Reviews for Happy Ending
T0M Serv0 chapter 1 . 9/2/2011
So the story opens with Malachi forcing Nichole to leave because he's going to be killing everybody's parents, inlcluding hers. Okay, sure, until I think about this a bit more and wonder how she DIDN'T see that coming. Gatlin is a very small town where everybody knows each other and so do the kids. Was she just not around at all when the kids were with Isaac? Surely she must've heard about it. She even knows who Isaac is. This doesn't make much sense.

And why doesn't Malachi send her off with her parents too, if he's that much of a nice guy? It just sounds so incredibly messed up, that he cares for her but not for her parents or what he's going to do. It sure doesn't sound like he's being forced into it, as he even says "What's going to happen isn't what you're cut out for", impling that he's able to do it no problem.

I wonder if any of that will be questioned in the story, since she seems more concerned about Malachi/Craig than she is about her own parents. She never once thinks about them when she runs away. I'm not sure if she even has any relatives in Heminford or anything, or how she's supposed to explain why she's even there. None of this seems planned.

[Nichole sighed as she drove along the road quickly. It had been four years, four long years, since she'd seen her hometown of Gatlin. She had no idea what had happened after Craig – no, she told herself, Malachai – had made her leave. It didn't matter though; she'd made a promise to her best friend and she was going to keep it.]

So in four years she hasn't once looked up her family? Boy is she selfish. I guess the people she stayed with, if she stayed with anybody at all, cared less about it too and never thought to question her or even wonder as to what happened to her parents.

She does mention them, offhand, when mentioning her brother. This isn't realistic at all. At least she brought a bat to protect herself against perverts.

Ugh, the reunion scene was pretty corny.

["Hemingford. I have a foster family there…Malachai, what happened in Gatlin? Why were only the kids there?" Nichole whispered, shivering slightly as the stalks on either side of the road swayed violently.]

A foster family. Who never once questioned why she suddenly didn't have any parents and why she never bothered to tell them that they were in Gatlin.

["I'm serious. Isaac came to us and told us that if we purged the town of the adults, then He Who Walks Behind the Rows would revive the land, and the corn, making everything better again. It was true but…" he trailed off.]

The problem with this is that it goes way out of character to what Malachi is in the movie. If he was acting, then it was either some very good acting or his character just turned a complete 80.

["So…so all the adults…all our parents…" Nichole let out a sob when Malachai nodded before launching herself at him. "My Mom and Dad…" ]

You didn't care about them at all in the past four years so these breakdowns seem out of place to me.

And oh boy the ending. So Nichole was totally okay with Malachi killing other adults as long as it wasn't hers. No trauma, no uncomfortable glances, no awkward speeches, nothing. Its all brushed aside in a cheesy family ending.

How to make it better: I like the idea that the story had at first with Malachi trying to hide a horrible thing from a girl he actually cares about. Sure it doesn't excuse the monstrous acts he did and perhaps he was trying to save Nichole from what he thought was a horrible situation. Then when Nichole tries to come back, like maybe a day later instead of four years, Malachi tries to keep her from finding out but she finds out anyway. That would've been an interesting conflict and a possible suggestion.

Instead what happened here was an attempt at trying to make Malachi a good guy reunited with his true love. It doesn't work because of all the illogical things that happen. Nobody takes into consideration that he was in charge of murdering adults, other kids' parents, and even though he didn't kill Nichole's parents, he sure didn't try to stop it from happening. Nichole doesn't seem all that upset either.

Perhaps eventually she was okay with it, but from the way this story started and ended, I doubt such things ever crossed her mind.
CherryKyun chapter 1 . 7/17/2011
This is so cute! :D x3
Nichole chapter 1 . 5/1/2011
I love the story. Keep on writing. P.S. I love you for spelling Nichole that way.
Sesshysauce57 chapter 1 . 4/7/2011
I loved it! :3 keep on writing!