|Reviews for Undone|
| alieasheart chapter 1 . 4/9/2011
| Maiafay chapter 1 . 4/9/2011
One of the few F!Hawke stories I'm adding to my faves. And I don't blame Hawke one bit for letting Anders live. He "would" have been a martyr, and the other reason is that my Hawke was a big baby and couldn't kill a companion she had kept by her side all those years.
The build up, tension was well done. Hawke seemed in shock more than anything, and ashamed. Fenris was in character, broody, explosive, and unhinged. I like the twist of these two realizing "after" the gallows battle they had feelings for each other. (wonder if Hawke will ever tell Varric about this little post-battle encounter? Cassandra's expression would be worth it)
That, and I'm not one for fluff. At all. Passionate and rough is the only way I can deal with traditional pairings (meaning male and female) otherwise the intimacy has a tendency to slip into cliche. Hmm, the same could be said for slash pairing as well, I suppose. In any case, cliche isn't what I want to read and didn't here. Nice, refreshing, and very...stimulating. Well done.
Semicolons. This is only my opinion and it's also a stylistic preference, but semicolons are an eyesore. Too many and I start noticing them more than the writing. Periods work just fine, and in most cases, replacing a semicolon with a period doesn't change the tone or flow.
And brevity. Not every action should be stated if implied already. Sometimes it ends up being too much information. I would have to give examples of what I mean, but not every author is receptive to crits. Therefore, if you reply, I'll explain better in a PM.
Nicely done overall.
| Raven Jadewolfe chapter 1 . 4/9/2011
ooh angry smexy time with Fenris? yes please! lol
| elenilote chapter 1 . 4/9/2011
Excellent. I really can't find anything else to say about this... so good!
| Skeasel chapter 1 . 4/8/2011
Wow! I think I need a cigarette...