|Reviews for The Outcast|
| iCelebi chapter 16 . 4/28
O.M.A! I was correct!
| iCelebi chapter 15 . 4/28
Alvin is going to turn into me isn't he?
| Vadrack chapter 17 . 3/5/2014
| SuperShaymin2 chapter 1 . 8/2/2013
Wow. From what I've seen so far, this goes far beyond any transformation fanfic I've ever read; and I've read over 1500 fanfics O_o
| Dustchu chapter 1 . 4/27/2013
My eyes couldn't focus on the text, did he turn into a Pikachu? or a plusle or minun? anyway good chapter. :D
| Memento mori chapter 3 . 4/14/2013
Oughhhhh... My brain hurts...
| DraconicReclaimer chapter 1 . 2/3/2012
this story is so confusing i stoped trying to read it
| zerones chapter 17 . 12/13/2011
The Aeon paradox dammit. That is happining now has happen before, and will happen again. Aeon means eternity for most people today. The paradox only happens like the Grandfather paradox.
If I kill my grand father before he give birth to my father how can I kill him?
That means that your story goes in circles forever. Becouse of the timetravel is connected to the events of the story. If they hadn't stopped team rocket(this cahapter) in the past, the worldships probly wouldn't be build.
So that means Tayla saved her own father by doing so. So alvin also becommed a celebi to save the future so he could also save the past that would save the future. paradoxses are great arn't they?
If you lost it by now, ingnore it it is really confusing. This is a great story.
| ShadowVee chapter 17 . 12/12/2011
Seeing the word complete on your story brings a mix of emotions. It's good that you've managed to complete this story, where others fail so commonly. Not only that, but this isn't even your first completed story. So to finish up a whole series of stories go far beyond than what most other even consider. Though I would very much prefer that this isn't the end of this story, at least as far as your involvement goes, it is completely acceptable to have it finished like this.
I'm not completely sure as to what your situation is, but whatever you're going through, be it some new journey or something else, do find yourself some good luck. Your presence will be missed, for how ever long. If you do continue writing fiction, I would be thrilled to know of it.
As for this chapter, it was quite amusing. Especially the last part. I found it quite interesting how Alvin made a home in the past and everything. As for Also being alive and very well, that is also quite surprising. I didn't for-see that as much of a possibility at all. The line she states about her demise was well executed.
I would say more here, but the internet today has been quite unfavorable to me today. I have much to say, and little to time to say it. And still more questions to ask about various small details of your story. I mentioned before that I might review your story as a whole. I've been reading through all your stories, and i've been making notes of my various thoughts about them. If things go well, I'll try and consolidate them into one wall of text for your consumption and see to it that you find it. Though it may be a while still, you did write a lot of interesting material, which is something I tend to consume at a slower pace.
| Kirby Oak chapter 16 . 12/11/2011
Story Review: Persona non Grata
Warning to anyone reading this. I help edit this story, so I’ve already read the epilogue. As such this review of the story as a whole may contain spoilers of it.
Well, first of all, let’s take a /few/ moments to talk about the latest chapters. Nice time travel fake out, though it wasn’t too unexpected that he’d go back in time even if he didn’t end up a celebi. I almost would’ve been more interesting to see him as a baby giratina, but then of course it wouldn’t quite fit the theme of your story. Or, I guess it might fit one of your themes, but I definitely think it was better to end the story on a pokemon note, rather than a Lovecraftian one.
As for the story as a whole, well that’s of course more difficult. I really don’t know if I can go through and draw specific details I liked or disliked, so let’s just go with specific people. (In... some order.)
Alvin: While possibly not the character with the most focus, he was certainly central to the plot. He bridged the gap from the last story to the present of this one through his time jumping. He’s the one who saved Logan, the one who changed Izzy, the one who got the lens, the one who went back in time to save the ships, and pretty much the one who gave the Eldest his prophetic wisdom for the entire FD-verse. Like I said, though, he often didn’t seem the focus. Maybe that’s just how I remember the story, since he was clearly the focus in this last chapter. Well, until he delivers the Arceus gem. Still, trying to guess what Alvin was was neat, though him being nothing at all for awhile there still felt a bit too much outside of pokemon. It worked, though, so it’s probably alright.
