|Reviews for Emerald Cocoon|
| The World in Black and White chapter 3 . 12/30/2013
Great story! I really love it! Please don't abandon this! I can't wait until the next chapter! I really want to read more. Please update soon :)
| sub0chick chapter 3 . 12/8/2013
very nice start to things, really curious what the flying creature is and what it's going to mean for harry. not to mention -very- curious about the cocoon part of the title and what it's going to mean. keep up the good work, i look forward to more :)
| Guest chapter 3 . 11/14/2013
can u please please please hurry up and write some more of this story it is really good and interesting and i really want 2 know what is going 2 happen next
| Gravind Divine chapter 3 . 10/11/2013
Update soon please! This is great!
| ArtyPotter0723 chapter 3 . 4/7/2013
I hope you are going to continue this because it is already a great story and at this rate, will be a great one.
| esinger chapter 3 . 12/2/2012
Amazing! I love the build up to where this story is going. Live the story and see you at the next chapter!
| Snow-Loftwing chapter 3 . 1/17/2012
D this is good please continue :)
| otahotian chapter 3 . 12/25/2011
thats basically one awesome story :)
it has one strong story line and few others and i can see you have quite some things stored away for later use :D (f. animal, the snake,goblins,obvious distrust for Dumbledore from Harry) so i am looking forward how it will get on :)
oh, i like the way you write harry, too - i am sick of everyone making him a total hero who knows how to do everything and everyone had wronged him, you write him like a responsible teen and thats nice! :)
thank you for that.
Hopefully you will continue soon, i will be waiting (im)patiently ;)
| domsijohn chapter 3 . 12/1/2011
i so hope charlie loves harry and protects him from albus
| domsijohn chapter 2 . 12/1/2011
| domsijohn chapter 1 . 12/1/2011
| Shika's Twin chapter 3 . 9/15/2011
That was great. I really liked it. Good job. I hope you continue this.
| harrylover101 chapter 3 . 7/31/2011
I really love the way this is going, and I think it is incredibly well written. I look forward to your next post eagerly.
| BlueRoseUK chapter 3 . 6/18/2011
Love the chapter lengths, don't understand people who grumble about a short chapter, when a longer one means you can really sink your teeth into it :)
Hasn't been the story I expected from the summary - thought Charlie would never turn up! Despite that I'm really enjoying what you've posted so far, wondering about a few thing though.
Why didn't the Ministry notice Harry's deliberate use of healing magic over the summer? It clearly wasn't accidental as he focused it on specific areas. I thought it could have been because it was wandless magic, but then I remembered that they picked up the whole Marge balloon thing which obviously wasn't done with a wand, and that the Ministry registered it as accidental implying that something somewhere records that kind of stuff. hmmm... Perhaps am overthinking this!
I noticed in the (first?) chapter when Harry has just been beaten badly by his uncle that in one paragraph he starts out lying on his bed and then at the end he gets on his bed. Also in the second chapter there's a bit of pronoun muddling, and general gender confusion, but you really sorted that out this chapter :) Thought you did a good portrayal of Vernon, as an unpleasant man with a natural live-in scapegoat who is pushed over the edge by financial problems and drink. I think the neglect and implications of statements within canon back up the idea that Harry's used to having to didge the odd blow, not that he gets beaten on a regular basis throughout his childhood, and your story would fit into that if the violence was an escalation and lashing out because of the current situation. Sorry, long and rambly sentence, but as much as I love a bit of hurt/comfort in a story, I've been a bit overwhelmed by the number of people that have Harry's childhood one long and painful beating.
