Reviews for The Babylon Effect
Guest chapter 13 . 7/12
Do more do more please
xThomas2 chapter 13 . 5/1
I'm torn. I mean, I want to say, yay kick minbari ass! But here I am going to scold you. I don't want to cheer for the terrains. Why don't I want to cheer for them? its because of the odds. They're never totally against them. It's boring to read such.
xThomas2 chapter 10 . 5/1
I don't remember minbari genes being unstable. I'd read somewhere that they actually have good biotech and augmented their soldiers to be strong and, well, awesome. I think they'd notice something like that, and besides, I don't think every minbri is mixed with valens line anyway
xThomas2 chapter 9 . 5/1
Earth side is WAY overpowered. I can justify a lot, including the advantages of mass effect FTL, AND the mass driver range thing (theoretical advantage, honestly nobody really knows if space combat would even work) but I can't justify better shields and terrains not taking huge losses. There's no real sense of EMERGENCY like in the original war.

Also, Mass Effect HAS downsides. It's difficult to scale up properly, and it's dependent on a rare resource. I will grant there's probably a lot more eezo to go around here just because earth is the only guys using it in their region, and hyperspace means you don't technically need eezo to get eezo.. Or do you? Hyperspace being as crazy as it is, does eezo have problems there? You imply they don't react well in this chapter.

Basically, mass effect does give big advantages, and I think you've shown them well, but you you don't show the big downsides - eezo is rare. expensive. Difficult to scale up - dreadnaughts are small and in too few numbers (I think, not sure, double check) by Babylon5 standards.
BullSheet chapter 13 . 5/1
A very good read. Enjoyed it immensely. Hope to see this story finished.
scorpioneldar chapter 1 . 3/4
oh my your gearing up to set this story during the mimbari war aren't you
very intersting the timeline read almost like a codex entry or at least a series of related ones
you did a good job of merging the timelines i shall look forward to more
babultower chapter 3 . 12/9/2014
Just started reading the story, and I am really pleased to know I have 10 more chapters to read!
Excellent. Loving this merge.
Ivan Stradaltsev chapter 1 . 10/25/2014
Just another dead ME AU... It's a pity!
nobodez chapter 13 . 10/7/2014
Ack, such a place to cliffhanger. I hope you get the muse for this story again, if only to show how the Asari delegation with Benezia gets received.
gaul1 chapter 13 . 8/23/2014
great story so far, keep up the good work, byes
Ganheim chapter 4 . 8/19/2014
Chapter 4
that an advanced force
[‘advance’ or ‘vanguard’ in this case]

you seem troubled,"
[You frequently end dialog questions with a comma instead of question mark. While this is fine sometimes, I think the bias should be towards using the ? instead of ,]

This is not war
[A massive battle fleet is not war? I question whether this councilman would be so self-blind as to say this]

this war was not going to be as easy
[I actually think this would only galvanize many warriors, who B5 implied were bored and looking for something to sharpen their swords on (so to speak) before the coming war of the shadows. They said more than once it left a bad taste in their mouths that they so easily butchered the humans they came across]

there friendship

There skin tones

I've never heard them described as barbarians before
[I’m pretty sure LOTS of people have called them barbarians]

from such a mindset when it is not tempered by wisdom
[That sort of mindset is not tempered by anything]

The Terrans will be destroyed
[All of them, or just enough for blood to have been spilled?]

did to us."
[If there was a place for an exclamation point, I’d think this would’ve been it]

she realised that the Asari was not being purposely judgemental
[I feel this is a “decision necessitated by the plot”. Is it correct? It should be, but you’re not giving a lot of back-and-forth, I’m seeing too little conciliatory dialog from the asari or attempts to reach the minbari rather than just using a different wording of ‘what if you’re wrong’]

were you matriarch

is it revenge.
[Interrogative missing its mark]

two great wrongs do not make a right
[But three lefts do]

had mad a major

wiping out a species
[I’m curious why the repeated references to genocide are made. Was it true in canon B5? Yes, but it’s clearly not here. The Minbari are talking big, but you’ve repeatedly portrayed everybody against the humans as incompetent. What makes them different than a little man waving a stick at a tank?]

