Reviews for Strings
Guest chapter 7 . 8/26/2012
What is haystrand-thin hair? it's quite funny to see my last name mentioned in this book. Haystrand is a unique name of mine that only a few have here in America! This is strange to see it being used to describe thin hair! Very funny! :)
Verran chapter 7 . 10/5/2011
One of the things that makes me decide whether to read a story or not is the reviews. By the reviews alone, Strings went straight on my reading list, and I've not been disappointed.

After reading some fics about a vulnerable, delicate Luigi, (which, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed very much) it is refreshing to see the character at a point in his life where he has matured and moved on. He is more comfortably in control, especially as he is the only one of his group who is on home territory, and he is shown to be a calm and collected leader.

But Luigi is an easily haunted person, and already Strings' premonitions are getting to him. Will he continue to keep his cool?

The characters are well rounded, the humour is subtle, and the adventure is moving at a good pace. I read the 7 chapters all in one go, and not once did I feel that it was dragging.

I am enjoying coming along for the ride on this adventure, and am looking forward to the next instalment.

Good job!
Araceli L chapter 7 . 5/11/2011

Say what you'd like, but I was totally psyched when the prophecy came true. I'm not violent (XD) I just really enjoy when authors are legit and don't bluff through injuries. We need strong authors that can actually kill off a character! (Or at least injure them.) I guess why I liked it so much is because it shows your not just bullshitting us, you are totally legit. And I love that. Mega Mushrooms to you. (Because I still am not sure what the direction translation is for "Kudos".)

As for the tense screw ups, pshaw, I have no idea right now. The great thing is I found basically 0 - read it, ZERO - tense mistakes in this one! that's fabulous! It was much easier to read and made things flow consitetly. And it flowed beautifully, by the way.

I also loved, as always, hints of different places and things, like the Dry Dry Desert and Dr. Stewert. (I was so proud of myself for recognizing that. I was like YEA I KNOW HIM!) Great. It's like a cute little trivia game, while being important to the plot line. Loved it.

Ah, Sheik - or Strings. I really like that, actually. I think I do have one complaint, 's more...sassy than she is mysterious. She's not very vague, but rather very to-the-point, but that's not really a complaint. Also I would love if you played up this "coy" idea. I would be thrilled. ;)

Fantastic vocabularly, as always, and as for the POV, I totally get what you mean. Just perhaps, to be more specific, stick with one POV per chapter. Makes it easier to follow.

So, in conclusion, loved it! Can't wait for the next chapter. AND THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEW TO GIRL WITH ONE EYE! :DDDD

~Araceli L
EggplantWitch chapter 7 . 5/10/2011
Huh, thanks. I'll take your word for it...

This chapter has a feel of LET'S GET THE BORING STUFF OUT OF THE WAY I WANT TO GET THIS GOING NOOOWWWWWWWW, which I feel far too much. It makes it seem just a little bit rushed because the action is so fast compared to your other chapters. I still like it, of course, and there were some important things to get out of the way.

To begin with I was like 'hmm overpowered OC alert' before you explained that she was a human version of Yoshi. The more I thought about it, the more I liked her and got a strong image of her in my mind (she looks kind of like a Pokemon Trainer in my head, weird). I guess I'd rather she die or get mortally wounded than any of the SSBB characters, but still, she is kind of cool :(
1Thunderfire chapter 6 . 5/7/2011
Ooh, the mysterious woman is finally seen! I wonder what she wants with Luigi? Hmm, must read the next chapter...
Araceli L chapter 6 . 5/4/2011

Yet I must. It is my, civic duty. (Quote from a movie probably nobody but me knows.)

I'm gonna start out by saying while you so kindly provided us with music, I had my iPod in, and somehow I found myself listening to Phantom of the Opera while the fighing scene played. Surprisingly I think it made it more intense.;)

This chapter absolutely outdid every other chapter you've written. It's hilarious, it has fantastic vocabularly (unceremonously [sp, haha]; chagrin [other chapter, I know] and another great word I can't remember now haha), great dialogue, snappy characters, BEAUTIFUL DESCRIPTION, superbly paced and plotted action; in general it was AWESOME. YEA.

