|Reviews for Haigeki|
| Zhor chapter 1 . 3/6/2013
Pretty clever breakdown of magical girls' abilities.
| Fangking2 chapter 11 . 2/5/2013
alot of smart moves on both sides. I like it.
| Fangking2 chapter 10 . 2/5/2013
I suspected something like this when i read Hecate needed one of the other Senshis
| Fangking2 chapter 9 . 2/5/2013
freedom at last. Now he has a loyal knight, a Noble Phantasm level spear(By the way, have you considered Gae Bolg), and...alies...The fruite cake Chiyo is nuts
| D chapter 11 . 1/11/2013
You sir, I must salute you. You have woven the FIRST story I have ever read, that filled me with true, deep, penetrating psychological /HORROR/. Not mere squeamishness or disgust like the horror movie industry loves to rely on. You, with this work have managed to convey a deep, abiding spiritual AGONY with your words in a way that, frankly, I have never seen before, with the experiences in... education. It is cold, precise, methodical.
Again, I salute you, and the terrible magnificence you have wrought.
| evil Monkey chapter 4 . 12/15/2012
well, you certainly captured in ranma what japanese anime seems to be all about:
disregard wisdom, brains, common sense and be as stupid as possible while aiming for a goal. it seems every anime or manga hero is like that, from ranma to naruto and beyond. and while we're at it revile and be hostile to those much more intelligent than the hero is.
dunno, if i can read much more of this type of story. it certainly isn't bad, but stupidly headstrong characters aren't really something i enjoy reading.
aside from that, good twist on an old crossover.
| RanmaChaos chapter 11 . 12/5/2012
Good chapter! Please continue to UPDATE!
| Richard Ryley chapter 11 . 12/5/2012
On further thought, I have to say I think I prefer my original assumption that Sailor Moon was dead. Operation Coin Toss sounds like exactly the sort of foolhardy, careless, "Believe in the Power of Friendship" thing that Usagi would attempt. And she wouldn't even have to risk the Silver Crystal, it would not be the first time that she entrusted the Ginzuisho to Rei before embarking on a suicide mission. She could gamble on either the power of Eternal Moon or her belief in the goodness of people to win Artemis over.
And with the Princess dead, the line of succession for the Moon Kingdom would be clear. If the Inner Senshi consider it their highest priority to protect the Ginzuisho and keep it out of the hands of Artemis, that would explain why they have gone into hiding. Even the Outer Senshi would be a risk, as Artemis could try to use them to learn the location of the Inners.
| Guest chapter 11 . 12/4/2012
Cologne says that she made a deal with _ that they wouldn't go after any of the amazons yet wasn't that deal broken when they took Ranma as Cologne keeps telling Ranma he/she IS AN AMAZON as he/she IS Shampoo's HUSBAND
| The Ranmazon chapter 11 . 12/4/2012
Should have Jusenkyo's magic become a part of Ranma's magic meaning Ranma shoots a ball of water and the person she hits turns into anything that drowned at Jusenkyo
| Kinematics chapter 11 . 12/4/2012
Another great chapter (some of the best fight scenes I've read -anywhere-), though I will say that the meeting over Ranma becoming Director seemed to be missing certain critical setup points.
Listing technical errors I found:
"I apologize. I seem to have slipped off subject," Setsuna said. "How Artemis came to be at the Institute in unimportant. Her freedom is our current concern. In that lies our opportunity. As I said, Artemis was afforded amenities. Amongst those was the continuation of her endowment."
"in unimportant" - "is unimportant"
"During the Silver Millennium, Ginzuisho was studied in great detail. As such, I know for certain that the crystal's maximum output is limited to one-four-hundredth of the Moon's spiritual flow," Setsuna answered. "In physics terms, that equates to ten petawatts." The green haired woman drew a chilling smile. "Or, if you would prefer, fifty Hiroshimas. A second."
"A second." - "Per second."
This morning, I had opened the Chiyo's trunk. I had chosen the simplest of the dresses contained within. It was a cute, burgundy piece that ended at the knees. Fancy, black ribbons tied the front, and white lace trimmed the edges. With it I wore black dress shoes, each sporting modest heels. A butterfly clip channeled my hair so that it flowed over my shoulders.
"the Chiyo's trunk" - "Chiyo's trunk"
"Greed was our undoing. The secret of tenki was jealously guarded. Then it was lost. So too vanish many of our techniques. Clans take their teachings the grave. Elders hide their art, fearing the strength of outsiders. Ha! How vain. How foolish. What purpose does it serve to have an art but no heir to inherit? How can we call ourselves great when our skills fade into legend and myth?"
"Clans take their teachings the grave." - "Clans take their teachings to the grave."
Shampoo and Mousse were just as skilled as their counterparts. Unfortunately, a mere two days had not been enough to bridge of month of preparation. Shampoo was not transformed. Ordinarily, the lack of magic would have made the Joketsuzoku warriors worthless. Syaoran had changed that. Mousse and Shampoo were armed with a dozen paper seals. The charms were laden with kinzu. When placed upon a weapon, the seals would give the warriors the the ability to pierce the auric defense of magical girls.
