Reviews for How To Write A Vampire Novel
Blood girl chapter 1 . 8/7/2016
I agree that vampires don't sparkle but it isn't weird if a 107 year old vampire falls in love with a 17 year old girl because vampires are immortal and don't age so they can't stay in love with a human for very long without making them a vampire but there will still be an age difference. For example in a novel I was reading had a vampire how was over 10 thousand years old in love with a 16 year old girl who he asked to be his lover so it isn't wired at
Ziggy Starburst chapter 1 . 10/30/2013
Yeah helped a lot and also i don't really think there should be good guy vamps either because they. Are. Evil.
End of.
Anti-Twilight chapter 1 . 8/9/2013
Okay: I know this was written a long time ago BUT I am going to review anyway because I can't help it!
BEST GUIDE EVER! I highly recommend this for future best-selling paranormal authors, XD!
I totally agree with you! And yes, Meyers went way off course with the "sparkly vampire" stuff.
Happy Writing!
Midwinter Sun chapter 1 . 6/1/2013
1. It actually isn't that out there IMO. Predators are supposed to be beautiful. Kinda like the fish with the little ball of light. Not that my vampires are going to sparkle. Ew.
2. Neither do gingers or sailors. (Well, I don't believe that, but that's what they say.) But they fall in love all the time. The whole point of my novel is that sometimes humans are the real monsters (another cliche, I know, new spin on it), so I think I can ignore the "no souls" part.
3. I agree.
4. What if they're like Dexter?
5. Eh. Humans have fangs. They're just small. Might have been more believable if SM mentioned that. Mine have small-ish fangs that are really just elongated canines, but they make it difficult to speak, so my vampire has a speech impairment. (Twilight vampires just have sharp teeth. Human teeth _can_ pierce skin, too. Add that to razor sharp and super-strength, and you don't need fangs.)
6. Agree, unless it's a parody or the offspring is a total monster. Vampires don't necessarily have to be rotting corpses, though.
7. Agreed.
8. COMPLETELY AGREE! (Although some original vampire myths have vampires as a type of fairy, fyi.)
10. Yes. For the love of Camelot, and Gallifrey, and Hogwarts, and Tumblr, YES.
ally chapter 1 . 1/23/2013
thats wack and deep down they do have souls
girlie chapter 1 . 1/15/2013
thats great but i still like twilight!srry!
Guest chapter 1 . 12/14/2012
Good people hardly ever follow simple rules about vampire. thumbs up.
Freya's Valhalla chapter 1 . 12/11/2012
Thank you, for enlighting Fanfiction with a bit of harmless humor, for I include myself in the "vampire genre mourner" over the clear decadence of what once was an exhilarating read about bloodlust, besmeared with angst and dark themes.
I am in love with Food chapter 1 . 8/13/2012
i my gosh i think i just died from your wisdom.
emm mm chapter 1 . 7/23/2012
wavyrv up
TygerZ chapter 1 . 7/17/2012
I love this! It's so true. #6 and #7 are my favorites.
Artemia Fae chapter 1 . 1/4/2012
Lol. This made me laugh so much. Even though I like twilight. I hated Eclipse both the movie and the book and didn't move past the first page of Breaking Dawn. And now watching New Moon, which was my favorite I realize how dumb it make teenage girls look. Like we'd all go loca because our boyfriends left us. I do have to agree no one has a soul, I think it's chi. Or whatever.

Basically what I'm trying to say is I realise it is trying to promote abstinence and innocence and not caring about your appearance and obsessing over your crazy stalker watches you sleep controlling boyfriend. Yep it's def realistic. But in truth it's sort of beautiful. And I do like how smeyer made vampires invincible to sunlight. It's a nice touch. Plus if vampires are so powerful how can silver or hello Christians the cross stop them? It doesn't seem legit.
luvmyangelofmusic chapter 1 . 8/7/2011

there is not much more i can say other than

"sparkling gay fairies"
nadda fuhrman chapter 1 . 7/16/2011
Yayy! I'm not the only one who thinks SM is destroying the world of vampires and she's turning them into pansies. Welcome to one of my favorite authors!
EternalStarr chapter 1 . 4/24/2011
Okay this list was very amusing, even if I do think Stephanie Meyer's version of vampires was very creative. I honestly thought that besides Bella's annoying self centered, anti-social, bitchness and Edward's over protectiveness and controlling nature and the Mary Sue-ness of vampires in general, Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse were pretty decent reads! But I refuse to acknowledge the exsistince of Breaking Dawn! Because that book had no fighting scenes, giant plot holes too big for me to ignore, and RENESMEE CARLIE CULLEN ( crappy name by the way) is far too much of a Mary Sue and Jacob being with her instead of Leah when he was in love with her mom is just sick and wrong!
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