I LOOOOOVVVVEEEEDDDDD the dialogue! It's perfect! Everything the characters say fits themselves so well, and gosh it's just great. Loved it so much.

The action scene as fabulous and I actually wanted to read it, not skip through it like other actios scenes! I could imagine everything so clearly and I loved it. I'm sorry. I loved this chapter so much.

gosh I have so much more to say but I have to go:( GREAT CHAPTER!

~Araceli L
Araceli L chapter 5 . 5/4/2011
Awww, why do you gotta make each chapter so long? I gotta go do stuff but MUST READ NEXT CHAPTER.

So. I enjoyed it immensely as usual! (Heck, why am I complaining? Prince's Tale remains my longest fanfic by far - and each chapter is about 2 of yours.) Besides my usual praise (which really should be expected by now) I have a few suggestions.

Tense, tense, tense, boy! Do I have to pound it into your head?:) It's okay, everybody has their slip-ups, but it's making it increasingly harder to read what would have been a perfect chapter. Ugh. :( Other than that, I could see no mistakes whatsoever. My only other suggestion would be to maybe keep things in just one POV (but I understand how hard it would be to change things now; you could continue on from here) unless absolutely necessary to the plot. Which it may be, I don't know right now. I love Snake's narration and I love the way you write him because he's such a badass, sarcastic, intelligent, deep character. And you write him that way. Also you're hilarious so that helps his humor.

I laughed out loud several times, which I really didn't think would happen, so I applaud you for that. :) I dig Luigi's chillness and in general I love this story! I also laughed when I saw the Eggplant Witch thing, because she's a friend of mine, and I thought it was great.

So, in short, if I get time to read the next chapter my review will be very short. (And this one was supposed to be short...)

~Araceli L
DragonlordR chapter 6 . 5/3/2011
Whoo! I really like how the story's going. Now mistakes at all! And I do take an interest in the informal narratives. Never expect Luigi to be using bad words in his speech. XD And hey, Luigi finally meets that harp player! Can't wait to confirm my suspicions! o3o
EggplantWitch chapter 6 . 5/2/2011
Hi! I have a feeling that was either a jab at my pickiness or just scuffing some dirt over the matter and leaving it at that.

Well this chapter was stuffed full of cheesy one-liners, and I think that's a good thing. Even if it was way longer than Chap. 5 (which I can't think of much to say about so I'll just stick with Chap. 6). I don't know if it's just my brain comparing your characterisations of them to others I've recently read but all 3 of them are becoming rather gentlemanly in the way they talk which I swear wasn't always the case. Less in the way they act.

The fight scene with the camels was like something out of The Mummy. It really was.
Amertsi chapter 3 . 4/1/2011
I just LOVE the way you write Meta Knight's personality! You capture his serious and dignified nature amazingly, heck, you do a WAY better job than I do! Despite the gruesome and sad ending of this chapter, I found myself laughing a couple times at the hilarious situations Luigi finds himself in when trying to even speak to Meta Knight.

Random comment, but it's cool to know that you read Mockingjay, too! I actually DID cry at the end... :'( The Hunger Games series was just plain awesome.

Thanks for yet another awesome chapter and I can't wait for the next!
1Thunderfire chapter 3 . 4/1/2011
Oh, dman, all the Waddle Dees are dead. They had a short part didn't they? But I'm glad Meta Knight is going to join them; I think he is a pretty cool character in , I like the style.
1Thunderfire chapter 1 . 4/1/2011
Hurrah! A Smash Bros story where Luigi is not depressed or suicidal or gay (nothing against it mind) or whatever! Looks promising, hope Luigi can save the day!
EggplantWitch chapter 3 . 3/31/2011
Wow, MK is kind of a jerk. Like a combination of the one from the 'toon and one from a different fic I read, with interesting results. Keep it up.

What annoyed me, though, was that there was no explanation for the Halberd going down. What happened to it? It's a sturdy, powerful ship, surely it couldn't be downed by a sandstorm? It just seemed very abrupt and unexplained, especially since none of the characters even thought about it.

