|Reviews for Path of a Calling|
| Musica chapter 8 . 2/1/2013
Overall very interesting how it panned out, that Aseph and Rasmus will be butting heads a bit but I feel like this was, once again, rushed. You offered very little development by skipping over it. Moriah is attached to the unit that she follows Aseph almost blindly into Elyos territory. Without any page breaks or other indicators, it's very sudden to be reading how they've been in that area for some time and are terse with each other. I suggest bulking up this chapter, putting more meat into what's going on with each of the main characters. If you don't want to write a whole new scene regarding their change in attitudes, then at least flush out what you did write to show more of a transition.
| toolazytologin chapter 6 . 8/10/2012
Awesome story! I love where its going :D I'll add it to my faves later once I manage to login :)
| Musica chapter 6 . 8/2/2012
I really like where you took this chapter. Their sudden kick start of mutual interest aside, I appreciated getting to see a bit more of Aseph, that he's far from perfect and justifying your earlier statement that he avoids Pandaemonium society. Adding the Elyos component was a nice touch given Moirah has only a biased idea of them as opposed to a general who has dealt with them for a prolonged period of time - it sets up a nice situation to flush out their personalities and differences while providing a topic that could potentially be contested and allows for growth. I am excited to see how this adventure continues :)
| Musica chapter 5 . 8/1/2012
I'm glad that you have promised yourself to finish this story. The beginning of this chapter was a great start, but the end gave me a sense that your mind is rushing to get through to the end. Perhaps that's just your storyteller self mentally gearing up ideas for Guild Wars 2, but you should remind it to slow down. Moirah really deserves a whole story. Do I want to see her with Aseph? Yes, but this felt very fast. Eight days to figure out what felt right and wrong, to figure out herself and her feelings for Rasmus versus Aspeh... I don't think it's that easy to figure out the first time. Suspend that and say that Moirah is that mentally capable and in tune with herself, coming to terms with it so quickly when she has been raised in a socialite society, I don't think she'd let herself act so rashly. She knows this is a mission, he's her superior and a general. My suggestion is to rewrite this chapter, expand the ending with Aseph's perspective, his fears regarding the rescue and risking a new cleric. Take Moira and her acceptance of the risks and her introspection, develop her. And don't just delete - save that kiss scene for later. You have the creativity to tease your audience with this relationship. We all want it, and know it's bound to happen. It's the process of getting there.
| Musica chapter 3 . 8/27/2011
I truly enjoyed Ascension. What a pleasant surprise Moriah's journey continues! I'm waiting with baited breath for the next chapter. If possible (I know it's difficult), try to break up the paragraphs more when you change character. Not a huge deal - just eases transition.