Reviews for I Won't Die For You
Guest chapter 8 . 2/13
This is not a love story, it is a horror story. I am not kidding. I would change the genre altleast to romance/horror, if i were you. Why? Because even if your Bella was far more lovely ( because she was an believable individual as a character) than the original one (haha. Not much of a competion there, if we are honest), she still was manipulated and physically and mentally abused nearly the WHOLE TIME of this story, and that by all the people who claimed to love her! I am very sad for her, and how her story ended. There is no bitterer fate than immortality, yes even if you love and are loved, if you really think this trough, at least from my point of view. But this is not the point i want to discuss, at least not directly for itself. Bella Swan thinks of herself as a victim (and she cleary has suffered a lot, but she is still a fighter) at the beginning of the story, but she cleary is nothing more than a victim at the end of the story. Even in between she often is reduced to be a victim, taking often the blame for what others did and projecting it onto herself. Oh what a surprise! did I just discover why you gave her THAT power? ;) You see; Edward abused her as she was just kid. Yes, he could have gone instead of making her gone, but he was to full of himself and HIS pain. And the Jasper has the audacity to voice: hey, if it wad any other vampire, he would have killed you to manipulate bella, so she see's Edward in a better light. That's an manipulation technique and I am convinced you know it. What else? oh, there a so many scene, scene with manipulation attempts that most of the time succeeded, when they were not made from Bella herself, at least. Even her own father is in on the manipulation game againdt his own daughter, i concede, he doesn't love her very much. At least not more than Jake or Billy. Why? Because this daughter has been nearly beaten to death by his son-in-law, and he knew it, and stiƶl he brought him up in conversation telling Bella she HAD TO ADMIT that her abuser hadn't been such a baf guy when not drunk. This is abuse in itself, it is maipulative of her father, and it is cruel. Always, the women should be always empathetic, especially the heroine of a story, to make her likeably to audiences, even though it's not only often unrealistic, but puts her in the same spot als Jesus, like she has to suffer from injustice with pride! She has to turn the other cheek. This is really common. why? Because she is a girl! Female protagonists are often displayee as pushover empathetic, shy, WEAK, because men LOVE women that way. Oh no honey, not real love, even if they tell you that, but possessive mentality. It has nothing to do with real love, Has never, and WILL NEVER. The women loved by man who are only capable of this kind of love will always be viewed as objects by them, there to fullfill their needs, not as a person. This is was happened to Bella here, even if she tried to at least verbally stand her ground. Her loose to decide over the course of her own life, time and time again, makes this all the more a depressing story. Want more reason why I think that way? Billy. He manipulated her, when she was a mental mess, by the sea. He told her that the alcohol was to blame. Which is nothing more than a sad excuse. Alcohol is an inanimate object. It needs an intention (and action) to get to your mouth. Then he told her about the "beast in men" which is nothing more than a sad excuse to manipulate her, too. It says nothing more than hey, my son isn't fully responsible for what he did to you, even though he was an adult and he knew you trusted him since childhood, no, instead bad bad alcohol and his bad bad male hunter instincts are to blame. Honey, sorry to bring this to you, but that bulls**t . And I am sure you know it, but still, you made it seem in this storylike this was a legitimate excuse! He abused Bella, because on some level he wanted to abuse Bella, because she was weak and he had the power to do it, because this is the way abusers are thinking. He even said to her before she jumped from the cliff the words "always and weak". Regardless, in my opinion she was not weak when she jumped from the cliff. No. It was her one last free moment before she became a lovesick puppy to Edward and before she thought that her action to protect herself from further harm could land her up in hell, when there really was no other way she could conciously see, in which she would survive her last encounter as a human with Jake. It could be even argued that it was less than self defense because she choose death. She never harmed him even though he wanted to harm her, mostly maybe ecause she knew she had no change. But still. You make it seem like it could bring you to hell if you not suffer through everything that is thrown at you, indifferent if it is fair or not. In fiction, this is especially true for women. Especially if they are the protagonist. I know you put effort and thought into her characterization; making her not a virgin at 26! ( if you read fanfiction you know a lot of peole would pull that one even at that kind of age) And not acting like a shallow wallflower to sexual relations (in this day and age and at that age? It's just unrealistic).. but still.. you made the people in her sphere react so tipycally misogynist to her. Example? alice calling Bella bitch after she was changed and telling Bella her should feel thankful! That is manipulation and putting the blame elsewhere, while she
reprimends Bella to shrink of the level of " just her role as a female her brother likes". All the while claiming that she loves Bella. haha. No. Bella, poor, lovely thing with all the wrong people who claimed to love her, but never actually did. What did she had realistically for a choice in the end? She never really did. All very deterministic but in the end she could 't even decide about her own death. Her ultimate choice, her lone last choice. before she became Edwards minion, that is. Her will... Is not her own anymore. Her love for Edward is born of the love for his "hotness", superficial, and also by the need to give her existence a new meaning. You don't believe me? She took Jake back for the same reason; because she can't be alone and maybe feels worthless without someone else to care for. This is an easy way to make women feel, to manipulate them further. You change them into addicts. Craving nearness, because you make them thing they are so flawed. It's push and pull. Read it up, it's all over the internet.
Nevertheless, i know you wanted to make your heroine not a tipycally chliched and thus boring replica of the same and same, again. It is not, that I didn't see your effort. It is just that I think you failed in the grand sheme: I know you tried to stay true to major plotpoints, and only abandonned the ones you couldn't fit into your more rational mind now that you are out of "puperty", but still, Bellas fate is almost thesame as the original one:She is safed by others, she is put into danger by the same others, and she still thinks it is her respinsibility to love them, because they claimed to have acted out of love. It doesn't even matter, in the end, if it was for her love. And it never was. Not Alice ( acted for Edward) . Not Esme (acted for Edward). Not Jasper (acted for Edward). Not her father (acted for Jake -this ex son-in law at the end; who, as far as he knows, brought his daughter to fake her own suicide, because he had hurt her in the past and promised to kill her shortly before her "disappearance".) Now. In the end, what did Bella really have for a choice? She had nothing. She was a vampire and if she has does not has the strengh to bring others to kill her, which i would never blame her fore because that seems to be a kind of death full of pain, then she will have learn to cope how to live forever. in the end, she has no choice but to fall in love with Edward. Otherwise her life would seem at lot more depressing, at least to her, because, she lost her human family, her city, her pupils, her "childhood lover", all in one night. Self-deceit is sometimes the one thing ich can help as cope, and mostly the worst crime we punishoursselves with on our self.
cullenlover88 chapter 8 . 9/24/2015
nice story
NeonEnigma88 chapter 8 . 7/3/2013
That was beautiful and I enjoyed reading it. Keep writing!
twilightwoods27 chapter 8 . 6/17/2013
Loved it!...great ending ;)
Daggers4U chapter 2 . 3/13/2012
Ohhh...that would be creepy!