"enough to bridge of month of preparation" - "enough to bridge a month of preparation"
Kamiko was taken aback. "Kohai, I hardly thing you would agree-"
"thing" - "think"
"The rules governing the appointment of the position director allow her claim. All senshi are equal. She is a senshi. Without a legitimate reason to refuse, we must consider candidate Saotome's bid as valid," Michiko elucidated.
"position director" - "position of director"
"Further, I find the highlighted concerns weak. Experience can be gained. Personality is subject to change. Excluding these factors, your reasoning remains flawed. Upon becoming director, candidate Saotome, would have our absolute support. Any task that exceeds her ability can be delegated."
"Upon becoming director, candidate Saotome, would have our absolute support." - "Upon becoming director, candidate Saotome would have our absolute support."
"I guess we do what we have too," I said, grimacing. My gaze flickered into a glare. "But I am doing away with the head games. When reforming girls, we stick to traditional methods."
"what we have too" - "what we have to"
My hands curled into fists. I forced them open. "If I agree that it will make me a better, director," I said. My eyes became steel, "But I won't be another Artemis. I draw the line at my morals and my art. Got it?"
"a better, director" - "a better director"
Whoomph! Concrete exploded from broken bar. A quintet of oni drew themselves to their full height. With spectral shields, they shoved rock aside. An annoyed Akina stood on the bar room table. The other senshi were gathered at her side. Kamiko crouched, her head shielded by her arms. Michiko was unmoved, her trust in her magic absolute. A score of nearby girls dusted themselves off as they rallied to their leaders.
"from broken bar" - "from the broken bar"
"Hurry up, damn it" I growled at the heavens.
it" - it,"
I slammed Gungnir's butt into the roof twice. The spear left nice, rounded holes in the concrete. Spindles of black and white twine flowed from the sleeves of my dress, weaving themselves into rope. The lengthening strands snaked their way down one hole and up the other. They tied themselves in knot.
"themselves in knot" - "themselves in a knot"
The mass manufactured shikigami gathered in a reserve squad. From there they were section off. Half the conjured troops were sent to join the legion of infantry, disposable trash to guard the Institute's girls. The rest were sent to a second staging area. There a lone girl folded giant sheets of paper into airplanes.
"they were section off" - "they were sectioned off"
I smirked at the sight. How convenient. I had been wondering how I would get Institute's attention. And here they were, giving me the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.
"get Institute's attention" - "get the Institute's attention"
I hit the roof. The impact dislocated my right shoulder. Somehow, I tumbled into a controlled roll. I crossed half the roof in a blink. I flashed to my feet, wrenching Gungnir free as I slid past. The spear span in my grip, slaughtering four shikigami with a single stroke.
"The spear span in my grip" - "The spear spun in my grip"
A sea of shikigami met me. Gungnir flickered, turning demons into dust and smoke. A spattering of magical girls rushed in, backed by infinite oni. I pressed forward. Gungnir was like lighting. With rapid thrusts I ripped through the army. Nothing that stood within three meters of me survived. Every strike of Gungnir slew an oni. Every swing felled a girl.
"Gungnir was like lighting" - "Gungnir was like lightning"
| Sunshine Temple chapter 11 . 12/4/2012
I must say. This impressed me. I read the whole story in just over 24 hours.
It's gripping and very engaging. Ranma's struggles come out in vivid, disturbing relief. The multiple platforms on which she fights and her tenacity even when it is at its worst shine through.
It makes the later actions when she escapes all the more triumphant. And the effects on her mind are the more telling and tragic.
This is a character study loaded with pathos that grabs at the heart, which it then infests with worms.
If i had any criticism I think you could weigh your descriptions down a bit more. Sometimes characters are not fleshed out very well in how they're dressed or how they look which makes visualization hard, and some of your fight scenes, like the latter part of this one, run a bit thin and it's a mite hard to keep a good visual image.
Though with fight scenes that's more towards the end, at the start they are very clear cut and vivid.
Looking forward to more.
| yellulhchicken chapter 11 . 12/4/2012
well worth the wait? yes, yes this was.
| Ranmayamabushi chapter 11 . 12/4/2012
wooo dang, great story, keep up the great work
| quickshot0 chapter 11 . 12/4/2012
Looks like that fight was partially painful to Ranma, before she got them where she wanted them. Hopefully the trap will work as well as she hopes, else things could get quite difficult... well even more difficult then they are already.
And the deal needed to get everyone to agree to her candidacy has some extra things to it, that I'm sure she'll regret in one sense or the other in the future. But I suppose getting it through mediation and consensus was a more civilized solution then the fall back plan. Also much less painful for them all...
On another note, it's sad the next update will be longer, but it is as it is. The writing is quite good over all though, so one can but wait with baited breath for the final chapter and following epilogue.