Izzy: Can’t mention Alvin without going to Izzy, right? She was definitely a fun character, though felt very much the sidekick to Alvin after he rescued her from the jet-ship they stole from her father. Not really a bad thing. And she definitely became pretty cool again toward the end, even if it was to attack Alvin. But yeah, her story was definitely more the beginning half of the Outcast. It was a really good story, though. Having to deal with her changes worked really well, because we’ve never really had a slow change before in the FD-verse. The closest would be Erica, and her experiences as part pokemon weren’t really talked about much.
Giratina: Next on my somewhat randomly ordered list. He was always there to reluctantly help Alivn. Gotta wonder if he knew what was going to happen exactly. I’m trying to figure out why he’d be missing a leg even though everything got fixed (though I noticed you cleverly don’t show him as human after everything gets fixed). I had a theory, but I sorta forgot what it was. It basically went along the lines that it wasn’t the creation of the Exarchs and the Void that hurt him, but what happened in this story. Can’t remember if it was the mew machine being reactivated or celebi happening, though. Overall, though, Giratina and the reverse world were a very unique interpretation that fits the world quite well, even if it’s not based in the same science as MM.
Adam: Ah, Adam. Poor poor Adam. Everything he went through and in the end it cost him his life to save the world. You never did explain how he and Sam were able to keep their intelligence as pokemon, and it was a little disappointing that they couldn’t go through the usual TF troubles like Alvin did. I know that wasn’t the point of the story, but even if you had focused on them a little more, it would’ve added a bit more fun I think. Because there is a lot of not fun in this story. Anyways, Adam’s part in all this is really sad if you think about it, but it works for this story of course.
Sam: Not much I can say about Sam I didn’t already with Adam. It’s hard to say if she should be pitied, thinking so much like Adam but never really being able to be him. At least she doesn’t have to face the oblivion of being recombined with him if that’s what would’ve happened. Must be hard, though. Losing someone that close to her... Kinda wanna see more of her adventures as a trainer, though. She maybe should’ve met up with that one girl they saved from the infection, though. That would’ve been neat.
Logan: She’s come a long way from Unlikely Ascension, that’s for sure. From being completely dependant on the Eldest and looking up at him for everything, to outright rejecting his idea. She always did like humans, though, even if she didn’t always see them as interesting. But yes, definitely a much more mature Logan than we’ve ever seen. I suppose being a mother does that to you. Especially a mother who’s lost newborns and has a sick baby. Good to see she’s really the mew’s connection with humanity, though. Sure, all the mew are helping out by the end, but she’s the one that really goes out of her way to find things, no matter the cost. Obviously one of your stronger characters. Even if the story wasn’t really supposed to be about her, it definitely works because of how good a character she is. Also, she’s Jamie’s mum.
Jamie: Speak of the devil. Well, she’s got the devil inside of her anyways. Which, I might just be gushing because it’s my character, but I love how you managed to work in the idea of her being “premature” as a central part of the story. The void having found it’s way inside her and such because she was too weak. Overall, she was pretty adorable, though. Wish I could’ve seen more of her as a minccino, but same as Sam and Adam, I know that wasn’t really the focus of your story. Nice to know she didn’t completely give up. I can see how much of a struggle it would’ve been, though. Always running away to avoid it because she wasn’t brave enough to fight, and eventually just wanting to give in so she didn’t have to face it anymore. Would’ve been interesting seeing her as the Exarchs’ pet like the Eldest suggested, though.
