|Reviews for Love's Labours Lost|
| Lithuria chapter 2 . 5/10/2011
I'm enjoying what I read in so far as the plot goes, it's very intruiging and I'm just waiting to see what mischief the spies of Drasnia have managed to get into with regards to Lady Annewyn!
You are right in saying that your chapters are short, but when you look at them closely, most of the action has gone into describing individual people and, especially in chapter one, what one individual happens to be wearing! It would help bulk your story out a great deal if you were to describe other things too...we know for example that Ce'Nedra and Islena are there, but describing perhaps what they are wearing could give us a good clue into what kind of a meeting this is (is this the wedding rehearsal, a formal banquet, a more informal meeting of friends?) which isn't really explored. But don't get bogged down in the minute details, if they aren't central to the story then a courtesy nod would suffice!
And don't just stop at the ladies either, tell us a little more about the men. Are they looking tired after a long journey, or are they bored because they want to get back to the tavern and gamble away their hard earned money? And what about their surroundings? The weather? How does this garden look? Is there anything unusual?
Once again, no need to get bogged down in minute detail, but a little more description to put us into the scene would really really help this out! You can do it as you have shown with the beautiful description you wrote about Annewyn's dress, so show us the rest of the world too! :)
Other things that wouldn't go amiss in the story would be, as others have mentioned, a little more action and dialogue. You mention in chapter two for example how Annewyn sits almost silently while everyone else talks...well, I don't know about everyone else but I'm certainly nosey and would love to hear what they're all saying together :D
All in all the plot line is good and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes, however as a story on the whole it is a little bare bones and would benefit hugely from some fleshing out :)
| slytherinsal chapter 2 . 5/10/2011
If she's falsly accused the entire network of spies ought to know because they are so extensive... so what game are the spies playing and is Annewyn in on it as a play to catch a traitor or several? If it was an Annewyn lookalike that's pretty risky because of how she walks, geatures; the spies would all know that. and the chance of comparing notes.
Nope, this has to be a game of Javelin's and Kheldar's hatching.
| Lou-deadfroggy chapter 2 . 5/10/2011
Nice little snipit there, naughty Silk! Oh dear, I was starting to like Annewyn but she's gone and hurt poor little Kheva now! I hope she gets a chance to defend herself though, he should let her explain. What happened to Liselle? She won't be happy with Silk unless you've deleted her or something. I can't wait to see where this goes, please update again soon.
| Lou-deadfroggy chapter 1 . 5/8/2011
Okay, I'm reviewing because I want to read more. It's alright, you have a good plot but there's very little dialogue, no action and the paragraph at the end is confusing. Your description is beautiful and I'm sorry to moan because it's great and the way you show Lady Annewyn is brilliant. I just hope something happens soon. Please update!
| slytherinsal chapter 1 . 3/26/2011
Looking forward to finding more about her - and whether she's as innocent and limpid eyed as she sounds or whether she's as artful as a bag full of squirrels like so many Drasnian women.
It's easier to find by Googling Purplecorsetgown41000 by thte way; though your description of it has a perfectly good pic in the head, and i like the colour i see in your description better... more a royal purple than the almost damson colour in the pic. But then i am prejudiced against damson colour; it makes me look ill.