|Reviews for My Red and Black Guardian|
| Dokuganryu chapter 7 . 6/20/2013
Shadow's way too ooc [out of character] , his agonizing past, his wall of emotions, his hesitance to accept another into his life, all that should be summarized and put into words, like Blaze struggling against him, his lack of care and feeling. His antisocial persona would make this a better, more riveting and suspenseful story, in my opinion though.
| Lost and Forgotten Memories chapter 21 . 5/21/2013
Lightning, Lightning, lightning. Where do I start? Let me just say what I like about it. The title and the summary have to be my favorite part of the story.
Now that that's out of my system, let me start on all the cons shall we? From the top.
1. Your summary and title don't fit the story AT ALL. Your summary and title suggest that Blaze and Shadow fall in love DURING the story (Not the beginning) and it's only Shadow and Blaze. Your story shows that Shadow just about gave up guarding Blaze and now just watches her as Lightning does all the work.
2. There was only romance between Shadow and Blaze in chapters 2 - 8, afterwards they show little to no love (Exception to chapter 15.)
3. I don't like how you added so many OCs. One, two, maybe three are ok, but 7 is too much.(I'm even not sure that 7 is enough.)
4. Lightning takes Shadow's position as the second most important character, Blaze being the first.
5. Lightning seems overly powerful, and he is taking up most of the story; along with the other OCs.
6. During the story you said Shadow wanted to take Blaze to the ARK so they could be safe, but it seems that he forgot about the idea after they confronted Lightning. Why? That would have made the story so much better (And more epic if you thought of something like someone finding them there and... you get it.)
7. You everybody DRAMATICALLY OOC. I mean, really, Blaze crying over Lightnings "sad" history, hugging Lightning, being rude to Cream, and acting like a complete wimp are a few of the thing you got wrong about Blaze ALONE.
8. Your punctuation is... Well, needs improving. You need to use more commas.
9. You always, ALWAYS capitalize the first word anybody says.
10. The constant flashbacks were unneeded. If we wanted to know what happened in the previous chapters, we would look.
11. The romance was rushed and short lived.
12. Why is Blaze even thinking about having a brother-in-law, SHE'S ONLY 14!
13. Did this happen before or after "My New Family"? Or is that an alternate universe?
14. The battle music is just cheesy and distracting. If you want to put a battle in your story, describe the battle and NOT the music.
15. A secret base? Really? What doesn't he have or what can't he do?
16. Your lack of description makes all the scenic guess work.
17. Maria being alive? Are you serious? What? How? Why?
18. The Shadow/Blaze/Silver triangle is a little clique don't you think? and the Maria/Shadow/Blaze triangle I see forming is not going to be that grand. (That right, I saw it coming.)(And that's the first time I've seen a triangle like that.)
19. Not only does Shadow have brother, he has two sisters. What next, Espio is really his great grandson's aunt's cousin-in-law.
20. How does Lightning now about Maria anyway? He didn't grow up on the ARK.
21. How old are they? If Lightning remembers his sisters when they were 18, how old does that make him? Or anyone else for that matter.
22. Why would anyone listen to Eggman anyway? How are they sure that if they catch Blaze he will give them their money? Or that it's not part of his evil scheme?
23. WHERE. IS. IT. GOING?
You may find some of these offensive, you may find some helpful. Regardless, I have made my point. I will keep an eye out and see if it improves, but until them my review stays. (You asked for a review, you got one.)
I hope someone will understand my points.
| KageUzu chapter 21 . 3/29/2013
*facepalms* sorry i finished the fight scene at the end of last month but it was writed so stiff. Then everytime i edited it, it was had somehow destroied at least one house...i over estimated the serum...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, like the song and the fight inbetween it. Although i had orginally thought the ox had came later to 'clean up'. An idea would be Phantom take over some major city.
| Guest chapter 21 . 3/26/2013
Hahaha I love it when lighting turns around and flips off silver hahaha funny :D
| Guest chapter 21 . 3/26/2013
I like this story a lot please continue :)
| Double Dee Dee chapter 21 . 3/25/2013
Copying musical lyrics that are not in the public domain is against FanFiction's rules and guidelines.
Actions not allowed:
(3) Copying from a previously published work (including musical lyrics) not in the public domain.
Either remove the lyrics or transfer this story to a different website like AO3, tumblr, DeviantArt, etc unless you want to run the risk of being reported and your story removed by the admins.
Also, you are in dire need of getting a beta-reader to check your grammatical errors. There is a huge lack of correct punctuation, capitalization,...and it's just doesn't look pretty.
| KageUzu chapter 20 . 11/26/2012
Wow...didn't expect that ending at all. Also love the fight scene,and the song. Lastly, Silver you poor hedgehog...
| KageUzu chapter 19 . 11/22/2012
Shame ghost is not there with his little sister. Now I know not to copy...
| KageUzu chapter 18 . 11/20/2012
What the guest said
| Guest chapter 18 . 11/18/2012
A force field?
A lot of times
Gobal chaos restiace. Also new Ghost's Memory
| KageUzu chapter 17 . 11/8/2012
Plot seems to have thickened a lot. This is story that can only have been made by a boss. Also thanks for the advertising. The story is really a extra to yours. Despite the annoying yet humorous flames I'll post the next chapter whenever I can. I would now but I'm using a phone...
| KageUzu chapter 16 . 11/8/2012
Bravo. The first Lightning fight and it was beyond epic. Can't wait till they fight more people. I'm happy for two chapters in on day.
Brock the Ox. A giant ox that posses hulk like power and toughness. Does have a smart guy as normal form. Awakened from fear,pain and anger. Brock's giant form is unbeliviably stupid and often used by smarter villians.
Disease the hedgehog. Was a blue hedgehog but after stumbling on Phantom when he was trying to preform a ritual. His interuption casued both of them to become monsters. He is dark green hedgehog that bring disease and erodsion to anything he touches or touches him.
| Guest chapter 16 . 11/8/2012
I like the story and would enjoy a chrismas bit. Another thing is that I think you should check for typo. Some typos make me want to throw a dictionary at you. Over all its a great story and I will continue to read as you update it
| KageUzu chapter 15 . 11/7/2012
I would like a christmas speaical. And I think your veiwers are suffering from someone-else-is-going-to-review disorder. I can give two OCs now and if none give a third that one too. The first is Suzy the Bat. She has a crush on Ghost that she keeps a deep secert. She is very fit and good looking and has the power to stop someone from using their powers. Only she knows this and can't completely control it. She looks like a brown Rouge and her distant cousin.
A villain is Ventress the Bat another good looking cousin of Rouge. She is green. She envys Suzy and has a huge crush on Ghost going to lengths as to kill people just to catch his eye. She like a super fan girl and can control wind.
Are you a mind reader? You pretty much described his orgin story.
| KageUzu chapter 14 . 11/6/2012
Ummm another villain is Phantom the fox. He's a grey fox with no mouth and completely black eyes. He has power over shadows and can blend in with then. He has the ability to posses someone by shadow. The sigh that their possed is their eyes being competely black. He is a childhood friend of Ghost got black magic made him a monster.
I hope I'm not the only one giving OCs