Had something or someone been on them
[This would be a logical conclusion for the experienced matriarch to have thought of, but I think it’s a little too much of a stretch for humans that should still be looking in puzzlement at the Minbari]

Asari equivalent of raising an eyebrow
[Asari do raise their eyebrows, Liara did so more than once in ME1]

unchallenged and unanswered
[These are effectively the same, particularly in the context]

as the Turians had found out
[The Turians were never attacked by the Terrans (that was more a defensive counter)]

Chapter 5
underestimate there foe

lives of there
[their – this is a very easy thing to get right…and somewhat important, as using the wrong one can change the meaning of the sentence]

and we defeated
[Without commas this looks like a run-on sentence]

be at there
[their – this is a repeated problem that impedes readability but is easily fixed, though as frequent as it is I’ll stop mentioning it here]

of the pilots action
[pilot’s – or pilots’ actions]

the planets orbital

circumstances that have arisen between our species peacefully
[The circumstances are not peaceful, which is the problem]

done to prevent it as
[Run-on sentence]

almost to fast

from they're aggressive
[their. Sounding the same is not meaning the same]

very powerful particle
[Not according to your earlier chapter, which SHOWED that they were brushed off by the kinetic barriers of an equivalent-sized ship]

kinetic barriers like they weren't even there
[Well…energy weapons WOULD pass through kinetic barriers. They mention this in ME2 and 3]

Consequently he knew that
[Telling – and distant narrative at that. You’ve already shown us the destruction of a civilian ship, this sentence was unnecessary]

what was left of him or her
[Politically correct, but not something anybody in an angry state of mind would say]

anyone with decent point defence
[ME’s codex indicated slugs were extremely difficult to negate by any means other than dodging, which is why fighters were still deployed to deliver smaller ordinance at close range]
was away to
[a way]

What if multiple ships triangulated on the same signals and shared data
[Are they not already doing this? I thought Terrans were smart and networked]

Already on it…already working on it

Then lets give

at faster speeds than any other missile produced by any of the other Younger Races couldn't hope to match
[“at faster” or “at speeds…younger races couldn’t hope to match” would’ve worked, but not both together]

truly shattered forever
[I can tell you quite like humans, because even with a race that’s been building and refining these missiles for 1-1.5k years, they’re easily defeated by humans. This is why I can’t take any threats against humans seriously: the certain foreknowledge that humans will barely be challenged takes away the sense of drama and mystery]

Travelling at factions of light speed
[Which could be several full seconds at space engagement ranges and should still be at a disadvantage against the Minbari using lightspeed weapons…]

squashing as they did so transferring all their kinetic energy to their target
[Actually, squashing wastes a large amount of an object’s energy – deformation absorbs energy instead of transferring]

quickly of the Terrans

How can they hurt us like they have been
[Because the Plot Demands]

would have crashed right into
[Rarely are ships in such close physical proximity in air battles and moreso in space battles where you can have a “close” formation where each ship is over a kilometer separated]

to the relatively fragile structure
[If they’re building fragile ships, they never would’ve survived the last Shadow War]

armour absorbed and dissipated almost all the energy
[This is the first time you don’t explicitly portray a non-human item as noticeably inferior]

and the bodies of their crews
[I notice you also write ‘with horror’ when humans are killed, but with emotional detachment when non-humans (or non-human allies in this more ambiguous example) are killed. Shouldn’t both be either horrible or neither? Check out Peptuck’s Renegade for a ME crossover that effectively includes emotionally distant but still action-packed narrative]

armour shattered like brittle glass
[This tends to be how you describe Minbari, Turian, it seems like anybody fighting against Terrans]

Terran ship in such a situation tended to rapidly manoeuvre
[This shouldn’t be mentioned because it should be standard. When you’re being shot at, not being hit is the best option whether or not you’re wearing a flak jacket]

hitting back just as hard if not harder
[Don’t tell us this when you’re showing the opposite]

last ship and fighter
[Fighters are ships, just not capital-scale]

withdraw to hyperspace this
[. This]

The battles over

You had a VERY good start and an interesting idea, but I feel like you’ve given the humans the best of both worlds and everybody else the worst. This reduces the sense of threat and drama that you can portray because, like superman, they’re never really being threatened (instead more inconvenienced). We obviously have different interpretations on how some of the technology would operate (though there are a few that I think violate the conventions of both series, like plasma’s effectiveness despite the fact that it was the tool the Reapers used to annihilate citadel ships). The farther I read, the less interesting I feel the story is because I can confidently predict the humans will win (and usually win easily), and any social/moral conclusions being drawn apply to the canon universes and not to the different sequences of events in your hybrid universe. I was hoping to read enough to discover what your plans with the Reapers, Shadows, and Vorlons were, but with the certainty already in place I don’t feel like it would be worth it. I already know what the result is going to be and how most of the route taken there is going to go.
Ganheim chapter 1 . 8/19/2014
Human genome a team of
[I know that this is a lot of summary, but you’ve got a couple of technical flaws in this section (missing commas when you have idea transitions, spelling and other punctuation errors). Sometimes sentences that are awkwardly worded and might’ve been better rephrased into two sentences]

and the Vorlons knowing there base
[Vorlons, knowing their]

remain intact allowing
[intact, - another example of technical flaws which aren’t a big problem in themselves but can disrupt the readability of the chapter and aggregate into a sense of poorer writing than you might want]

having proof that they are not alone in the universe
[“There are two possibilities: either we are alone in the universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying” – Arthur C Clarke]