Erica: Was not expecting Erica to turn out to be a bad guy. It all makes sense that she is, being exposed to the whole universe through the Arceus Gem and all, but still. I guess it’s partially because she isn’t actually seen much, though. Only that meeting, and then later. I’m glad you managed to bring her back for the epilogue, though. Worked really well.
Miya: What can we say about Miya? She does keep Jamie in check most of the time, if forcefully. I’m not sure if she really changes much over the course of the story, except for some of the stuff with Mewtwo. Those scenes are pretty good. Mostly it seems Miya’s the one going around showing what everyone else of consequence is doing. And then getting Cresselia to save Jamie.
Also: The other not-me cameo. I’ve already commented on how I liked Also’s dialogue for sounding very different and old. She’s got all sorts of resources, too. Which... now that I think about it, I guess Logan only needed because she was on the run? Because I’m sure the combined Earth would have something that could find Pokelantis if she wanted to use it. Still, Also’s far from an incidental cameo, but she works pretty well. Interesting she’d be working with that Latios, though.
Terah: Oh boy, the Eldest. Now that’s a complicated character. I guess it all makes sense with Alvin, because I just realized he’s always had this sort of melancholy about him about the inevitability of everything. I mean, there’s the obvious, where he always had this knowledge about what was to come, but the idea that he knows it inevitable is much more subtle. In fact, I may only be imagining it, but it definitely seems like his dissatisfaction for how long he’s lived is know that he has to live longer for everything to turn out. A very dynamic character who gained much more personality in the Outcast than the other stories, possibly just because he was in it more, but still. A very deep character for obvious reasons.
Bit: The original cameo, yay! (Shifty eyes) Anyways, Bit was in this a lot more than I thought she would be. Not much at first, of course, except for the meeting, but then she does all sorts of neat things toward the end. Helping with the Arceus gem, becoming a lugia randomly, flying pokelantis, building the mew machine. Okay, so except for that lugia part, it’s all technical stuff which makes sense. It’d probably be more weird if Bit hadn’t shown up, since she’s supposed to be Logan’s friend and everything. Also, she’s the Eldest, which is crazy. Pronouns will be confused from now until ever.
Averett: Because, why not talk about Izzy’s father. He wasn’t too major a character, but he helped establish what happened to Alvin’s stuff after he disappeared. Which I’m sure is important to Alvin’s character, really helped drive home just how much he had missed, and how his work had been twisted for evil and all that such. Also, I guess showed what sort of environment Izzy grew up in and how it affected her brother? Well, he was a good mid-boss for Alvin at any rate.
Rachel: Another ever so important character. Good old stingy-thighs, your nickname is probably your main worth to us. Rest in peace. Also, I guess you were the main opponent to humanity during the meeting, which I suppose makes the other mew look better.
Edward: Poor gullible prejudiced Edward. You are the bad guy, I’m sorry to tell you. The void’s pretty bad, but that’s just their nature. You chose to be evil, so yeah. Sure, you were misled and decided to have a change of heart, but you still didn’t help much in the end. I mean, you sort of distracted the Exarchs, but you probably would’ve been better off helping Alvin. I’d say helping Erica, but we know where she ended up allying.
Well, that's all the ones I can fit into this review. I'll have more fo the epilogue, though. All sorts of characters still left to talk about. Or you could tell me you hate this way of reviewing and I could try something else. Guess we'll see what happens.
-Kirby D. Oak
PS: Lumine and Glowworm are the first two for next time.
| DarkPokemonLover chapter 16 . 12/10/2011
Final chapter, here at last. I'm so stressed out right now. I can't wait to see what you got in store for us. The last chapter of a work you will write. I... think that before I read that last chapter, that I have a few words to say. The emotions are too strong. I'm sorry I've antagonized you for years. I've been jealous of you, jealous of how much better you are compared to me. That mistake caused many problems, some more important than others. It taught me one lesson. Life is too precious for such pointless things as jealousy to come between people. If I could go back, I would fix all these friendships I ruined. Justin, Jeremy, Tristan... but I can't, that's the harsh reality of life. Ironically, the circle has closed itself and it's just like 5 years ago, I only have you. I will miss you, but I will remember this important lesson. I ruined that community we made, but I will do my best to see that it survives without you. If I'm unable to fulfill that promise, I'm sure I will do better next time. Thanks you, FD. Thanks you so much.