Also, the only woman I can think of that wears a jumpsuit and has blonde hair is Samus. But I don't think you'd give it away quite that soon, so I guess I'll stick around...
DragonlordR chapter 2 . 3/30/2011
Storyline defenitely got my attention. And hey, even though I've been doing plenty of research on all the series, I still don't know much! But still, you're doing a fine job with characterization already! I'll be keeping an eye on this story to see how it goes!
Araceli L chapter 2 . 3/27/2011
Holy crap, you should NOT have written this story. Wanna know why?

It's so good it freakin' drove me out of bed on a SUNDAY night, (the end of my spring break, mind you) just to review it.



Allow me to begin my chunky review: This is a VERY interesting idea. Both the hero and the villian are captured? Creative. It also plays nicely into a universal theme - balance. Perhaps this will be played into more? It's a tricky thing, balance. I would know.

I was captivated by your opening lines. So strong, so beautiful, so poetic; I think I'm in love with your opening. It was direct, to the point, but it had this short air of mystery about it, and I could picture it perfectly in my mind. Heck, I got little butterflies in my stomach, that sweet feeling you get when you sit back and watch life go on around you. And THAT'S good writing.

It is nice to see a story about Luigi that's not depressing, and I kinda like your take on that "eyebrow-raiser" LuigixSnake, how you make them friends instead, haha. I love Snake's character, and I think you're doing a nice job portraying him. He smiles quite a lot for someone who had a rather sucky life. (I know pretty much zip about the other characters too, save for LoZ. I'm a Zelda freak. But I read up on Snake for one of my stories, and I suggest playing into his rather tragic backstory when you can.)

Daisy and Luigi's interaction is cute, and their relationship is well-explained. However, actions speak louder than words, but I only speak as someone who assumes she'll be coming back into the story. But you obviously have a good idea of what makes sense, and what works, and the way things do work; this is showcased in your simple explaination of how they balance each other. (Oh oh, balance yet again!)

So Sheik is playing the harp for Luigi, hmm? I wonder why. Does it mean anything? A romantic connection? (That'd be a sight to see.) A hidden past? Magic? Why would Sheik be tailing Luigi to play the harp for him? It's obviously important but for this one I really can't figure it out. Does it have anything to do with Mario and Bowser?

I like Snake and Luigi, and the companionship they have. Meta-Knight will be a very interesting mix, I must say. You know, for some odd reason in all of my stories he never talked. He just wouldn't. Haha I don't know why. Anyway. I say that because I'm always (for some reason) shocked and surprised when he talks in these fics, so I'm excited to see your take on him. I especially loved the line "I'm not even sure if he's a villain, a hero, or someone who gives a damn." (Though I can't help but wonder if you meant "doesn't give". I'm thinking no, which is an interesting take.)

I loved your plays on Mute City and the Mushroom Kingdom and such. I loved your mini-references to other Smashers and things, but last I heard Falcon's name was Douglas Jay. (Sorry. OCD.) In the end it's your story anyway.

Now, the writing itself: I liked it, and it was really good. Perhaps not perfect, but who is? I guess the thing that brought it down for me was your dialogue. I liked the dialogue itself, but the punctuationa nd grammar was wrong. It made it choppy and hard to read, which interrupted what could have been a beautiful flow. When I first opened the story (and liked your A/Ns) I was surprised, but impressed to see it was in present tense. A little bold, for your first fic. I wasn't worried about it though, until I kept reading. That's when I realized you'd switched into past tense. I thought maybe you did that on purpose? But as I went on you made this error several times, and that also really broke what was a beautiful, consistent flow to the story. Stick to one tense. Other than that you're writing was good. But you used "dubious" three times, twice in one paragraph, and that's a little redundant. Try a thesaurus, as well as perhaps adding a few more adjectives. I can picture a bit of what you're talking about, but a few more colorful adjectives would be nice.

All in all, great plot, interesting ideas and foreshading twists, but smooth writing chopped by sloppy errors. Keep up the goods, fix the bads, and I can't wait for the next chapter. :)
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