International Spaceport spreading a

arriving from Earth beginning

colonies firebrand leader

orbital attack the original

Relay are completed however

the relays activating codes
[relay’s activation]

in their space where they establish trading stations
[If ME FTL is so superior, why would they spend this money? I’d think hyperspace would be faster but ME FTL would be more flexible and quicker to jump into – several space battles in B5 have Earth Alliance ships destroyed by Shadows decloaking and destroying them as the hyperspace window is opened]

with a strong expression of the telepath gene
[Good way of establishing mutual exclusivity]

Quarians the Alliance begins
[Quarians, - these missing commas are a repeating problem, so I’m going to stop pointing them out at this note]

Alfred Bester is born or Earth as Stephen Kevin Dexter
[I do not know what this is supposed to say. Given that you later state his new name, why not simplify to “Stephen Kevin Dester is born on earth”?]

but is exempted from some of the stipulations set out in the Citadel Conventions
[This would’ve been an excellent place to explicitly mention the League of Non-Aligned Worlds. You forget to define them before they appear as participants later]

The Dilgar begin there campaign

multiple worlds
[‘planets’ would avoid repetition]

horrifies the rest of the galaxy
[But probably doesn’t get the citadel involved…]

reveal there own telepathic

skills minor as

Stephen Franklin…with specialisation on biotics and xenobiology
[Good universe-weaving detail]

Both enrol in

Chapter 2
After all the handful
[all, - these missing commas are a continuing problem and are noticed (if not pointed out) by your audience]

his consoles haptic

They maybe using
[may be]

some sort of electronic stealth
[Some people just call it EWar]

"No sir its just
[“its” is the possessive, “it’s” is the contraction “it is”]

We handled the Turians…a few stray Minbari ships
[I’m presuming this is why you decided not to have the assault like in ME? An alternative could’ve been discovering the Minbari while still gearing up/fighting the Turians, which would’ve left humanity unprepared but still likely overconfident, especially if they don’t really know anything about the Minbari – given the earlier contact with ME races, it’s likely they wouldn’t have gone to the Centauri for as much info]

That Same Time
[This is normally implied unless you state differently]

triluminary when I
[triluminary. – a transition from one idea to another should usually accompany a sentence change]

for quite sometime
[some time]

Come we should go
[This is another spot missing a comma that feels awkward without it – this is why you might want to be more cautious in your use of punctuation]

scrambled at attend
[scrambled to]

profound affect on
[effect – when the focus is on what is going to happen after, that’s the e-. When it’s something going to cause a change, that’s affect]

by the Vorlons counsel

Dukhat whirled towards the warrior in alarm
[I still thought Delenn, who’d been specifically studying them, should’ve been the one to pick up on this. The other Minbari should be hearing “standard operating procedures”. Dukhat could still be the one to put the two pieces together]

Stiffening again
[You’re repeating this a lot. What about other expressions, like widening of the eyes?]

good old mark one eyeball
[Technically they’d be unlikely to accurately target using manual eyeball-tracking, that’s only accurate within a couple kilometers, which is collision distance in space terms. More likely they’ve got image-tracking software – Peptuck mentions this explicitly in his ME/Tiberian Sun crossover Renegade]

intercept course they
[. They]

"There not getting

to read this mornings systems status report from the Gorgon
[This is a lot of information for a subordinate to put together, especially when the information would likely have been forwarded directly to the chief command and he wouldn’t very likely have had access]

he'd just closed
[We just read this. Give your audience’s memory and intelligence a *little* more credit, you don’t have to spoon-feed telling us everything]

"Faster than light in normal space? How in Valen's name is that possible
[You just described Minbari ships as having ME fields, which implies they should have at least an idea of ME FTL]

What led to these events
[I think a tighter POV focalization would help – at this moment, I don’t think Delenn is hearing Coplann, I think she’s only aware of her bleeding mentor’s body]