Now time for me to read the final chapter of the Outcast. I won't review it for its content. Expect just one big block of text once I'm done reading.
I know I said I wouldn't say anything, but I can't help but comment a bit here. Remember in my first of my four review, I said that Cresseslia should come? How deliciously ironic that Miya, my character in this story, just did that, bringing her in to same Jamie. It's a strange feeling, a mix of feeling like I predicted something and some strange satisfaction. I'm not sure... but it feels nice. Back to reading.
And... it's done. I'm sure the epilogue will close some loose ends, but it's done. This chapter was... mind bending, to say the least. I'm sure I got all the pieces, but like you said to one reviewer, may if I go through the whole story again someday and reread it, all the hints will come to me, like with Homestruck. I expected this chapter to go wrong in many ways, with so many characters involved in this story, but it somehow didn't. Everyone was given a role, even minor characters like Bit and Miya shined and looked super important in the resolution of the tale. You did something great with this finale and this story as a whole. You managed to integrate the additions of the FREAKS into your story, making it blend perfectly and giving all of them a purpose. No character felt as if, if they had been absent from the story, things would have ended up the same. That's a great achievement, something I'm sure will help you a lot if you ever write a real book someday.
As to the plot itself, I may not understand the finer details and the one possible loophole (The fact that Alvin altering time somehow didn't cause a Grandfather paradox is the one great mystery), I love just how everything came together. The story's initial major flaw, its lack of constancy with time, had been turned into its greatest strength in the finale. From a broken mess emerged a complex and precise timeline of event, everything orchestrated magnificently to produce an entailing story that not only make a lot of sense, but kept us on the edge of our seat constantly. When I first saw Celebi in the last chapter, I felt as if the story was ruined, that you had resorted to a deus-ex machina by involving the one pokemon you said was impossible... but no, you avoided the trap and even used it to fill all the holes you could have left.
I have no words that could describe how honoured I've been to have been able to follow you through this trip and helped you whenever I could, although maybe not as directly as other people. I promise you, if you ever publish a book, I will one of the firsts to buy it. (Oh, the irony of this statement)
Since this is your last story, your last hourra in the world of fanfiction, before you fly out there for the real world, I want to add that it has been a pleasure to be there. It has been tough at times, I didn't always felt like reviewing, but I held true to that tradition. This was my second hardest review to write, beaten only by my first one ever. The review that forced me to come out of my shell 5 years ago, the review may have saved a story I loved, the review that introduced me to the English speaking world and wonderful friends. It was, ironically, probably my shortest review ever. And this one sure isn't my longest. But it comes from the heart and is honest, sure length doesn't always matter, does it now? You sure do not think so.
And... I'm nearing the end now. I have nothing else to add. I wish you the best of luck on your mission, I hope you find the enlightenment you seek, I hope we can regroup later and do something awesome together. It's not a farewell, it's a see ya later, bro.
| DarkPokemonLover chapter 15 . 12/10/2011
I'm halfway there, and still three hours to do it. I'm alright so far. Now /this/ chapter should peek up my interest a bit more. I will read it more carefully. Cool use of French, by the way.
This reactor looks cool. I wish I had one like it. It would solve a lot of computational problems. . Also, "Farawayisland". In one word. Good thing Miya had never been told the name, or else she would still be making fun out of it up to this day. It's that silly.
Well, things are looking really bad. Getting that thing to Mt Moon seems almost impossible and Bit is lying about being able to save the universe. I'm almost scared to see what Logan's insane plan is. It should be interesting. Darn, why did it have to stop now and skip to useless Jamie? Waaah.
