|Reviews for Missing Some Obvious Signs|
| SebastienMichaelis'sdaughter chapter 1 . 2/10/2013
This was really good...i liked it
| xsunny15x chapter 1 . 8/30/2012
I love Kairi, Tifa and Selphie in this fanfic! lol! They're so evil ;P I loved the part where they left Aqua alone at the table! :D
| CU Administration chapter 1 . 5/10/2011
Thank you for requesting that Critics United review your story. I hope that this review will help you with your writing.
So far your writing style is very easy to fall into. It flows well and you don't have the choppy sentence issue I see often in writing.
I love the way you described Aqua's favorite restaurant. It was just enough without being overly bearing so great job on that.
I will say though that you are a bit comma happy and that is starting to turn your sentences choppy because I keep pausing for every comma. Some places the commas weren't needed like with this piece:
Suddenly, they were, once again, discussing Aqua's current status, or, with other words: the fact that she was the only one in their group that was still single.
A better flowing way:
Suddenly they were, once again, discussing Aqua's current status, or with other words: the fact that she was the only one in their group that was still single.
I could read that much better with less commas in there so just watch that a little closer.
I love romance, but the talk about guys and squealing over them got a bit old after about halfway through got a bit dry. Aqua seems a lot more mature than the other girls which I'm sure was your intention, but the others are getting a bit annoying. IF that was your intention then yout're doing a great job lol.
You gave some good description on the restaurant, but you didn't give any characterization on the girls. You didn't describe how they look at all and with Zack, you gave some, but I feel more could be given.
This may be a oneshot, but it's still missing some compotents every story should have, one being a conflict. Just because it's a short story doesn't mean there shouldn't be a problem that is presented and is solved. Aqua being single doesn't quite count as an issue. Hope this helps you!
[Founder of Critics United ]
| bt 3drB7GT chapter 1 . 4/28/2011
OMG CLOUD WAS OOC! NUUUUUUUUUUU!
| Random Reviewer 21 chapter 1 . 4/25/2011
Two thumbs up, keep up the good work.
| Razor Goto chapter 1 . 4/22/2011
| OneWingedHeron53 chapter 1 . 4/18/2011
This was amusing, even though I don't read much AU fics.
I would like a sequel and maybe more of this pairing...maybe I should take a crack at it.
| Sunlance chapter 1 . 4/17/2011
This is amazing! I'm actually at a loss for words, although theres not much more I can say other than repeating the fact that it's brilliant and entertaining, and it's not just the humour I'm talking about. The romance between Coud and Aqua was well written. I definately saw sparks flying!
| Gr4Yr4iN chapter 1 . 4/16/2011
I'd say this is good, but you'd already know that from all the awesome reviews you get in your other stories.
So, I'm just gonna say this: AWESOME/Hillarious/ePiC!
I know I'm not really into romance and lovey-dovey stuff, but this really goes into my 'likes' list.
~Grayrain(what else did you think my pen-name meant? :P)
| MonMonCandie chapter 1 . 4/15/2011
I absolutely LOVED this! Oh my gosh, you have no idea how entertaining this idea is. XD I love how Aqua's friends were setting up the opportunity for Cloud to come over and talk to her. LOL Aqua panicking... I see it happening! And yay! I can't write to see a sequel! And the job... I think I may have an idea. LOL Great job! Going straight to my favorites! :)