|Reviews for Beyond All Odds|
| Guest chapter 3 . 9/15/2012
Hey! Hopefully you will get inspired to continue this story! Thanks for your words :)
| The Goddamn Dark Knight chapter 1 . 2/16/2012
you should post another chapter! and are you implying tim and kara and item? cuz its cool!
| jschneids chapter 2 . 7/14/2011
Turns out I already had a Story Alert set up. Whoops haha.
Hmm (thoughtful chin stroking). I don't like to beat around the bush and sugarcoat things, so I'll be blunt. There were some things that I liked, and some things that I didn't. If I'm a bit harsh at times, I apologize, but this is how I review, and its done with the intention of helping you improve. Oddly enough, it was rather a even split this chapter.
I thought the first half of this chapter, Kara's section and the beginning of Tim's, was good. Kara's fear and confusion at her new setting was very nice, though I think perhaps you could have started her section from when she emerged from the pod, to really give a full sense of her shock. Your recreation of the scenes from the comic, with her breaking the thug's hand and getting the trench coat, was pretty cool, as were the bursts of heat vision. That being said, there were a few odd turns of phrases I caught. "Dramatically huge flames" just sounds a little odd to me, as was describing her emerging onto the street as "ironic". Struck me as strange
I really liked the start of Tim's section, up until a point. There was a good balance between wit and a slight teenage boy cockiness, which was nice to see. That changed when you brought in Superman.
Call me a stickler, but I thought it was a little odd you have Robin on a first name basis with Superman, and having access to the comms he uses. Your naming him as Clark Kent/Superman is more of that sort of reader hand holding thing which detracts from your narrative. You can expect people to have some basic knowledge of what they're reading. Oh, and if someone doesn't know Superman's secret identity, then I don't know what rock they've been living under. The dialogues between Tim and Bruce were a bit wonky, and I found them a bit unrealistic. The codenaminng kryptonite as bay rocks was just redundant, I thought. I mean tons of the stuff rained down into the water in the comic and everyone knows that, so its a pretty transparent code to begin with, and there's a number of people who know that Batman keeps kryptonite, so its unnecessary too.
Moving on. Robin's little book nook was...odd, as well as the fact that he was reading during such a strange and major occurrence. Also, the mystery novel reference is probably going to go above a lot of people's heads. It got better after that though. the wrap up of the chapter was pretty good, even though its a copy of the comic. I was slightly disappointed that Tim's injury didn't occur yet. I was sort of expecting it to be in his first encounter with her, or during the outburst in the cave, so now I'm intrigued to see how you'll do it.
I guess my main complaint was Tim's dialogues. His internal monologues and thoughts at the beginning and end were good, but in the middle of his section talking with Bruce and Clark they fell a bit flat for me. His belligerence towards Bruce and almost superior attitude (again I could just be misreading that) struck me as odd, and not in line with the typical Batman-Robin relationship. It seems to me that you're trying to show the normal teenage boy chafing under restrictions and raging against authority, which is good to include and I'm sure part of the relationship, but you're all over the place in the execution of it. A little more focus and adjustment and it would be spot on, I think.
Congrats on reposting it. You'll get a lot more traffic, and therefore reviews, this way. I'd recommend redoing your summary, though. Giving a disclaimer of a crappy summary doesn't excuse a crappy summary haha. I thought the one that you had with your first repost was pretty good. "Overcoming disability" just sounds so sappy to me.
So there's my line, and I'm sticking to it haha. I've told you before, I won't sugarcoat things. I'm happy to help and review and love the concept, but it'll be tough love, and if it stings, I apologize but it is what it is. I invite you to be just as brutal with me and my work. Best of luck, my friend.
| jschneids chapter 1 . 6/20/2011
Hello again. They don;t allow duplicate reviews for the same chapter, hence the anon review.
Much improved, much improved, especially on Tim's side of things, though your tweaks to Kara's narrative did not go unnoticed. The situation you set up, with Batman kind of pushing Robin off to the side so that he could handle the larger threat, was much more believable I thought.
There were a few minor spelling and grammar errors, typos, I'm sure, but nothing that a proofread can't fix. You can only improve from here, my friend. There's a few small remaining kinks in your narrations, some weird phrasing here or there and some redundant information on Kara's part, but when all is said and done, it looks great, and I am eager to see where you will take it from here. (By the way, just message me when the next chapter is up. I can't set up a story alert, having already reviewed this chapter.)
Until next time, my friend
| jschneids chapter 1 . 6/11/2011
You have an interesting concept here, to be sure. Linking up a newly arrived Supergirl with a maimed Robin (I'm assuming it's Tim, though you never explicitly stated who it was) is sure to create an interesting dynamic. That being said, the execution of this concept could use some improvement.
Having the story told in tow dueling first person perspectives is a nice stylistic choice, but you have to make sure that one perspective is just as strong as the other; I felt that your Robin segments were noticeably weaker than the Supergirl sections. The invented back story for his injury was, to be a frank, a little flimsy, and could use some improvement. Also, little things like him identifying himself as Bruce's protege (this is from his point of view. He'd already know that. You don't have to hold the reader's hand every step of the way)weren't really helping. The devil is in the details, or so the saying goes. So that could use some improvement. You're doing a first person story, so try putting yourself in your character's head; try and think what he would think, feel what he would feel.
That being said, I thought the Supergirl sections were alright. You captured a sense of abandonment and despair that would go hand in hand with that situation. So bravo. Again, maybe a little less hand holding next time, but all in all solid job with that.
So yah, in nutshell, solid concept, though the Robin perspective needs some improvement. Good luck with the rest of this. Interested to see where you take it
| moonie44foreternity chapter 1 . 6/10/2011
WOWZERS! This is great!