|Reviews for The Thirteenth Floor|
| Rexan chapter 7 . 1/19
"Time travel, I was told. Running across the Universe. A gap year in space! I can't help but notice, Doctor, you sort of left out the bit where I get arrested."
Ahahahaha, because hearing that totally makes the police think these guys are sane! (Then again, they're in NY. Not uncommon to find weirdos.)
"Police Officers" doesn't need to be capitalized – "Police," maybe. Only when talking about a specific department and group of officers, though. I think. Some rule like that.
You use gerunds (words ending with –ing) after quotes a lot. Like:
"I'm saying something!" Generic Man shouted, waving his hands in the air.
Sometimes they're okay, other times not. A gerund after a quote implies the person talking did that action as they talked. So, what bothered me was one point when you wrote
"I don't understand," said Ryan, swallowing as his eyes roamed across the chilling sight before him.
A person – maybe with the exception of ventriloquists – can't swallow and talk at the same time. So, watch where you use gerunds.
"I don't understand," said Ryan. He swallowed as his eyes roamed across the chilling sight before him.
would probably work fine and also kill some sentence-structure monotony. :D
On a different note, the Zaubern, especially with the Doctor's comment about the billions of siblings, reminded me of the alien from the episode titled Fear Her – the lonely alien that crash-landed on Earth and put people into drawings, most notably the crowd from the 2012 Olympics, to keep her company.
It seemed like a lot of what the Doctor says after seeing the alien for the first time is a mash of lines from canon episodes. It's always a bit awkward to find line-mashes in fanfics, I think. I don't know how to fix that, really. Just pointing it out.
Chapter 6 was a beautiful and sad one, like the moments most Doctor Who stories seem to have. Good writing.
"saved my ass" doesn't feel like a line from DW. ._. I could be wrong, though. Someone coulda said it at one point.
"his head seen to by a paramedic."
…Confused me. P:
And that's the review for this fic! On to the other two! Thanks for writing! :D
| doctor-who-addiction chapter 6 . 6/23/2013
That was brilliant! It's well written and also hurt my feelings so well done!
| Rexan chapter 1 . 5/1/2013
I'm a dirty liar. I have no idea how "read your other DW fanfic tomorrow" turned into "start reading your other DW fanfic in seven months." Anywho, I'm back (and you probably don't remember me, anyway; I'm just egotistical :D) and hopefully I'll get through it.
The start to this fanfiction honestly wasn't as exciting as I remember your last one ('cept I don't think that one started too exciting, either), so I'm looking forward to the later chapters to see how it ends up. I'm wondering if we're going to see the Aniline again/find out what happened to them, 'cause the mystery of what happened to their sun is the whole reason you got me hooked on your stories. I'm exited to get further in the story!
I'd also like to add the beginning of your story with the drunk girl has quite a few "but"s, so it got a bit tiring to read. Just being nitpicky here, though I think you could take a look at it.
it was a few second
ringing out again,
It's light fell
Ryan looked at him, leaning against the door frame and smirking at Ryan.
1") it was a few seconds
2") ringing out again.
3") Its light fell
4) This one doesn't have a typo, but when I read the sentence the first time, I pictured Ryan leaning against the door frame. Then my brain got jumbled when it realized Ryan couldn't smirk at Ryan. So, some subject disagreement with your comma-extension.
Wow. Sorry. This review is... cross? Hm. Just looked it over and I seem really cranky. Sorry about that. Hopefully my reviews on later chapters won't be so awful. ._.'
| Silly person chapter 1 . 4/21/2013
Oh gosh, okay today I was talking with someone about Doctor Who and couldn't figure out why they couldn't remember this episode... Um well I guess I forgot this fic was not an actual episode since there were many parts I could picture so well. I just had to share that...
| Seraphina Greene chapter 7 . 4/18/2013
Lovely, lovely, lovely! You'be got me following this series, for sure! As a random side note, Sera's first child, a daughter, is called Emmaline "Emma" Greene. So essentially, she's the mayor. XD
Thanks again, Seraphina Greene
| KatieTheBaka chapter 7 . 1/25/2013
STOP MAKING ME READ THESE AWESOME STORIES!
