|Reviews for Digimon: The Unknown Journey|
| Linkmaste chapter 4 . 8/10
interesting story you have so far. I would say it's hard keeping track of the names so far. Also your boys Jason and Phil could use some dialogue editing they sound a little too formal. I like Mayu so far she seems cool. oh and I'm not sure how it's done in Britain but police don't salute their superiors unless it's an extreme high up or a ceremony. when I talk to my chief I just call him chief. that's my opinion. looking forward to more dialogue and action. Link
| Bolo42 chapter 4 . 5/26/2014
Neat story, keep it up!
| Danny Power and his Broken Sky chapter 1 . 8/31/2013
I really like it, and I understand what you've mentioned in your earlier review. It was enjoyable to read, with believeable characters and dialogue, and it sets itself up nicely for you to capitalise in your next chapters, a great start!
| PkmnMaster Rolf chapter 3 . 6/5/2013
And as promised, here is Spirit.
Spirit: *sigh* I'll have you know I am writing this review under extreme protest!
Duly noted. Now tell him how nice it was.
Spirit: It was nice.
And how I could understand it even with my limited knowledge of Digimon
Spirit: What he said.
You're cheating. (Spirit tosses his head arrogantly and glares) Sorry about that. he's not being very cooperative. Good story, so far. I COULD understand it, which considerin I have only a passing knowledge of the show is a stellar commendation. Good job.
| Champbybirth chapter 3 . 12/20/2012
Its wonderful... thre were gram mistakes but everyone has them... its first digi fic i read and its gud...
| xXVen-nificentXx chapter 3 . 11/15/2012
Nice story, can't wait to see what happens next.
| Thinker chapter 1 . 5/29/2012
Hey there, SDR! I saw you've written a story here and decided to give it a read.
So far I've just looked at the first chapter. It's interesting, I like Allen as a daydreamer type of character. He seems friendly and easy-going, but irresponsible; the type of guy who would make a good friend (though not a good employee). It's also an interesting take on the whole Digimon thing to have the main character be an adult instead of a kid.
One problem I am having here is the naming, if you don't mind my saying. First, what kind of name is "The Nimrod Building?" And "Garden of Tranquility" is nice, but it sounds like something you'd find in a park, or perhaps a theme park, but not the rest area outside an office building. Lastly, why is the digimon in the story named "Cresta?" That's a sharp deviation from the typical naming scheme where the species name is also the individual's name (like "Agumon" or "Palmon" etc.).
Still, interesting start, I look forward to reading the rest of the story!
| AbZHz101 chapter 2 . 12/27/2011
A Dorumon- well if we're seeing one that means big stuff is going to go down. Otherwise the "Lord of the Empty Throne" (Alphamon, one of Dorumon's Mega forms) would not be involved, even if he isn't at Mega.
I think this has been the Cannon rule of thumb but it's never been stated so it migh not be true: one Royal Knight partnered with humans- the world is in danger, two or more- Eat, Drink, Be Merry, and Repent for the Apocolipse is Nigh. (the number over two just says how much everything is doomed)
| Zokolov chapter 1 . 11/18/2011
The line breaks were a constant problem for me in the past. I'd recommend using the "Insert horizontal line" feature in the Doc Manager, but this works too.
Now, onto the story. It looks pretty interesting, and there was a funny scene with between Allen and Helen ("were you just talking to the plant pot?". I also liked the opening monologue.
There was some oddities, too. You said you'd only use official digimon, but I've never heard of this Cresta(mon?). Maybe you could explain that one? I haven't watched all the series, though, so there's that. Also, the grammar was a bit odd at some parts. Especially this sentence:
"He had very messed up chestnut-blonde hair which despite, if he ever applied a comb to, would not be tamed...".
I think I would have went for something else. Maybe "He had very messed up chestnut-blonde hair which could not be tamed, despite several attempts to apply a comb to it." Though that sounds a bit weird, too... well, I'm sure you can think of something.
Like you said in your profile, a good beta reader could fix those things. There were a few more of those, but they were pretty minor ones.
Also, I think you described the characters well physically, but their personalities perhaps need some work. The dialogue, too. I have to agree with Cresta's "Stop being blunt", as it's a bit awkward for Allen to announce Cresta personality like that.
But besides those things, it could end up being very interesting. I'll check out the other chaps, too.
| TheallknowingandUnseen chapter 1 . 10/7/2011
Interesting. Finding a digimon should bring some light to a gloomy workday.
| lf-deleted chapter 2 . 4/8/2011
That was another intriguing chapter! It's definitely funny with the scenes with Helen and Allen... XD
Keep up the awesome work!
| LilyFragrance chapter 1 . 3/19/2011
This is LilyFragrance (except I'm too lazy to log in on my iPod.)
I'm sorry for not reviewing earlier! I just recently discovered teachers LOVE to place major things just before Spring Break. 'Nyways, this was an awesome start-off. There are a few minor mistakes, but none are too notable. I look forward to your next chapter!