Was Mr. Masen Edwards father in this story? Or did u just use the name?
folm chapter 5 . 7/29/2011
WHAT! Oh Bella, asking your abusive ex to move in with you after having sex with a vampire? Now that its written down plainly on paper you can see what a bad idea it was, right?

(PS Good story:)
folm chapter 4 . 7/29/2011
okay, I was all ready to review, wondering if Jake is a wolf, etc, then you ended with the visual of wet Edward in a towel. Umm, I can't think right now...
folm chapter 3 . 7/29/2011
Edward is a bit of a sad sack, to be honest...but Alice rocks!

I laughed out loud when she came in without invite & told Bella she watched too much TV!

Good for Bella- I like her independence.
folm chapter 2 . 7/29/2011
Loved the line, "Edward is a whole level of crazy that I just don't need"- good intuition. Excellent that Rosalie laughs!

But Bella IS attracted to him...

I'm willing to break your jaw if you call her that again...he says softly! Love it

Was Edward her teacher...or was her teacher the Edward's Dad?
folm chapter 1 . 7/29/2011
Liked the description of Edward as a boy who dropped his ice cream- that was very good!

Also agree, Charlie (as Billy Burke w/o tache) is handsome ;)

So the dupport group is for battered partners...WHy is Edward there?

Like the story- it was recommended on a different forest blog.
Kree-on-toast chapter 8 . 4/25/2011
aawww it's that warm fuzzy happy ending...

eewww u let that dog slobber on her gross! LOL

i totally hate dogs... at least james and Icky got their end... tho... what happened to Laurent?
Kree-on-toast chapter 7 . 4/25/2011
will she ever learn?

you can't run away and let sleazeball james get you without alice and jazzy close by LOL
Kree-on-toast chapter 6 . 4/22/2011
hmmm i think i missed a chapter review in there somewhere...

LOL...

so i was talking to a friend the other day... turns out I'm not the only crazy one around here after all :P
Kree-on-toast chapter 4 . 4/22/2011
damn that evil little pixie! can a rip apart the nasty tempered mutt?
Kree-on-toast chapter 3 . 4/22/2011
LMAO... a killer to get rid of the damn mutt... HAHAHAHA...

i love your wacky mind hon, don't ever change :P
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