Reviews for Harry's Game
i-see-what-you-did-there chapter 23 . 4/13/2012
no really, i do

It's there, ehm... wait, here, right here, almost at the end, you see it?

Oh, yes, it's clear that you see it, you've written it.

It's a good story. Write more like this one.

Black Logician chapter 19 . 2/27/2012
H. Potter:

Hi H.

It's a delight to read your response.

Yes, you are right. In fact, to write this story I had vaguely plotted a few scenes further ahead than the extent of their depiction here. In next meeting with Wood, Potter would have described to him the other options that were open to him during the seemingly helpless situation.

The 'hoop' thing that you mention would have been definitely there. In fact, it becomes easier to score that way. One can put three hoops on top of each other and make a quaffle bounce up and down in that three storied hoop complex, thus scoring three goals in one single bounce. (many other possible variations of this can be used.)

Of course this strategy is not fool proof either; there will be a counter strategy and a counter-counter strategy to that and so on. That's the fun part about strategy battles, I guess. In the end, the victory doesn't comment on capability of either of the captains. It does comment upon their preparation levels though.

Anyway, you are right, glad that you saw that rather hidden option. Thanks again for your review. :)
Mavarax chapter 19 . 2/24/2012
Wouldn't the rules say that the Quaffle must go through the hoop, not a hoop connected to a post? Because if so then the senior chasers could pick up a hoop and use that to just repeatedly puh the Quaffle through.
ehsanul chapter 23 . 2/20/2012
Great story, and quite befitting of HPMoR. However, a lot of parts are awkwardly worded, there are some grammatical/spelling mistake (particularly grating is your use of "loose" instead of "lose"), and a few things make less sense than they should. But overall, quite well-done, just needs the polish.
ironic-hat chapter 23 . 2/18/2012
So in the end Harry isn't Ender, he's Peter.
TheallknowingandUnseen chapter 20 . 2/11/2012
Just two things I wanted to say. One is about Dobby's disobedience. I thought there reason he was able to avoid a direct order would be because to follow it would harm a human life. Though this story is great and I loved the strategies you had the first year teams use, I felt the story fell a bit short in the regard to Dobby's disobedience. He avoided and order because he couldn't hear it. Maybe I read this too quickly and missed something.

And two, the riddle "Why do we play games?"

Uh, to have fun? I thought this was going to be a setup for Harry to realize how cold/hard/whatever he had become (though thinking about it that is a bit typical). He was unable to answer the riddle because he was so absorbed in his own plots that he couldn't see why people played games. I wasn't disappointed in the answer you came up with. You had another point to make and it was carried out well. So props to you.

Overall, this was a very enjoyable read, and thank you for writing it. These are just two thoughts that occurred to me. Love the the tip of the hat you gave Less Wrong at the end. Great work!
TheallknowingandUnseen chapter 23 . 2/11/2012
Well done! Loved it!
TheallknowingandUnseen chapter 6 . 2/11/2012
Had a few giggle fits reading this
TheallknowingandUnseen chapter 2 . 2/11/2012
Amusing. Love the quips!
lowelj chapter 23 . 1/26/2012
it was really awesome.. Your story fits so well into the "original" fanfiction.. Also it gives a new idea about how Narcissa might have died, a hause elf ordered by a death-eater.. Thanks a lot for the joy, it was a good motivation while waiting for HP Methods of Rationality to resume.. Keep it going, with new stories!
Tori chapter 1 . 1/18/2012
Gotta love the "white hair" thing *heh heh*
evileeyore chapter 3 . 10/21/2011
"And Hufflepuff and Gryffindors can cheer up as well since today is the only game day of the season when their team won't loose."

Brilliant. An excellent chapter, you;ve captured the characters wit perfectly.
skooly chapter 2 . 9/11/2011
Yea, I stopped reading at facebook. It had such a promising start too.
Fresh C chapter 23 . 9/1/2011
First of all, let me just say that the ideas presented in this story are very good. A lot of the concepts used and deconstructions (particularly the deconstruction of Quidditch) were quite clever. The characterization was a little more cheeky than the source material in parts, but nothing out of line.

I could see this story being pretty much on par with the Methods of Rationality, if not for the sometimes awful grammar mistakes and poor presentation choices. One of the most annoying things about this story was the way that dialogue was divided between multiple paragraphs without using quotation marks. Usually a story follows the format:

"This is the first paragraph. blah blah ect."

"This is the second paragraph. Blah blah ect.

This format is followed even when the speaker is the same person, so that the reader can easily tell that someone IS still speaking dialogue. When you start a new paragraph without carrying over the quotation marks, it can be confusing.

Also, there were many instances where you switched between first and third person in the middle of paragraphs. This damages the flow of the story and (imho) is jarring enough to ruin a reader's sense of immersion in the story.

I think you could benefit a lot from a good beta reader, and if you plan to write more in the future I would volunteer to do that job for you, as you clearly have some talent. All grammar issues aside, you have a knack for story telling which you should be proud of.

Good luck writing in the future, and if you ever need a beta reader, let me know.

PS - In case I wasn't clear, I did enjoy this story quite a bit.
Alsadius chapter 23 . 9/1/2011
Quality story, and a worthy metafanfic. You'd do well to get someone with a better eye for spelling and grammar to go through and clean it up, but other than that, I enjoyed it.
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