|Reviews for Love is Hard to Shake|
| Jasper chapter 1 . 4/6/2011
I suppose it's a decent oneshot if you can overlook the paragraph monsters. Always separate speech and start a new paragraph when more then one person is speaking. It get's very difficult to read when more then conversation is going on in one paragraph. Although there are some nutjobs who think you need a new paragraph after every sentence of speech. I think that's going overboard and it makes the story look childish.
The example below should give you a rough example. Much easier to read then the previous version.
"Na- Naruto!" Hinata near shouted but a reassuring smile returned to her.
"It's okay, Hinata, I've come to say I'm sorry. I have been ignoring you purposely." He confessed.
She looked unsure at first before using the back of her hand to wipe her eyes and nose. "I understand, Naruto, it's okay-."
"No," Naruto interrupted, "You risked your life to save me and I haven't even said thank you. That's shameful." He held his head down in shame before looking her with hardened crystal blue eyes. "You even told me you… you….. that you… loved me. No one has ever said that to me before. No one." Naruto added whispering before thanking her sincerely with tears in his eyes. Hinata stared at him mouth agate. Was this really Naruto?
"I can't even explain why I was treating you like that... I guess I was scared… yeah scared to face you." Hinata blinked several times waiting on him to continue and when she saw he wouldn't for a while spoke up.
"Scared of me?" Naruto nodded while a small smile lingered on his face. Next, a single tear fell from his left eye and all Hinata could do was gasp. Hinata felt her inner strength arousing inside her. She decided it to be now or never as she wrapped her right arm around him and pull him in a loving embrace. Tears stung her eyes slightly blinding her, she breathed quickly and quietly in his ear for fear she would lose her nerve. "You don't have to be afraid of me, Naruto. I will always care for you… Love is hard to shake."
| NarutoNineTaleFox chapter 1 . 4/6/2011
Aww how cute
| xXPOPPXx chapter 1 . 4/6/2011
that was cute .
and ill tell you exactly what i think:
i think you have a real talent in writing... you can usually tell by how a person starts.
USUALLY (not always) if the story starts like 'I blah blah blah' it's not going to be as good... but when you mix it up a bit and start a story like you did, you can tell that at least the person is trying :) and you succeeded.
i don't really have much else to say, since it was really good- i didn't even spot any grammar/spelling errors... so...
kudos, i guess? lol :D