Reviews for My Immortal
Morty Mcfli1 chapter 11 . 3/31
10/10 Would read again.
Anna chapter 1 . 3/31
Not to mention the 'BARK LORD'

Everyone is suddenly Japanese.

Snape has a 'dork mark' on his 'boy thingy'

ron is DIABOLO

Anna chapter 1 . 3/31
Ok, i'm pretty sure i'm not a "homophone". That being said..- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON A POGO STICK WHAT did i just read?

The Mystery/Misery of Magic

Sodomy Black

Doris Rumbridge

Cornelia Fudged



apparently this ebony chick lost her 'virility' to 'drake' malfoy

voldemort is afraid of crookshanks (wtf?!)

draco wanted to 'shit' next to her and so did vampire potter while tears rolled down her 'feces'

professor 'sinistra/sinister/sinatra' is definitely not the 'division' teacher. Its Trelawney not 'Trevolrey'

everybody is a 'goffick' vampire with red contacts (contacts dont make your entire eyeballs red. She kept going on about harry rolling his eyes so you could see the 'red whites') who are so depressed they keep slitting their 'rists' and cryin tears of blood but dont die as they are vampires who can only be killed by 'steaks'.

Everybody keeps drinking blood wtf


Tetaes chapter 11 . 3/31
This... abomination... Leave me gasping for breath for every sentence I read.
It's actually unbelieavable I leave this story alive.
But, the scars will never go away... It never will...
*Pours gasoline* *Lights match*
Guest chapter 11 . 3/31
I have talen the time to actually try to review this story in a proper manner. Here we go:

The grammar is god-awful, even when Raven is spellchecking.

The author does not know what source material is, obviously.

The Author's notes are just complaining. If you don't want people to hate your work, don't post it.

Ebony is not a Mary Sue. She is the flagship of the Mary Sues.

All the important characters are satanic, gothic vampires that is in slytherin. Seems accurate.

50% of the chapters are description of clothes.

Stop telling people to get out of your story if they don't like the same things as you.

Yeah we get it. Sensitive bisexuals are sexah.

The story is inconsistent, is selfcontradicting and just... ends. Well, no one reads this for the plot anyways.


There's a concert in hogsmeade every week, with Ebony's favorite bands. Even in the past.

Why, oh why would you put guns in a story about Magic?

The only things reminiscent of the original characters are their misspelled names.

Yeah, everyone are immortal vampires. The title was actually accurate.

The only characters with real input to the story are Draco, Harry, Voldemort, Dumbledore and of course Ebony.

Don't write just for the good reviews. Just. Don't. Write something you actually enjoy writing.

Professor Slutborn is my favourite quote from this. It's actually my new guestname now.

I actually finished all 35 chapters. My brain is half-dead, but I surv
Confused potterhead chapter 11 . 3/31
What... Just.. What?

I'm convinced it was written by a meth-addict dyslexic 5 year old who just read the summary of HP off the back of the book..

Dumbledore became dubbledur at one point and patrolled hogwarts on a broom

draco became 'drake' who was a 'ludacris' fool

half the people in hogwarts are 'gofficks'

harry is called Vampire potter who has a pentagram scar

neville becomes 'navel' who then changes his name to god knows what

every 'goffick' kid came of a vampire family and was kidnapped at birth

death eaters are now death 'dealers' and voldemort's (who really likes MCR and Green Day) started wearing heels and he was called tom 'satan' 'anderson' at hogwarts

ron weasley becomes Dia-frikin-bolo

i also gained knowledge that dumbledore calls students 'mothafuckas' when he has an headache

filch and mrs. Norris apparently swapped bodies

McGonagall knows everything as she is secretly 'McGoogle' who really likes her 'McGoggles'

remus 'loopin' is a perv and a pedo who is harry's, sorry! vampire's 'dogfather' istead of 'sodomy black'

snape becomes 'snap' who becomes 'snoop' (dogg) and attempts to take advantage of a tied up 'drake' malfoy with his 'boy thingie' that has a dark mark on it (but bi guyz r rlly hawt)

still trying to figure out who the fuck 'snaketail' is supposed to be

'draco/drako/drake/drego/drcao' and 'enoby/eboby/ebony/eonby' change names and eye colours as often as they 'passively start frenching'

'ebony..etc etc ' is the most perfect goffick in the world who is depressingly 'sexxi' at whatever she does and slits her 'rists' and sheds tears of blood at her own undeniable perfection

realising that the whole fic is 70% filled with descriptions of her dresses and nail polish and MCR.

Draco really likes to put his 'boy thingie' in her 'you-know-what'

I still have a long list of things that continue to make me question my existence in this world. But i am just going to sign off with my first reaction upon reading this work of art :-

Guest chapter 5 . 3/31
Guest chapter 11 . 3/31
Who else is starting to suspect this might have been a well crafted troll fic?
Guest chapter 10 . 3/31

drewski kun chapter 5 . 3/31
10/10 ign

Would gouge out eyeballs again
Guest chapter 6 . 3/30
My favourite part was the bit about killing vampires with a "steak".
Guest chapter 2 . 3/30
I looked this up because a friend of mine sent me a "dramatic reading" of chapter 17. Two chapters in, and I can't even. I have lost my ability to can.
MysticMarsBars chapter 1 . 3/30
OMFG Dis is so goffikly... awful. I am actually in a state of shock as to how someone could actually write this crap. Dumbledore's in a biiiiit of a bad mood 0_0
Shia LaBeouf chapter 8 . 3/29
Poor, poor Raven... She must have suffered a lot of IQ points for the author...
666goffikimortal chapter 1 . 3/28
Join dis chat for goffik stuff 33622843515942
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