|Reviews for Fifteen|
| guest chapter 1 . 3/19/2013
pichu: I wanna kiss
| Airisu7 chapter 1 . 9/16/2012
Aaww, so cute!
| Obiwan1527 chapter 1 . 1/1/2012
Awwww do cute! Good job.
| Askjdhsdkjgdsgsdk chapter 1 . 7/30/2011
Aaw that was so cute! Haha, "Nah. I actually had a lollipop for you but I decided to keep it." xD
| AiLoveAkuma chapter 1 . 7/30/2011
Kya! It's so well written! I love it, it's so cute and fluffy! You did a great job! *goes off to read more of your stories*
| hakaeijis chapter 1 . 7/17/2011
I love it!And yes my dear Kengo i love the way u are so please dont change ever
| RiversOfVenice chapter 1 . 5/9/2011
Aww! Cute as always!
| KeytoDestiny chapter 1 . 4/16/2011
Yatta for Penguinshipping! :'DDD
Okies, lemme just list any mistakes or tips first and I'll get to he real part of the review. X3
"Good morning, [M]om!" - So here, "mom" would actually be capitalized. The reason's because Dawn is calling Johanna "Mom" as a name, and all names are capitalized.
An example of when it wouldn't be capitalized would be... "Her mom was really nice." - this "mom" here isn't a name, so it's not capitalized. Hope it makes sense. :'D
"...Hey." [S]he turned to her mother." - So here, it's a period instead of a comma because the part following the dialogue isn't containing the verb directly explaining the dialogue.
It's really confusing, so I'll just give some examples from your story. XDD
Using a comma:
- "Hey Dee-Dee!" two boys cried in unison.
- "Barry then?" her friend suggested.
- "Nope. He's got auburn hair," she said, smiling.
Not using a comma:
- The Pichu smiled at Dawn."Pichu, Pii!"
- Johanna smiled."Just wait..."
- Dawn's face lighted up."Really?"
Okies, and for others... I think "Happy Birthday"'s call capitalized. X3. "Twinleaf Town" should also all be capitalized. 8)
For tips, there was a few words that were kinda off sounding.
- Usually people don't say "you silly" but rather just "silly."
- "Indeed" doesn't seem like something Kenny would say; it's usually for more serious/smart/elderly people. XD
- "You will never change, will you?" For people like Kenny, it'd probably be "You'll" instead of "you will;" Our society today is more slangy, and that's usually how he would talk. XDD
It also doesn't seem very likely for Kenny to not figure out who Dawn was talking about. If you think about it, Kenny prepared a kiss for Dawn's gift, and he asked her intending to find out who she liked. It made it seem like Kenny had some sort of idea Dawn liked him. And with Dawn giving so many obvious hints and Kenny not being as dense as Ash, he should've at least began to get the truth, rather than finding out at the very, very end. _
Oh, and don't forget Piplup, since this is an IU fic. Dawn always has Piplup out of his Pokeball, and you should at least mention somewhere if he's not part of the fic. X3
Okies, now for the real part of the review!
- Piiiiiiichuuuuuuuuu! I LOVE PICHU! Kinda fits for Dawn to get a Pichu. X33
- Psh for Barry insulting Lucas! XDD
- Oh of course you would guess Ash, Kenny. TT
- Oh how sweet Kenny~! XDD
- I loved how you had Mespirt appear at the very end - it's really fitting and makes it more symbolic. X33
Cute fic, Nikki~! (I shall call you Nikki cause I needa call you SOMETHING XDD). Penguinshipping loooooove~!
Hope to see more fics soon~! 8DD
| iluvdoughnuts chapter 1 . 4/12/2011
Awwww that was too cute x3
I loved how Kenny guessed and had no idea...and then it all happens...! Ah young love!
Excellent job with this short yet good and entertaining :)