|Reviews for Luigis Mansion Part 2|
| CheeseDeluxe chapter 1 . 9/3/2011
No. This was not good. I'm not going to be nice here, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take my advice. Seriously, listen to me.
What kind of a goddamn hook is this? This is a failure and almost a mockery of Luigi's Mansion. The intro lacks detail and is unappealing. The exposition is not only boring, but almost typical. And why would Bowser Jr. want to become a great ghost hunter out of nowhere? I hope for your sake that you give him an ulterior motive to all of this. No, 'utter chaos' does not count.
And holy crap, that's not even mentioning the grammar and spelling errors riddled all over this. You have a total of three paragraphs. The first one lacks punctuation and already destroys any sense of verb tense.
"Luigi eat a donut "ah… no more ghosts" thought Luigi."
"Eat" and "thought" are not in the same category. Learn that.
The second paragraph is basically a giant brick of dialogue. I need to emphasize something, right now. Each quotation is on its own line, barring any related actions. However, you decided mashing all of them up into one rectangle was a good idea. The spelling is atrocious, too. You can't even misspell anything consistently! Have you ever seen a spellchecker all your life? There's a reason for the wavy red line. It means you spelled a word wrong.
Lastly, you don't need to say "To be continued." That is implied already. Also, you capitalized it wrong. But then, given you, what else is new?
| Tiana Koopa chapter 1 . 5/23/2011
This was good!