediately start crying so whenever Paul or even myself in the story start crying then I'm a goner!
-"Could I, erm… borrow your girl for a second, man?" He asked, awkwardly, "I'll give her right back."
Paul laughed, "Sure you can – but play nice, my friend." He winked at Shelby before moving away to watch Marko run in manic circles around Dwayne, who was laughing hysterically."
Dude! I just had to put this in here because I LOVE BROTHERLY/FAMILY LOVE! I love the boys interactions with one another and it's just SO ADORABLE AND AMAZING! This just made me laugh and smile! Ahhh it's refreshing to have them back into the story after the past few chapters have been downers :( I'm not blaming you though I hope you understand cause I know that stories have to have something bad in it before it get's better and I fully respect that! :D It's just nice to have this chapter be a bit more chipper and lively and I have their brotherly love back in here! :D :D
David looked extremely uncomfortable; he was shuffling back and forth on his feet and looking down at the floor. "I just… uh… I just wanted to apologize for the way I've acted towards you – since the day we met. I've been a dick, and I'm sorry. You're pretty cool, to be honest, you're a part of the group, and I need to start treating you as such. Do you forgive me?"
She was completely silent for several moments, as she took in all that he'd just said. And then she did the only thing she could think to do: she flung her arms around him, happily. "Of course I do! All I've wanted for the past few months is for us to be friends. Thank you for apologizing."
David chuckled, hugging her back loosely, before they broke apart. "It's the least I can do. You've been so great to all of us, especially Paul."
AWWWWW! See I'm going to be honest in the beginning David wasn't really my favorite I mean he was one of my boys don't get me wrong but he wasn't always my favorite! But over the course of the chapters I've really warmed up to him and his new side that I really enjoy reading about :D :D I love how he's putting his pride aside here and trying to reconcile with me and stuff! :D I actually teared up a little hear not gonna lie because like I've said I've grown to really love him and it made me happy that my boy is showing a newer, more sensitive side about him and I know he'll always be tough David but I like that you've sort of made him a more dynamic character does that make sense?
-"Paul?" A voice spoke, out of nowhere, "Is that you?"
Eyebrows furrowing, Paul spun around to locate to the source of the voice. Shelby did the same, and saw that it was a girl who'd spoken. The girl was tall, with wavy hair – that was dyed a bright, bubblegum pink – and willowy limbs, which made Shelby think she might be a dancer. The girl was also very pretty. Annoyingly pretty, actually, and she was gazing at Paul with a look of badly masked adoration on her face.
"Oh my god," Paul gasped, a smile spreading across his cheeks, at the sight of this mystery chick. "Hey!" At this, he pulled her into a hug, and asked, "What the hell are you doing here? It's been ages since we last saw you!"
HAHA I'm not gonna lie I actually did get kinda jealous when I read this! :D Hey don't I remember you asking me about something like this? Like a name or something? Cause I think you remember asking me something about this character or something? But then again I could be imagining things! :D :D But dude seriously haha you portrayed me well throughout this scene because I was legit jealous when I read this! :D :D
-She looked up into his eyes, "I just… Don't toss me aside, okay? Please, don't forget about me, or – or –,"
"What are you talking about?" He asked, pulling her into his strong arms and holding her tight. "Huh? Baby, listen: You're my whole fucking world, and more. You're mine – and you know I'm wrapped around your fingers. I'm not letting you go, and I'm certainly not going to 'toss you aside' simply because an old friend comes back into the picture. You have to know that."
Shelby nodded, slowly, "I do know that… I-I do, but I can't help feeling a little bit jealous. I mean, she's gorgeous –,"
| impulsesbulky chapter 10 . 7/28/2011
I couldn't help it haha I had to read all of the chapters! Though now I am going to be sad because there are no more chapters out lol. Again I am so so sorry that it took me so long to actually get these reviews to you. Believe me I missed the heck out of this story. I love it to pieces!
-"Tell her everything's going to be okay – re-assure her."
"Everything will be okay, baby." He could see her face as he had said those words. She had been crying, of course, tears staining her cheeks, and whimpering in fear. Even so, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about how beautiful she was… "I promise it'll be alright. I'm gonna protect you."
