|Reviews for Iris|
| LyssiLuvr chapter 1 . 8/15/2011
So unbelievably cute! Ahhhhhh! I really like this story!
| Farla chapter 1 . 5/8/2011
[" Jade's voice rang shrilly, not in an unpleasant way. there's this certain charm in it but just so to distinguish how Jade would sound like. Like pumpkin spice. ]
You keep not capitalizing the start of some sentences for no discernible reason. Don't do that.
Also, I have no idea what you're trying to say about Jade's voice, it's a jumbled mess.
[John, with all his (slightly non-existent) strength ]
Kid wields a hammer, I don't think he'd really be defined by lack of physical strength.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Dave and John's relationship is done cutely, but you really need to pay more attention to mechanics. And why no Rose getting in on this when the story's all about Dave not realizing something?
| GrimmKitten chapter 1 . 5/1/2011
Heehee, this is fucking adorable. Dave, you so dumb XD
I really liked this idea! Thank you for typin' it up!
| Clazzi chapter 1 . 4/17/2011
Oh gog, this is adorable. I loved it. Hope you write more HS fic in the future.