|Reviews for Afterlife|
| Kaminari-Ikazuchi chapter 1 . 7/20/2017
This may be a few years old, but it's f****** awesome.
first of all because of the rating system introduction. Nothing to add there since everything was said.
Then, I was unable to see any obvious mistake, even though i m not American or English.
For the plot, even if it may not sound like the usual duo destroying anyone on their way, I liked it since they are not assassins anymore, and only two persons living together. Also, Elen was as we could expect her to be. Not a cold women or an overexited teenager, but someone still having difficulties to live like anyone, influenced by her past life and seeking for feelings she couldn't experience alone. Reiji's poetry was quite unexpected yet I didn't find it too odd.
Good job on this story, I would enjoy reading more stories from you ;-).
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/24/2014
Thank you for making this. I consider this as a more fitting end for the story instead of that made-up one by Bee Train. I hope you continue this but I guess that would be asking for too much. Thank you again. :)
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/19/2013
Short sweet and you manage to ship both of them without having them break character kudos I hope you see this review :)
| YukiNoSamurai chapter 1 . 1/5/2013
I thought I would give a critique. Well, I thought the plot had good intentions, but it wasn't very well developed. I don't mean you didn't plan it beforehand, but it lacked a lot of things. You do need to work on your grammar. Specifically word choice and punctuation (like commas for example). There were many sentences that had the incorrect form of a word. For example near the end "kissed her to the lips". It's "kissed her lips on the lips".
There are some things that aren't necessary to be said or could benefit from a good revision. Like "Not just officially, but officially officially." "Eren woke up on her bed". Also stating the closet had clothes. It's one of those common sense statements.
I think you should work on description, writing with description and action. It makes for a more interesting story. For example "Eren rolled over in her bed, glancing at her partner who was still asleep. She sat up, getting tangled in her sheets to see her clock read 6:12." "Reiji slowly leaned closer to Eren and placed a hand on her back, gently kissing her."
Those are simply examples of good description and action that can help build the text of your story.
Well, you may be tired of reading all of my critiquing by now. Just remember, work on building your stories. From the grammar: correct word choice and punctuation, to description, and interaction. Don't fret about it being your first story. Just keep up the hard work and practice a lot! Only through practice and recognizing the weak areas will you get better. After all, even professionals need editors to assist.
Best of luck. Hope you will continue to write, as well as support Reiji x Eren!
| Dragon VS Phoenix chapter 1 . 4/4/2011
nice hope you will continue with the story and elaborate the story more would be nice if you hade reiji and elen meet the formers family like after have a kid and that they will find out that reiji has a real sister or something hahah ... just me brain storming but yeah ciao for now