Chase's voice, just as heartless as ever, had said something – and then her screaming had filled his ears. It's knocked all his strength, all his willpower, out of him. In that moment – with the woman he love's screams ringing in his ears – he had wanted to die.
Fuck, he had wanted it so badly.
Because, surely, death could not be as bad as what he'd gone through then. Death must be better than the absolute torture of hearing her scream like that.
Then, Chase had muttered, "Good night, brother," and he had checked out, slipping into nothingness.- Oh wow. Start off the chapter making me cry. I love the rehash of last chapter and seeing it through Paul's eyes. Oh and him saying he wanted to die watching her be hurt omg that really got to me. I love it. So powerful.
-Shelby lay on the metal table, hands still tied down on either side of her body with rope – same for her legs. He shirt had been removed – along with her bra – and Paul could finally see what Chase had been working on when he'd woken up; the word 'SLUT' had been carved into her torso, vertically, running down in-between her breasts to her stomach, where he could make out the spot where Chase had stabbed her. Tears shone on her pallid, exhausted face, and Paul felt his entire body tense with anger. Blood flowed from the letters Chase had hacked into her, and she was shaking uncontrollably.- Omg. That is just. Wow. Very intense and gives you a very sickening feeling. Just. Ugh. Chase needs to die. A terrible horrible death. Like. Now.
-"I'm going to rip you apart, man." Paul snarled, teeth clenched, "I swear." He could hear Shelby's panting, and called out, "Babe – are you alright?"
She giggled breathily, then winced, "Define 'alright'."
"I know. But don't worry; I'm going to get us out of here."- Oooo I LOVED when he said he was going to rip him apart and I seriously love how sure of himself he is when he tells her not to worry and that he's going to get them out of there. I seriously hope so and I cannot wait to see him rip Chase apart lol.
-At that, Chase lunged forward, his eyes ablaze with anger. "I wouldn't waste my time filling up her head with lies – if I were you. It's pointless, and it seems cruel to give her false hope."
"It's not a lie. I am going to save her," he replied, shrugging, "And, in the meantime, Sassy's strong. She's fucking tough; you're not going to break her."- Oooo! Yeah you tell him, Paul! Loved that.
-"Honey, I swear, if you interrupt me when I'm talking again, I will slit your throat faster than you can say 'sorry'." He flashed a smile that made her shiver; it was so full of malice. Needless to say, she made a mental note to keep her mouth shut.- Ugh! I want to kill him myself. It made me angry seeing him call her honey like that. Ugh.
-Chase laughed, "Are you scared, beautiful?" Another punch. "Worried for your boyfriend?" Another. "Huh? Does this scare you?" Another – Paul let out a broken whimper, blood flowing from his nose and mouth. "Seeing your big, strong Paul –," another – she was in hysterics at this point, "- get the shit beaten out of him?" After this punch, Chase grabbed Paul and turned him to look at her. His face was bruised and bloody; he looked completely worn out, weak, and her heart was breaking. "Tell her you love her, Paul."- AHHH! Omg! That was. Wow. You do action and intense scenes so good it's not even funny. Seriously that had me wincing myself and cringing.
-"Shut up." The man said, "You didn't follow through on what we paid you to do."
Chase sighed, "I'm sorry, man – I was this close to finishing them, but then they showed up, and –,"
"We're very disappointed in you," another voice, a female voice, said.- WHAT? Who are these people? Who would pay Chase to do this crap? Hmmm
OMG Michael and Star? Wow. I did not see that one coming. Not at all. Wow. Awesome freaking plot twist right there. Seriously. Threw me for a loop and it's so awesome.
-Smirking, he replied, "I know what it's like to want revenge. We can plan our next attack as a group, and have ourselves what I'm dotingly going to call 'payback slaughter'. Sound good?"
Star nodded instantly, "I'm in. Michael, he's not lying. He won't fuck up again – I can feel it."
Michael was silent for a moment, staring at Chase, before saying, "Fine. I'm in, too."- OMG this is getting intensely good. Wow. Now I'm worried about the whole group of them. Freaking stupid Michael and Star. Now they need to die too.
