|Reviews for Green-Eyed Snake|
| MangaMagic chapter 11 . 3/19
You're going to make me cry. Please tell me you made it up to Neville, I csn't imagine that boy so sad, it breaks my heart!
| Angel chapter 13 . 12/10/2013
Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! I've seen people do this before, but they tended to - like you said - "let loose with their usual style". I applaud you for trying (and succeeding) to stay true to the original feel of Potter, and your good decision not to highlight the excerpts of the original text.
May all the great plot bunnies find themselves with you! ;)
| Rhys chapter 10 . 10/9/2013
Re: Unwelcome Guest,
Admittedly FFnet isn't really an ideal environment for interaction, but I'm a big fan of constructive criticism, so...I do what I can. And I really appreciate the input, thank you!
I believe I'll leave the direct quotes the way they are (just because I'm hardly qualified to re-Britishify the whole text, and I feel like if I start that, then where would I stop?), but you make a good point regarding realistic dialect. I'll go through and switch the sections I wrote back over to more appropriate Brit-speak.
If you come across any other issues in the course of your reading, please don't hesitate to let me know! I really do appreciate it, thanks.
| Unwelcome Guest chapter 10 . 10/9/2013
Um, wow, I wasn't expecting to get a direct response.
I think on the whole, it would be best to stick with what the characters themselves would say. The "posher" Slytherins like Malfoy would say "Mother". Harry, the Weasleys and other characters from less snooty backgrounds would say "Mum". Other than that, I wouldn't worry about diverging from the text when it comes to things like "Mummy" and whatnot (I don't recall many instances of that from the English novels). But I can say for sure that they never call their mothers "Mom", and it's a little jarring when I read them doing so. It doesn't annoy me exactly, it just breaks immersion very slightly.
| Rhys chapter 8 . 10/9/2013
I'm actually aware of the locational distinction between mum and mom, but the problem is, I'm quoting and paraphrasing vast sections of the text, and unfortunately I have to work off of the American publication because that's the one I own, wherein "mom" is used instead (because the first volume was very heavily tweaked for American audiences alas), and since I'm taking so many liberties with the story, I don't want to just blithely change things because I ASSUME they're different/incorrect/I know what they should be/etc. Because what if in the British version, it says "mother" or "mummy" or any of a hundred other different things instead? I have no way of knowing for sure. Heck, the sentences might be entirely different in the original publication. So I stick with what I know for sure, only making corrections/alterations of things that are absolutely certain.
So then I try and stay with the tone established there for the rest of the story; hence, "mom" cropping up a lot in this chapter. I did try and slide in a "mum" when Harry got more emotional about it, as a sort of transition, but I just didn't want it to look too glaringly different to have "mom" in the section about the Mirror, and then consistently use mum everywhere else.
I'm sorry it annoyed you, though. Do you think it would be less disconcerting to just swap over to "mum" whenever I'm not quoting directly? Because this is actually something I thought about, but decided on the only partial use of "mum" in hopes of making it LESS noticeable...but if that isn't working, I could be convinced to go back to my gut instinct of "mum"ing it all.
| U.G chapter 8 . 10/9/2013
Harry is not American and would not talk like one. I don't mind you using American-English spellings, but it gets a bit irritating hearing these British kids referring to their mothers as "Mom". It's "Mum".
| DJ8210 chapter 13 . 7/13/2013
Harry seems like too much of a follower and lacks the .spunk he was supposed to have. Oh well, I'll consider this as an OC
| lambtoslaughter chapter 3 . 5/17/2013
I truly love your story so far! It's extremely disconcerting to think Harry's path could have been so dramatically different had a tiny thing like who he met first on platform 9 and 3/4 been altered. I'm glad he met the Weasleys! Still, it's great how well you are explaining what and why things are happening the way they are. It makes sense that, had someone told him how great Slytherin was, instead of how awful, that he'd want to end up there. It also makes a lot of sense that he is so desperate to prove himself... for his dead parents as well as to live up to the hype and hoopla that surrounds his name and scar. Can't wait to continue reading!
| Mother of Tears chapter 13 . 3/18/2013
I loved it!
| GrammarCounts chapter 4 . 1/12/2013
Loving the story so far, although the excessive use of adverbs bothers me as much as it does in the original-which is surely exactly what you intended, so well done at capturing the proper voice. Even if it sometimes makes me cringe.
Now, because I'm a busybody...a reply to "Just Saying":
You do know that just because you read something in a story somewhere, that doesn't make it canon, right? That's how fanfiction works. I'm pretty sure that the author here is trying to base her story off the book, not off fanon. So while "given [Draco's] background [it is] entirely possible" that he was just flying in the French style, the fact that when Madame Hooch corrects him in the BOOK, he doesn't protest with that excuse but rather just sits there angrily, I doubt it's actually TRUE. Otherwise he would have spoken up in canon, don't you think? He's all about coming up with stories to make himself look good.
So while the excuse is a perfectly believable one, and was an entirely reasonable inclusion in a fanfic, such as the one you read, it's not CANONICAL. Thus, for the purposes of this story, he is technically still doing it wrong, yes. Unless the author of this story included a note somewhere that I missed, saying, "as well as basing this story off of JKR's canon I am also basing it off of this one fanfiction story where Draco flies in the French style and thus wasn't actually flying wrong," then yes...sorry...he's flying wrong. In canon, and in this fanfiction, which is based off of the canon. And not off this one story that you read once, which for all you know this author has never even heard of before. So why you would point it out as if it meant you had found a continuity gap in this story, I cannot understand.
Sorry...shouldn't have stuck my nose in I'm sure; sometimes people just bewilder me.
| Just Saying chapter 4 . 1/11/2013
I once read a story where Draco told Madam Hooch that the reason he was supposedly flying his broom wrong was b/c he had learned to fly in the french style. So technically he wasn't doing it wrong. Given his background that's entirely possible.
| Fuyutaro son chapter 13 . 1/9/2013
great chapter, i'm still a little annoyed with the nevil thing, but i get it. anyway, on to the next one! :D
| Fuyutaro son chapter 11 . 1/9/2013
well, my opinion of harry is slowly dropping more and more. T_T
| Guest chapter 13 . 11/11/2012
A vere different story and for it I give you: Five Bronze Stars.
Hope to see more one day soon.
The Crimson Mage.
| Pazia28 chapter 13 . 10/13/2012
it was good until the end. a unheroic harry was a majior let down