Reviews for Not Yet a King
explosive0berry chapter 1 . 6/26/2012
i didn't dislike anything, it was really well written. i would love you to continue this! pleaaase!
ZephyrWriter chapter 1 . 4/27/2011
Well, since you were so kind to review my stories, I thought I should return the favor.

I actually really like what you did with this piece. You seemed to capture the characters very well, and the dialogue feels very realistic. My only qualm would for the dialogue would be that it sounds a bit to modern to me, but that is more of a personal preference than anything.

It was a bit rushed at the end, but you seemed to already know that. As a piece of friendly advice, don't try to rush to the ending- instead, let the plot dictate the pace. I know, that sounds a bit odd, but each story has a different pace that it is told best at, so you often have to experiment in order to figure out how to best tell the tale.

I did enjoy the piece, and I do hope that you keep writing. You already have a lot going for you, keep it up!

Zephyr
ExOhNine chapter 1 . 4/17/2011
Damn dude. Screw "but I want to know what parts you liked", I liked the entire thing. Even the part in parentheses was fine - and to be honest, the funniest bit in the entire story. Simba's emotions were conveyed excellently and you really felt for him.

Although you wrote this with the intention of it being a oneshot, I vote that you continue it.
The Real Simba chapter 1 . 4/9/2011
Great job dude, you really had it nice and detailed. And nobody's perfect. :) You did great with this, and hope to read ur update soon.
NalaGift chapter 1 . 4/8/2011
I'm sorry I can't tell you what parts I disliked because I loved it all :) I liked the beginning when the state of the pridelands and even Simba's was described. Of course his thoughts on Nala are lovely. I especially enjoyed how honest he was with himself when he said he was attentive to her every word and then seemed to back track... apparently not simba. I love that you managed to fit Sarabi in there to give her son advice. Sweet moment. But the end was what I liked the most. The fact that Simba just could NOT wait to talk to Nala was just so romantic. Great job :)
Nala-Nay chapter 1 . 4/7/2011
Ok, well you said don't say "I liked it", I Loved it lol. Ok enough of being annoying...My favorite though was the ending, where he realized that what he needed was Nala. He can't run the kingdom by himself...every king needs a queen to keep him on his feet. Sarabi's words are always wisdom when written in stories and you did a wonderful job capturing her even if it was a slip moment.

I also liked how they are both shy. Nala not wanting to be over-barring and in his face or show to much affection to make him uncomfortable, and Simba, not knowing how to tell her his feelings. Kind of that "Do you know that I love you?" type of thing. She knows he loves her and kind of lets him know that it's ok if he tells her. Hope I got that right.

I honestly can say that wasn't a piece that I disliked. It was wonderfully written.

I really enjoyed this piece :), hope you write more Simba/Nala Love!
lillyemmaline chapter 1 . 4/7/2011
I was sad when I realized this was a small oneshot... :( Very good writing. I could feel exactly what Simba was feeling.
Starzinmieyez chapter 1 . 4/6/2011
This was brilliant! The way you put across everything was great! Such a shame it was only a oneshot...