-Star grinned, "Anyway, even though I was with David, I was head over heels for Paul. And he knew, but he never returned my feelings. This was before I met Michael, of course. After I found him, I knew he was the one, but to this day, all I really want is… revenge on Paul – for denying me. And since he's got his own little girlfriend now, I figure she can die with him. Hell, I'll kill her myself; it'll be so much fun."- OMG Star you suck. Seriously. I hate her.
Wow. This chapter just completely blew me away! You took it in a direction I never even saw coming. A great direction. Now I am on the edge of my seat wondering what is going to happen next and worry about Shelby, Paul, and the boys. I can tell this is going to be really good, but just wow. I hope you update soon haha. As I have continuously said before this story is beyond amazing and I can't wait to read more! This chapter absolutely is so far from suck it's not even funny so shut up haha. Can't wait for chapter 11!
| impulsesbulky chapter 9 . 7/28/2011
I had to jump right into this after that cliffhanger that was chapter 8 haha. I already love the title and I am so nervous to read this!
-His eyes were shut – he must be unconscious, she thought, anxiously – his arms raised and bound with rope to a metal bar over his head. That wasn't nearly the worst part; his shirt was torn open; his torso ridden with bloody gashes and dark bruises; one of his eyes swollen and black; his arms still plagued with self-induced scars. He looked dreadful and she was scared now. Scared, because whoever had done this to Paul was going to do the same to her. Oh god, they were going to die. Oh god… She felt tears build in her eyes and took a breath to calm herself. This was not a time for panicking – she needed to think of a way out of this mess.- OMG Holy crap wow. Such awesome detail that really brings you right into the story and makes you feel this dread and panic along with Shelby. Oh crap I hope Paul is ok and I hope they're going to be ok.
-"Sh… Shelby?" He rasped out, worry lacing his words.
"What's happening, Paul?" She was desperate for answers, "Where are we?"
He shook his head, a look of sheer terror on his bruised face, "Sassy, listen to me: You have to get out of here. You have to go. He's… He'll be back any minute –,"- Oh man even though this scares me because you don't know what's going to happen to them this made me happy because he's back to kind of sounding like himself and caring for her and her safety and this was refreshing to see again. I love these two too much haha.
-Silence, as he blinked back tears, and then: "I love you more than I've ever loved anything. Don't forget that."- oh god and there I go tearing up. : (
-He looked mock-appalled, "Oh yeah – how rude of me. My name's Chase." The smile he flashed at her revealed pearly white teeth. "But, of course, I already know your name." Leaning down, so his nose was almost touching hers, he breathed, "You're even more gorgeous with your eyes open, Shelby."- Oh my god. Chase is a skeevy bastard. I already want to beat the shit out of him. You write a great villain though. He gets under your skin in just the right way!
-There was a devilish gleam in Chase's eyes now – and it made her want to scream. "Do you mean to say that my man hasn't told you about me?" He looked genuinely surprised, but let out a shout of laughter all the same, "Oh, fuck me, this is going to be more fun that I thought." Pausing for dramatic effect, he took a breath, and then said, "I made Paul what he is. I'm his maker. Hell, he may as well call me 'dad', becauseItook care of his ass for decades."- Omg...seriously I am on the edge of my seat here! You write this asshole so well haha. Seriously. Flawless dialogue here.
-But, of course, he didn't listen to her, and proceeded to run the sharp blade from Paul's collarbone diagonally down his abdomen, opening up the skin. The tape stifled Paul's cries, but her heart twisted at the sounds and the way he closed his eyes against the pain. Blood flowed freely from the long cut, adding to the number of injuries he'd already obtained from Chase. "Leave him alone!" Tears clouded her vision as she watched Paul tremble and bleed.- OMG I AM SERIOUSLY SCREAMING HERE. Chase needs to die like...NOW. Omg.
-He moved over to Shelby now, while Paul protested, gnashing his fangs and hissing, "Leave her alone, you sick son of a bitch." Chase chuckled, twirling the knife in his hands and leaning down to breathe in her scent. "Chase! No – god, please – not her. Do whatever you fucking want to me, just don't hurt her!"- I LOVE this. Loved to see him back to being regular Paul and pleading for her and loving her but still ugh now I am seriously scared...
-She recoiled – as much as she could in her confines – from Chase, but did not show fear. She would not be reduced to a sniveling damsel in distress. Glaring up at him, she said, "Go ahead. Try me."- YES! Go Shelby! haha I love it!