The rational part of her mind
[Checked out a minute or two ago, rage is here to take your calls]

to grief for Dukhat

Chapter 3
at they're height

the Krogan get
[The Krogan are quick to anger and quick to forgive (in most cases), the Minbari are slow to both]

they're pride had
[“They’re” “they are”, “their” possession of them]

says its urgent

main shipping lanes
[That only makes them doubly vulnerable, not any more safe]

patrolled by warships achieving surprise
[No idea what this means]

navigational systems were a lot more advanced
[Or could’ve been using Shadow Tech, which is specifically designed to be hard to notice when it’s not supposed to be seen. While many characters might not think of this, the Minbari would be rather uniquely educated to consider it]

kinetic barriers
[The Minbari weapons are almost entirely energy weapons, they should be seeing something more like 6% diffusion rather than 60%]

the ships armour and

even as it disintegrated two more of her frigates vanished from the display
[I understand the point, but the sentence is awkwardly worded. Remember that, particularly in action scenes, shorter sentences are better because they help draw the eye along faster]

being completely unable
[Their active stealth were one of the reasons the Minbari were so devastatingly effective. ME tech or no, I don’t think the humans would be so easily countering them, especially with the common adoption of kinetic ME weapons and tech which would be easily tracked by Minbari. The reason I bring this up is that your portrays clearly depict the humans as clearly being superior to everyone they’ve come up against – their being the underdog in canon ME and B5 made things more uncertain and dramatic whenever there was a confrontation because the victor was not clear-cut before the battle started. Yours are, which ruins a lot of the sense of “what’s going to happen”. Fan works and speculation is inconsistent on whether a Minbari frigate could take an Earth Alliance cruiser, but even with the unequal forces here every single encounter has been a sweeping victory for humans]

as this group were

There forward most
[Their forward-most]

their backs Darrel

no knowledge of biotics
[Unless the Vorlons told them about it – which actually is somewhat likely given the implications that the Vorlons seemed to favor the Minbari]

there bodies

unless there eardrums

The rest of you let's move
[Missing commas here makes a two-segment sentence look like a run-on. Another reason why it’s important]

and dissipated the bolt of plasma
[Plasma would be spread out, something like the early detonation of a rocket coming at an armored vehicle. It would reduce the lethality, but not negate the damage like portrayed]

some sort of symbol
[If you’re going to bring up a detail, you should give enough description for your audience to potentially visualize it. Is it cuneiform? Is it the hanzi for death? Is it a dancing unicorn? All of these are possible given the lack of supporting details]

her in armoured

improve their counterinsurgency tactics
[Insurgencies are used in populated regions, the tactics lacking here are melee and shipboard combat – including a lack of redundant control and FOF identification automatically locking out critical areas]

"Yes man reinforcements
[‘man’ might be a fragment from a changed sentence, I think things work without it]
Guest chapter 1 . 7/29/2014
Please continue this story! I greatly enjoyed this story and I would hate to see it die so soon.
Aarik Wrath chapter 12 . 7/12/2014
Reading this and knowing little about the technical details of the respective series, I still knew something was off.

So I looked up ship specs.

This fics battles make no sense. At all.

One, Kinetic Barriers have no effect on energy. NONE. The only reason they don't abandon the blockable kinetic weapons and replace them with vastly faster and kinetic barrier ignoring energy weapons is problems with heat dissipation they have not solved that cripple range. (but we in real life have since the games were made, or at least to the point we have better ranges then Mass Effect kinetic weapons.)

They MIGHT effect the particle beams a bit, but that's all.

Two and worse because it came up so often I got curious, but Minbari out range ME tech. By two order's of magnitude, roughly. They measure ranges in millions of kilometers. ME dreadnoughts measure tens of thousands of kilometers as EXTREME range, in all caps.

Three, Minbari FTL is faster then ME FTL. It's faster then the Reapers as well who clock in at 40 light years per day. A Sharlin can maintain 75 light years per HOUR long enough to go from one end of the galaxy to the other in eight weeks, faster then citadel races can manage using mass relays.

A Sharlin vs any Dreadnought in ME ends with the Dreadnought very, very, very fucked.

It get's worse, because:

Four, the Minbari have more then 4000 Sharlins. They almost have more of their Dreadnought Equivalent then the Citadel has non-Fighter military spacecraft. They've been preparing for a war for a thousand years and it shows.

I'm sorry to say, but unless the Citadel had forewarning and took this very seriously and put their economy on full war footing to make as many ships as possible, the Minbari could solo the entirety of Citadel space, through simple NUMBERS, completely ignoring the other reasons why that would go badly for the Citadel.
druigdoan chapter 13 . 7/1/2014
Very damn fine story, can't wait for the next part to come up sir!
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