Jamie is doing stuff. Being negative and boring again. And just as interesting stuff may have happened with her, possibly being cured, the section ends. -.- This story is evil when it comes to cliffhangers. This story is burning your patience down! With the cliffhangers!
Another Edward section. Stuff is happening. It's really interesting, but I'm trying so hard to focus on the story now with my uncle playing music very loudly in the basement that I can't continue to review properly. I'm just going to keep my energy for the last review. Sorry. Time to just opinions.
I think Edward is too stubborn for his own good. He may doom us all. I like Jane.
Go legendaries! Unite! Save the Earth from Them. Go!
...Aww... they're about to lose! Nuuuu! :(
One chapter left to go. Sorry about the lack of reviewness in this one. I just... can't wait to see the ending. 10/10 for this chapter. I dunno if my numbers mean anything anymore.
PS: Just like those PS's, but I may as well keep the tradition going one last chapter, uh?
| DarkPokemonLover chapter 14 . 12/10/2011
One down, three to go. I will be short in my comment here, just wanna note that in the scrolling menu, the chapter is called "Rewards of Serivce", instead of "Rewards of Service" Ya may want to fix that, it looks really silly.
I liked the story here. Poor advenced mew and humans, they really got screwed. And it got me thinking, what if something like that really happened in our world? There are myths, and the pyramids, and millions of years we don't really know anything about. It would be an interesting hypothesis to think that we aren't the first advanced humans on Earth, and probably not the last. Our civilization could totally crumble again, and start over. Not like almost all traces of us wouldn't vanish after a few dozens of millenniums. An interesting debate.
Oh, and stuff happened with Logan and Also. Faster, story! Get to the good stuff!
See, Edward is already being awesome. He doesn't need no voidship and magical knowledge, he got the secret Altar! He's like the Chuck Norris of the pokemon world. Except he's evil. And had a strange taste in clothing. He also has the power of controlling ships. And Jane, the pretty woman he 'hired' (cough cough). I bet there's a perverted story behind that one. Or just an evil one. Our favorite gentleman elf even thinks he's going to control the world! What do you mean, it's not awesome? :P
Oh, looks like this section is over already. Well, I guess we will see later how this little assembly of ship will (not) succeed.
The Depressed Jamie Show! The Dawn of the End of the world. You should have called it the Dawn of the Third Day. I totally would have. .
Huh... this section was short. Too short. It felt kind of out of place. It should have been merged with a later section with Jamie. Oh well. Back to Logan, I see!
Logan! And now she's finally doing something fun. Coding and puzzles! I think Logan is totally denying her geekyness. Should have brought Bit with her, instead of making her go Lugia for no good reason. She would have helped there. Bad Logan!
I think Jamie's depression virus is spreading to Logan too. Come on, you're the main character of a novel, you're going to win in the end, don't stress out like that. It makes for good, if not slightly predictable drama, though. I blame TVTropes. It kind of dulled my enjoyment of stuff like that. It does ruin your life.
A mew at the sea! Someone save her! Oh noes, she called for Bit, and a Lugia arrived! It's gonna eat her! Nuuuu! ...it's BIT? Wow, what a coincidence. (Roll eyes) Yeah, totally can't wait to reach newer stuff, so I can actually be surprised. I kind of found it weird that Bit was exactly there, though. That would mean she had followed Logan under the sea all that time and it wouldn't exactly be the best way to hide either of them. Unless she was all sheltered from the psychic network, but then she would have had no way of sensing Logan miles above. Questions, Questeon. The puzzle evolution of eevee.
Alvin? Oh God, I remember now that he is in this story. Sorry Alvin, I didn't mean to forget ya. :(
The Fisher King is as funny as ever, with his non-linear time. I still don't get him, hopefully I will by the end of this story. This story is starting to sound like the one in Skyrim, though. Let me guess, they will banish the Exchach, but only temporarily, or send them to another timespace, making it so they still exist in some point of the Universe, making it so the reverse world is never truly fixed. Yay, speculation!