-"Chase!" An hour ago, if he weren't tied up, Paul would have killed him, but after watching him treat his girl like this, he was ready to slaughter him. "Get the fuck away from her!"- Oooo I LOVE this line. Seriously. I want to see Paul slaughter Chase right about now...
-"No! No," Paul was close to hysteria, willing himself not to break down in front of Chase. "Stop – don't hurt her. I'll do anything. Please –,"
"Tell her everything's going to be alright." Chase murmured, stroking her cheeks lightly and smiling.- Ooo very Dark Knight-esque here. Even has the same feel. Love it and very well done.
-"Just like Paris. Tell her everything's going to be okay – re-assure her." Chase's voice was dangerous, and Shelby gulped. "Make it sound sincere, and I might let her live."
Paul's eyes met hers, and he did his best to compose himself, before whispering, "Everything will be okay, baby. I…" His voice sounded thick with emotion – he was getting choked up, "I promise it'll be alright. I'm going to protect you. I promised to protect you, remember?" She nodded, crying freely now. "Everything will be okay."- Oh wow. Now I am seriously crying. Holy crap. That was insanely intense...
Oh wow...the ending. Just. Wow. Chase needs to die a horrible horrible death. I feel so bad for Paul and especially Shelby. That stabbing was intense. I literally screamed. This was another amazing chapter, my friend. Seriously this story is so awesome on so many levels.
I did indeed notice the little bit you borrowed from Dark Knight. ; ) It worked VERY well. I really liked it.
| impulsesbulky chapter 8 . 7/28/2011
Here I am to review! Finally! Ugh again I am so so sorry!
Uh oh. The first paragraph already has me scared haha. There's some serious signs of foreshadowing going on there...
-"Do you think he's okay in there?" She questioned, her voice hollow, "It's been two days." Paul hadn't come out of his room yet, and Shelby was beginning to worry.
Dwayne put a hand on her shoulder, comfortingly, "I'm sure he is. Don't worry about him; he can take care of himself."
Marko nodded in agreement, but Shelby shook her head, "No. No – you guys didn't… see him that night. He was… I've never seen him like that before… So broken and fragile –,"
"Shelbs, we know, okay? We know what Paul's like when he's upset," Marko shrugged, "He broods on his own for a while, but he always gets over it. He moves on."
She look down at her hands, "I just… I don't know what to do. I want to be there for him, but he won't let me… Letting him wallow in misery by himself is not the right thing to do. He shouldn't beat himself up over whatever's bothering him. I should be with him right now."- Wow. Seriously wow. You created such an awesome mood here that by the first sentence I was already tearing up.
-After waking up alone for the third day in a row, Shelby passed over worrying and into the realm of panic. She paced back and forth for at least three straight hours, trying to piece together what was going on. The boys did their best to calm her down – even David took pity on her – telling her not to stress out and to "relax" or "breathe" or "chill".
"I can't!" She ended up yelling at them, "I fucking can't just sit down and act like something isn't wrong with the guy I love. I'm sorry, but I can't."
"Well, try to, then." David advised, warily, "Your pacing is giving me one helluva headache."
"Why can't I go in and talk to him? Why? He needs me –,"
"Yeah? Well, evidently, he doesn't – or he would have asked to see you." He pointed out, "So… calm your tits for a while, alright?"
Shelby was taken aback by that comment, "Dude – what the hell? 'Calm your tits'?"
He shrugged, taking a long drag from the cigarette in his hand, "Stop obsessing over this. Your fuck buddy will be fine; he always is."- And lmao this is so why I love your writing. You can go from making me cry straight to making me laugh even when I'm still sad. "Calm your tits" had me rolling. Seriously. Love it.
-"Four fucking days." Her voice was tired – her whole body was – and she was verging on dejected now. "Four. Does – does he even realize what worrying about him is doing to me? I can't… eat, I can't fucking sleep, I can't stop thinking about him…" She laughed, humorlessly, tears brimming in her eyes, "I just… miss him. I really fucking miss him."
Marko moved in to wrap his arms around her, while she started to cry, "I know you do, sis, I know. I'm so sorry – I don't know why he's doing this or what's running through his head. I wish there was something I could do."- Aw I love the relationship between Shelby and Marko still. Also I really love how you are doing the passing of time in this chapter. It really works and flows so well!