Now that Charlie's here will we see some sparks? From the details I assumed that was the pairing, but seems very brotherly in the limited peek we've had so far! Will Charlie (and probably Hermione) pick up on Harry's situation at home? I know Ron, Dumbledore and others are pretty oblivious usually and Sirius (though I love him and like the relationship you've been building) isn't really much of a father figure for Harry, as he's to caught up in his own - very real - problems, and doesn't seem to notice all that much. But Hermione is too bright to miss much, and I can picture her picking up on little clues that the Dursley's left Harry alone, even if the bruises and healing spells are far enough along to conceal the abuse. Charlie, well I'll have to see where you take his character but in my head he's a very open, honest person, which could mean he's good at seeing the truth or really bad at discerning dishonesty or evasion as he doesn't use it. Whatever, if he takes on a role as Harry's bodyguard (and really, wouldn't Harry have needed a one on one bodyguard away from Hogwarts and his teachers even more? That Dumbledore...) then proximity at the least would give him the best chance of figuring out Harry's secrets.
The mystery teacher... Umbridge? Or could it be worse? Hope not. I loathe the character Umbridge, so if she makes an appearnce in this story please, please, make sure she gets some sort of comeuppance rather than the kids suffering through her practically all year. I personally like to picture what Sirius might have done to her, and I find it hard to imagine Hermione managing to keep her treatment of Harry a secret from other teachers. In this case a Charlie with a protective streak... Oooh, my imagination can have free reign for a little while.
Long and rambly review, sorry! Final thing, promise! Mystery creature? Excited to find out more... Surely not a teacher or Charlie connection? Hmm. No more guessing, will wait to find out :)
Thank you for an entertaining read so far,
| Arithmancy Master chapter 3 . 5/17/2011
You dance around when you receive a review? Oh dear, maybe I should have only read the chapters very gradually! You seem to have something in common with Sirius who was singing and dancing at the thought of pancakes. As this is probably the longest review I've written, it could lead to a lot of dancing.
I loved the chapter, particularly Hermione's motherly fussing about the pancakes. People were all very much in character. Not surprising that the governors want to appoint the DADA teacher as Dumbledore has made a mess of it. But will it be Umbridge? (Hopefully not as she was a ministry appointment.) As Lucius is on the board, maybe yet another death eater? Looking forward to the next chapters to find out.
As requested, comments on the grammar are:
Snuffle's should be Snuffles'
I might have took the Knight bus should be 'I might have taken'
In the discussion about the library, 'I leave you two to get reacquainted' would normally be I'll leave or I will leave.
'We could only clean a few rooms yet' would read better as 'We've only managed to clean a few rooms so far.'
'It went under some serious cleaning' should be 'It had undergone some..' or 'It had been subject to ..'
'Fred who stole' would be better as 'Fred who had stolen'
You could put a comma after 'The boys were about to dress' so that it does not look like the boys were about to dress the girls. (It is obvious that this is not the case when the sentence as a whole is read, it just appears that this is what it will mean.
'He watched increasingly worried' could be 'worriedly' as it is technically an adverb but most people would not bother. It is a pet grievance of mine that football commentators seem to be completely unable to use adverbs correctly, e.g. he ran quick, rather than quickly.
Mrs Weasley should have been proud of rather than at her son.
It should be 'The only people...were (rather than was) Snape and the headmaster.
I think you might have meant abate rather than abide.
These are very minor matters and are few in number, particularly as the were in a very long chapter.
They are also points that many other readers would not even notice. However, I assume that you asked for comments on grammar due to a desire to improve even more. I am absolutely amazed at the quality of the English of yourself and many other writers who do not live in countries which have English as a first language. It is often much better than that of authors fron Britain, the US and Australia. It makes me ashamed of the quality of foreign language learning at British schools. Although I studied four languages, I could hardly write a paragraph now (many, many years later) in any of them, let alone consider writing a story.
OK, I'll now shut up about grammar.
A practical matter: In most streets in Britain odd numbered houses are on one side and even numbers on the other. Exceptions are usually small streets and cul de sacs. Therefore number 12 would normally be between 10 and 14. The one exception would be that number 13 is often missing, so in these cases 11 is next to 15.
Also, I always thought that Ron snored loudly, not that this matters at all.