|Reviews for A Vow Once Given|
| Blaizekit chapter 1 . 10/30/2013
This is chilling perfection.
| Paritheikae chapter 1 . 8/29/2013
Fucking fantastic (excuse my French). This… we need more of this on the archive. This was such a refreshing, raw, realistic read, and it was just so satisfying on this subject the manga and anime glazed over. I actually don’t mind Arakawa leaving the tattoo scenario vague, but either way you really did write this in-depth to high standards. I’m a huge Roy/Riza fan, and I really think this one-shot did a great job at deepening their relationship, how it began and how it developed. You really got me with the emotions, too; I was squirming in my seat from the discomfort of Riza getting burned, I felt Roy’s guilt, I felt both of the characters terror and sorrow. And then at the end, the note of hope. Ah, I just love it! Quality Fanfiction work, thank-you for the read.
| firecloak chapter 1 . 7/14/2013
That was wonderful and very in character!
| sapphireswimming chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
I think this was a really good take on this event. I like where you went with it. I think it was good. And the note you ended on was perfect.
| Ginger Blackmore chapter 1 . 9/5/2012
Wow. This was really powerful.
I just. There are no words.
| Flower in the River chapter 1 . 4/4/2012
This is stunning.
The way you portray Riza's emotions and Roy's emotions with such skill is just...wow. Really wow. Please never stop writing.
| Kina Kalamari chapter 1 . 3/28/2012
This was brilliant. Utterly fantastic.
It fit the canon excellently, as far as character portrayal went, and your prose was wonderfully intense.
Great job, really. Looks like your going to be my second favorite in this fandom as well as the first. ]
| Shinichi's Lover chapter 1 . 3/13/2012
ahh... awesome :)
If this were what happened in the real manga, that would be great. I just love their relationship. and you write it very well. sorry for the bad english it's 4am here lol..
thanks for writing your own idea. this is the first fic I've read about Roy burning her tattoo but it's really up to my expectation. nope, it even exceeds )
| OwlCookies XD chapter 1 . 11/24/2011
arrggg i felt her pain :'( so sad..
| ThatGirl35 chapter 1 . 7/8/2011
I must say, this is by far my favorite telling of the burns! The emotions, the secrecy needed and the way it ended.. Very well done. Again, the best I've read! Thank you for giving it a clarity and a voice.
| FMA-Critique chapter 1 . 6/21/2011
The beginning was well executed. The first paragraph did a really nice job of setting the first tone and overall mood of the story, and made me want to read more. I like how you don’t mention that the vow he gave was burning her back. It’s as if you open this story on a note from Roy’s perspective in a clear point of his life with thoughts that he could have very well been thinking. You picked a good spot to start the whole situation of burning her back. It would have been less effective if say you started with Roy already in her house about to burn it then and there. It felt realistic and made me want to know how the rest of the story will unfold.
The ending as well wrapped the story up nicely; it tied everything together in a clear way that made me feel like the story had a clean finish. I also liked how the mood of the story was dark, but the last sentence left everything on a lighter note. It also had a sense of realism. That even though Roy and Riza went through this dark time together, we all know that they end up working together side by side, so somehow the story needed to end on a more positive note where she would have wanted to follow him, even if he did burn her back. You did a good job showing her new found devotion to him. The last sentence was also unexpected, which made it surprisingly pleasant to read. The end of the story left a good feeling inside of me.
The genre fit perfectly. I could feel the angst they both were feeling, and you did a good job showing that with the emotions you had them feel and all of the thoughts and flashbacks Roy had. Again, the fact that this shows perspective from Roy really adds to the overall effect of the story. I feel like I’m inside his head and can feel the things he feels. And the feelings both Roy and Riza feel are very believable and well written. The hurt and comfort was well done too. I liked how Roy in the end helped get Riza through this tough time, because he knew she needed it and everything, even though he himself wasn’t even that strong. I could feel Roy’s sincerity in everything he did for Riza, and it all sounded like things he would really do and say and feel about her. It was a deep story in how you wrote in these genres.
You did a really nice job with getting your facts write about burns and scarring and the pain and everything. I’ve read stories where Riza gets her back burned and she doesn’t even make a sound. You did a good job showing the real pain and consequence of having your back burned, and I like that you had her take off her pants. At first I thought it was an odd statement, but after Roy explained it, I actually came to like it and had never even considered that her pants could catch on fire, as silly as that may sound. The fact that you considered all of this and all the pain and the treatment afterwards (like how Roy needed to stay with her because she couldn’t reach her back herself to treat it) shows a lot of realism which makes the whole scene more believable and more enjoyable to read. This was a nice change from other authors who have written this scene because of how well you got your facts straight on the matter.
I’ve seen references and flashbacks to the scene where Roy burnt Riza’s back, but never a whole oneshot completely dedicated to that whole scene alone before. That’s one reason that drew me into this story in the first place. I love when fans take scenes that are talked about in the manga but never shown and write about how they think those scenes could have possibly happened. It’s always interesting to see other people’s takes on how they believe things to happen, and it can be very original to do so. And the fact that you chose this particular scene, and wrote about it in a way I’ve never seen anybody write about it before, made me consider the whole scene over again and learn and consider things I’ve never considered before.
The plot was really well done. It was interesting and always enjoyable to read. The unexpected ending also added more to the overall story. It was a simple plot, but simple is often the best way to go.
The story was extremely well written. I didn’t catch any typos, and the sentence structure was all really good.
You managed to keep Roy and Riza really in character, especially Roy. All of the thoughts in his head sounded like things he would really think about, as well as all the feelings and things he said. The only slight problem I had was Riza considering suicide. The way you wrote it made it sound like it perfectly fit in your story, but Riza seemed to end on a stronger note when she asked Roy to burn her back. Especially since she knew from the start Roy was only burning a part of it.
The story did a very good job to keep flowing in a clear way. Even with all the flashback and the scattered thoughts and everything you did a very good job to execute all of that in an overall flow of the story that the reader could follow. You didn’t keep a boring pace and it was always interesting to read.
Keeping true to the manga/anime
Because this is a “what if”, I can’t say that how you wrote this was the correct way this scene happened. But based on all the Ishval stuff you included and everything else you put into the story, it sounds very believable and true to how it very well could have happened. Again, the only problem is the suicide thing on Riza’s part. I’m mentioning that again here because in the manga Roy tells Riza he’ll only burn a portion of her back, and Riza didn’t protest. Also, Roy says he’s gained control over using flame alchemy. But other than that it was all well done.
I liked how you used a quote from the manga. The summary was short and sweet and told me exactly what the story was about in a way that made me want to read it.
The title connected to the story and was an interesting title for the whole situation. I liked how you mentioned the vow in the first sentence because it was in your title, so it all seemed to connect nicely. Not only that, but the title is interesting.
Overall, this was an excellent fanfiction. The idea was original, the execution brilliant, and well written. You kept them in character and the whole thing was very believable.
Final Score: 96/98
This fanfiction gets an A.
(for explanations and descriptions for these categories and scores, you can visit our profile page)
| dandoune chapter 1 . 4/26/2011
That was a great story... I agree with you, usually this part of the manga is not well written and/or told, but I have to say yours was the best one !
| Phoradendron chapter 1 . 4/25/2011
This perfectly describes Roy and Riza's relationship and perfectly describes how Riza could have gotten her scar in the first place. I love your stories! 3
| BlackBrightField2007 chapter 1 . 4/9/2011
I think this is one of the best stories about Riza's scar. Nice work!
| Monster chapter 1 . 4/5/2011
Amazing fic. Truly amazing.