-"Paul?" She said, quietly, "Are you… okay?"
That made him laugh harder, unsteadily, "You have no fucking idea how okay I am, sassy. I'm fucking fantastic. I lost the feeling in my legs twenty minutes ago and then I saw stars."
What is he talking about? "Wow – that, um… that sounds great – but what's going on? We – I – haven't seen you in days." She knelt down beside him, "Why are you hiding from us?" When she got closer, he recoiled, burying his face in his knees and trembling. He wasn't laughing anymore – he seemed terrified. "Baby, talk to me. Please talk to me. Let me help you."
"I don't need help!" He shouted, suddenly, his voice muffled slightly by his knees. "Go away. Or the monster will get you."
Her eyebrows furrowed, "Monster? What monster?"
His insane laughter started up again, soft but chilling, "Me, princess."- OMG wow...this was so excellently written that I seriously have chills and goosebumps! Not even kidding. The last sentence was especially chilling!
-"I am, I am, I am," he choked out through his giggles, "I'm a monster out of a story book, I'm a horror movie villain, I'm a sparkly teenage dream – whatever."- lmfao ok seriously again this is why I love you and your writing. I'm a huge Twilight fan and this was still hilarious to me haha. You made me go from having goosebumps to spitting out my water on myself! You know just how to word things to create an awesome mood and you do dialogue so freaking well!
-Shelby sighed, "So? Just because you're a vampire doesn't mean you're a monster. I'm not a monster, am I?"
"No," he rasped, "You're a whore."- And now I went from laughing to literally GASPING at that one. Holy freaking crap!
-"I didn't want this for you, but you begged me for it." He sounded agonized and she wished that she could see his face. "So you're a fucking whore. And I let you into my life and decided to love you because I'm a moron and I don't deserve you because I'm shit." His laughter turned into desperate sobbing and it made her heart ache. She reached out, but he would not let her touch him. As soon as it had started he fell silent, then whispered, "Do you want to know the things I've done, sassy?" The tone of his voice chilled her to the bone, and she gulped as he murmured, "I've watched people beg for their lives before spilling their blood and fucking wallowing in it. I've slaughtered men and women alike out of sheer boredom – just because I could."- Now crying again. Oh man. Poor Paul and mostly...poor Shelby right now hearing this and not knowing what's going on with him. It gives you this sickening feeling just reading it.
-He full on guffawed at that, his entire body shaking. "Stop fucking talking about me like you know me. You don't. You don't. So don't fucking act like you understand, because you don't. You can't."
He choked on his own laughter, coughing and gasping, while she racked her brain for what she should do. He was still curled up in a ball, and he seemed so tiny and break-able. Tears fell down her cheeks at the sight. She loved him so much… "Paul, please, please tell me what's wrong. I'm tired of this."
"I can't," he whimpered, tears shining on what little she could see of his face, "I can't talk to you – it hurts too much. Hurts me…"- Oh god yeah now I'm definitely crying : (
OMG OMG Now I'm freaking out! AHHHH! That ending was just! jdgkjhbghjbe AHHH! Seriously omg. I can't even for coherent sentences at this point. I am freaking out. This chapter was simply amazing and you are one of the most talented writers I have ever had the pleasure of being friends with or reading their writing. Seriously. This story is just all kinds of amazing and this chapter was so freaking good it's not even funny. Now I am worried about what's going to happen to Shelby and ugh Paul wtf man. Can't wait to read on!
| Lostboysfan123 chapter 10 . 7/14/2011
Sorry 4 the late review I was updating on my stories
Anyways update I hope Star and Michael and chase get killed
| kittykat6625 chapter 10 . 6/29/2011
the plot thickens lol i loved this chapter it was great cant wait for the next one :]
| Rock The Rain chapter 9 . 6/16/2011
Upload soon, please! :P Love it so far.
| crimsonsky132 chapter 9 . 6/13/2011
No! Where are the others! Poor Paul and Shelby! And Chase, ughh! what an ass! Please update sooooooooooon
| kittykat6625 chapter 9 . 6/13/2011
awesome chapter im dying to see what happens next to sassy and paul update soon :]