On an unrelated note, Alvin is the greatest evil in the world... after Edward. ! HE KILLED MIYA'S FRIEND! *sad*
Edward is failing. Time for the final battle... next chapter. That's where I kind of will have new stuff to read about, too! Yay! Should be fun.
Interesting chapter. I liked the Edward moments and the characters shown were more varied and had a bit of everyone. Except Miya, Sabrina, Mewtwo and David. The forgotten mew. Sad sad. So I'm giving it 9/10.
PS: I wonder what a voidspawn Emolga would look like.
| DarkPokemonLover chapter 13 . 12/10/2011
Looks like I have a big total of 4 reviews to write today. I'm going to be honest here, I will probably be very short on the first three reviews. Partly because I mostly listened to them in the proofreading VC, partly because I want to keep more of the best stuff for the last chapter. So, without any further talking, let's begin!
Altomare, yay! Too bad it's all about Also now and nothing about, ya know, Latias and Latios. Big missed opportunity there to have more legendaries. Oh well, I liked Also. Not as a character, cuz, she's obviously mean and kind of condescending, but as far as the story itself is concerned, it's nice to have someone who isn't totally willing to help Logan for once.
I liked all the talk about Jamie too. Poor Also's people. It sucks to be them. I'm almost surprised that Logan didn't go all "OMG, JAMIE'S GONNA BE EVIL!" at the revelation of what happened to people who suffered the same fate as what Jamie was going through. She felt unnaturally cold and unmotherly. I would have wished for more expressivity out of her.
Speaking of Jamie, looks like it's Jamie time! Aka as 'depressed mew'. Very much like her creator, so fitting. Our me... oh, wait now she's a Mincinco. Which I just may have misspelled. Anyway, our gray hero is being saved by David, yay! I feel like David could have done more, though. Later down the chapter, Jamie comments on how much more powerful David is, yet all she does is transforming Jamie and kicking her out. Kind of cheap considering everything she could actually do that would have been much more helpful. I think that's all I had to say. Oh, and I enjoyed the vore references. :P
Another Logan section. Yawn. Logan may be interesting, but deep sea adventure in a super safe ship isn't all that fun. I also blame the fact I know what's going to happen. So... yeah... next.
Miya! Woo! I missed her. This story needs more mew, with Jamie being a gray electric-less pikachu. Darkrai is kind of awesome, considering who he is. I mean, the guy's has been sucked into the Void, but yet he isn't controlled by it. That's something cool. Which kinds of make me wish Cresslia (sp) was in the story. She's supposed to be all anti darkness of something, could have been a great opportunity for more FD lore about legendaries, and most appropriate in the situation. And... I think that's all. Oh, and Miya did stuff, but that's not important. Yes, I'm totally contradicting myself here. DPL at his best. Miya learned from the master.
Jamie, our favorite anti hero! I think Mewtwo as a mewain character would have been cooler in that role, but that's just me and my mewtwo obsession. Some elements in this section kind of the fact that they threw all the pokemon in that reserve, even those with implants. Aren't they former humans? And don't they know predator kill? Isn't it like murder to send them there? I think human's morality needs a check, because it's a tad unbalanced at the moment. I blame Prefect Edward, the Gentleman elf. The magnificent bastard.
I told you it would be short. Although it's kind of long too. (Shrug) I liked this chapter overall, but it felt too slow. It's another of these chapters, I guess. There's also the fact that I know the next chapter is cooler. Lots of important people doing important things. It's the cresendo! So... I'm giving this chapter 8/10
PS: ...er... this story needs more mew. Meeeeew!
| zerones chapter 16 . 12/8/2011
Super story. The start was a bit hard to understand, but the end was less hard to understand. You should keep writing as you are good at doing it. Love how you have done some reserch on what you write.
ps: Did you know that to make a tiny spoon of antimatter USA would be bank robbed?
pss: stargate owns.