I need to work on a school project, but your stories are just SITTING THERE, being too AWESOME to ignore! It's rather annoying! Gosh!
| KatieTheBaka chapter 1 . 1/25/2013
Gosh, I want to hate you, but I can't! The 13th floor idea is exactly what I was going to do for one of my episodes of Doctor Who fanfiction, so I can't do it now that I've seen this, but I'm strangely okay with that. You know why? Because I know, after reading "The Last Day," that it's gonna be EPIC! :)
| GreatRedBeard chapter 7 . 1/13/2013
Another great story.
| musicis4ever chapter 7 . 7/3/2012
I really wish I'd gotten this out sooner, but this needs to be an episode of DW. Like yesterday! Sucks that it isn't... yet ;)
ANYWAY... Fantastic job, like always, and I can't wait for the next part! I'm seriously in love with this story! by the way, great Crossover! :D
| tigerlily124 chapter 7 . 1/12/2012
Nicely done! Thank you for a good story and a novel concept too!
| DragonRidingSorceress chapter 7 . 10/23/2011
"Is that like a regular occurrence with the Doctor_?_"
"I mean, that you're the only one left_?_"
Still feel like coming along for the ride_?_"
You were having some trouble with question marks this chapter, weren't you?
Good story. I look forward to the next. I'll be starting on 'That Which Holds the Image' soon, too. Looking forward to it, although I must admit that the idea of Angels at Hogwarts fills me with a certain trepidation.
| DragonRidingSorceress chapter 6 . 10/23/2011
That's why _it's_ dark up there.
_It's_ past its expiry date.
Yes, _it's_ dangerous, and scary.
It's it is
Its belonging to it
"blank eyes" should probably read "eyes blank"
After all, your species couldn't _bear_ to be away from their native planet for very long.
They don't _breathe_ that emotion like your race does.
You possibly meant that to read "feed off"? "Breathe off" really doesn't make sense, and "breath off" doesn't mean anything at all.
| DragonRidingSorceress chapter 5 . 10/23/2011
Mayor Emma Greene_,_ who at the age of 37 was both the youngest and first female Mayor in the city's history_,_ walked into her historic office armed with one simple question. (You could also use dashes here, but not semi-colons.)
The office, _containing_ six of her official advisors as well as a propped up map of Manhattan, went quiet.
"jail worthy" should be hyphenated.
"Your Honour" should probably be capitalised when being used as a form of address.
The Mayor raised her chin and kept her face neutral. "I don't know what _you're_ talking about," she said, with her best poker face.
How many times have 'higher authorities' _come_ in here and cut you out of the picture?
She stood up from her chair and stared at all four men in front _of her_, stopping when she came to the Doctor.
He sent a look of pure hatred _toward_ Frankie, Ryan and the Doctor, who smiled and waved at him as he was dragged out of the office.
There were barricades at the _very_ end of the street, where guards were tasked with keeping the public back.
Big enough to fool even me, and I'm _nobody's_ fool.
"I'm sorry," the Mayor interjected, "Ryan, have you met Sarah? Sarah this is Ryan. Maybe you two can go out on a date. When the world isn't ending!"
This line was completely expected, and terribly amusing. Well timed.
| DragonRidingSorceress chapter 4 . 10/23/2011
The Doctor shook his head. "_You're_ missing the bigger question."
"Now then," he said. "If guests come to this floor and never leave, I think _it's_ safe to assume that these doors have something to do with where they go."
| StrawberryPajamas chapter 7 . 9/18/2011
wow. I am completely blown away by your storytelling abilities (and i dont often say that! lol) this story as well as The Last Day have had me completely enamored from the start. I've found that most people's OC stories with the Doctor turn out to be a lame excuse for the author to put themselves in the show, but your character Ryan totally isn't like that - it's a refreshing change, believe me!
I love how in-character the Doctor is ('really long scarves are cool' that line totally made my life! lol) and i really love how you don't tend to make your characters, for lack of a better phrase, "unnecessarily attractive". (looks can be distracting -even in stories!) They're not shallow i guess is what i'm trying to get across... :)
Anywho, in closing of this super-long review - great job! I very much enjoyed this story, and i'm looking forward to the next one in the series!:)