Reviews for Pivot Point
DezoPenguin chapter 1 . 4/9/2011
Well! That wasn't at all what I expected from the summary (I assumed the "unlikely friend" would end up being a canon character, whether it was Lyle, Mieu, Rhys's father, or even Maia herself), but it was very enjoyable. I so often forget how old the PSIII cast really is (ironically, it's Rhys's hotheadedness in the wake of the broken wedding, where he's consumed by the need to act rather than any appreciation of consequences, that makes the first generation the one where we get to see that), and you depict Lena here as a heartbroken girl, having the kind of meltdown that, well, a teenage girl *would* have if the boy she loved (and, indeed, was engaged to!) had been suddenly swept off his feet by the mysterious arrival of another girl right out of a romance novel, and yet was forced to live out that drama in public.

Incidentally, I rather liked the bit where Lena was talking about having only worked on her combat training because she though it would impress Rhys. It rather reflects her awful performance in battle-and the fact that Maia never gets to be in combat at all, which you allude to as well.

As for Idris, he's an intriguing OC. Older, wiser (or just calmer), he's able to step in on Lena's behalf; his sympathy comes through strongly. It's neat how you are able to convey his age as an adult through the eyes of Lena, making him seem older than his late-twenties age would suggest (indeed, this reflects what we see in the game itself, where previous-generation heroes, despite being only in their mid-thirties, are depicted as being almost elderly, which from a story standpoint is due to the need to explain why they aren't out doing the necessary heroing, but also may well be a perspective issue, as they would *seem* much older to their teenage sons and to the assumed audience of tween/teen players!), and yet build sympathy enough between them that makes me wonder if, for example, you're obliquely suggesting that he might be Sari's father.

(Idris's conspiracy theory is also interesting since we as players know that Maia is innocent but that it's strongly implied that Dark Force's minions from Lashute were the ones who were responsible for her ending up in Landen.)

All in all, this was a very nice story, and I'm happy to see that your talents for PSII writing have fully carried over to PSIII.
ByeAccount chapter 1 . 3/21/2011
First: How do you come up with such awesome titles!

Second: Like, whoa. Lena is spazzin', and who can blame her? You really convey the anguish of the situation; the comparisons she makes of herself and of Maia; the bottled up feelings of pain that just... explodes.

Idris is also a character that rocks. Seriously now, Rhys WHO?

Well done on another piece, my friend! I'm totally a Lena fan, and this is a ficcie that I'm already cherishing!
The Good Doctor chapter 1 . 3/20/2011
Once again, you present us fans with some of the best-written prose in the annals of PS fandom. Your descriptive abilities remain second-to-none among the authors whose works I'm familiar with.

"Thankfully the strings section of the orchestra happened to be in the middle of a lively set of arpeggios as Lena screamed, drowning out the princess..."

"She always wore blue, which made Lena the Red, with her tomboyish, stocky physique, the opposite of Maia, the magical Blue Fairy, the woman stealing Lena's fiancé."

Excellent examples of what you do best.

I think that her histrionics and overall grief, as immature as they might come across as, embiggen her character in the end, when we consider how much she selflessly helped Rhys. If Rhys marries her, then he has chosen a woman of character indeed. If not, then so much more tragic that a person of so many qualities died so young.

I liked the inclusion of suspicions of Maia's participation in all this, even if Idris' hunch ends up being wrong. At least it adds a new angle to the story. It's also sad when you consider Idris' declaration about Satera and the city's eventual fate. That's some nice dramatic irony right there.

You continue to enrich us all with your writing and use of language.
Black Sword chapter 1 . 3/19/2011
The way you handled Lena's emotions was fantastic! I mean, I still hated how miserable the poor darling was in the story, and I wanted to go Shaken Baby Syndrome on her useless maids, but that just means you did your job well! Much to Lena's misfortune...yes, I know, character development, but still. I like Lena!

Anyway, Idris is a good bloke, the sort of commanders soldiers like best, and it's good to see he prefers to avoid the unpleasantness of court life.

Let's see the next one soon!
tilinelson2 chapter 1 . 3/18/2011
Great story. Nice to see you writing about PSIII.

Well, you did a great job protraying in a more realistic way the awkward event of a prince wanting to marry a stranger that appeared out of nowhere, with all its political and social implications, including the court gossip and intrigue.

I think everybody sees Lena as a jealous woman, who easily gets mad and hates Maia (after all, she is Saris mother, so that temper had to come from somewhere :p). Of course the game makes it more awkward in stating the Lena and Rhys didnt knew each other, though they were betrothed, but it is easier and nicer the way you developed the story.

When we will read more? I just cant wait.