|Reviews for Chance to change|
| MrNeedsToRemoveAllFavs chapter 5 . 6/21/2011
When the Jounin announced "three elements" Naruto had only used two; lightning and water. Jiraiya had used the fire and earth. After, Jiraiya said four, but he'd only used three, having used an earth technique when taunting him.
Note: Hiruzen can use all Five Elements.
| MrNeedsToRemoveAllFavs chapter 2 . 6/21/2011
Please use question marks when having a character questioning events, or asking questions, even during narration. Otherwise, it seems like you're stating a fact, when you aren't really stating a fact.
If you're not going to go into detail, make sure you make Naruko different than canon Naruto. While it would be incredibly easy to make her the same, the fact that she has a parent to tell her right from wrong means she'd likely be quite a bit more serious, as well as more observant of social niceties. In addition, she'd have had some training and there's no way she'd be the "dead last" in the academy without somebody falsifying records (which could get people killed, and likely wouldn't be allowed). She might also be clingy to him, simply because he's likely to be one of the few to give her positive attention, if any kind of attention.
Just as before with the possible inconsistencies in canon (when you go from a Universe that's "almost canon" and bring up inconsistencies, I'm going to point them out and ask about them), I would like to point out that Naruto was never beaten in canon from what we've seen and the evidence given. It was the "little as ignoring his existence" that you mentioned that Naruto got. Did you do that on purpose, or were you taken in by the fanon concept that he was beaten every day of his life by random ninja and villagers wanting to kill him? Which, if they had wanted to kill him, they would have succeeded. Even with ridiculous regeneration, his life span would have been reduced so much from being beaten every day (if he didn't die horribly from the wounds at whatever age they say he started getting beaten at [which I've seen people claim he was beaten at 3 years of age, which is just plain ridiculous]) that he would have died years before canon started. That, or his bones would become so strong from the repeated trauma that they would be able to punch through steel.
And yes, it's been scientifically proven that bones become stronger when traumatized. So hitting something with enough force to send your fist through steel is theoretically possible (those people they tested it on were able to shatter concrete with their foreheads, which is normally impossible).
Hitai-ate, not Hitai. That would just be "forehead" and lifting your forehead to reveal an eye is a bit weird when he was apparently already staring in that direction. :P
Naruto could actually end up teaching Itachi. During the kyuubi attack Itachi was about 6 years old. He graduates, iirc, at 7 or 8, becomes a chunin at 9, and an ANBU captain at 13 in canon.
| MrNeedsToRemoveAllFavs chapter 1 . 6/21/2011
You do know the Jubi has, like, one gigantic eye, right? And that it's not any animal we've ever seen before beyond being humanoid.
Just wondering if you were changing it deliberately, or if you stopped reading/caring at some point.
Please stop using "gaki" it's really annoying, not to mention almost as cliche as the kyuubi using "kit" to refer to him. It roughly translates to "spoiled brat" and it's so much easier to type either kid or brat instead.
Pretty sure Kushina would've survived if she hadn't used the last of her chakra to not only restrain the Kyuubi but put a part of herself in the seal, in addition to taking that gigantic claw through her stomach. If she'd just stayed where Minato left her, she'd have likely been living. Ah well, brashness always seems to win at the cost of lives in anime.
Just like to point out that there is one person that knew Kushina was pregnant right before the attack: Mikoto Uchiha.
| god of all chapter 5 . 6/21/2011
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
| battousai222 chapter 5 . 6/20/2011
awsome chapter here!
| Elemental Dragon Swordman chapter 5 . 6/19/2011
That was an intense battle Naruto had with Jiraya and I'm surprised the council didn't insist on something like the clan restoration act.
I find it amusing and adorable the way Naruko reacted to seeing the Rin'negan and after Naruto turned that ability to stop Naruko from crying.
| Rixxell Stryfe chapter 5 . 6/19/2011
Good chapter. I really liked the battle with Jiraiya and I'm glad that it caused Danzou to think about any actions he might make before he does them. I'm surprised that Naruto got the Rin'negan during the fight and I wonder how they will try to make it awaken in Naruko.
Thanks for writing and keep up the good work:)
| Frostius chapter 5 . 6/18/2011
| InARealPickle chapter 5 . 6/18/2011
The first two chapters were hard core epic!
But sadly it all went down hill from there. The last three chapters were nothing but one tired cliche strung after another.
A few well used ideas being incorporated into a plot with a new twist is one thing. However, every single scene change brought nothing but a rewrite of thousands of other stories... right down to the scene where Sarutobi freaked out of the kage bunshin doing his paperwork.
Oh and lets not forget that oh so well known scene where Anko and Naruto fight over dango and ramen. Now there's something we've never seen before. *rolls eyes*
The sad thing is, none of the cliches were even used to the best effect. There was nothing funny about them. Oh, there may have been once upon a time (4 years ago). But that time has long passed (3.9 years ago).
There was a seriousness to the fic during the first two chapters that was completely lost in chapter 3. It was like your entire writing style changed. Do you suffer from a split personality? One second I was reading Michael Crichton... the next I was reading Stephenie Meyer.
Yes, the substance of the fic dropped THAT much.
All I could think was, "What the frick just happened?"
No really, what happened?
How does one go from writing decent dialogue and scene descriptions; from building up plot tension; from exhibiting a level minor level of creativity; from weaving a somewhat complex plot; to what you gave us in chapters 3-5?
I guess you could say I'm disappointed. I mean, if you had sucked from the very beginning I would have just blown it off as another hack wannabe writer posting tripe to FF.
The problem is that you managed to build up expectation, and then delivered nothing but fluff.
| InARealPickle chapter 3 . 6/18/2011
[As for you Rin-chan, I have no doubt in my mind that my cousin would have wanted you to watch out for his niece.]
Your cousin's child is still called your cousin. Only the degree changes, not the title. The only way the baby could be Minato's niece was if Naruto were his brother or his wife's brother.
| Call0013 chapter 5 . 6/18/2011
| Loiosh311 chapter 5 . 6/17/2011
Love this story glad to see an update!
| Jrf Steel chapter 5 . 6/17/2011
Wow between this and the Harry Potter fic I have no idea which one is my favorite. Keep up the great work and I look forward to your updates.
| WolfbrotherTitan chapter 5 . 6/17/2011
Since this is a harem fic I'm surprised the council didn't insist on something like the clan restoration act that so many authors use. The CRA is actually a good idea, and I could see the council waiting to tell Naruto that he's expected to have as many children as possible. Also, I can't see a good reason why someone like Naruto would ever have a problem with having their own harem, as long as he gets to pick who's in it anyway.
| Narjiro chapter 5 . 6/17/2011
great chapter. can't wait for the next one. and I hope you'll update it more regularly I mean this is becoming 1 of my favourites ATM