|Reviews for One Day|
| Guest chapter 2 . 11/5/2013
when's chapter 4 going to be posted
| Guest chapter 3 . 6/19/2013
| Anonymous chapter 3 . 7/24/2012
| EpicExplosions chapter 2 . 6/29/2012
Thornclaw is a boy
| Ally the AEssir Princess chapter 3 . 1/6/2012
Hi. Rosekit sounds cool. Very well done. I like your fan fic. Interesting and captivateing. Update soon ! Plzz i love this fic so far! Plzz for a first time fic writer!
| SOUTHERNERS RULEZ chapter 3 . 8/27/2011
tis story is great
| Violetsong chapter 3 . 8/27/2011
hey it's Fawnpaw on my other other Account! Well when i got a new laptop it wouldnt let me on Fawnpaw and Lolzkitty dor some random reason so i made this account. Blah :P Well i love this story and WORK ON UR OTHER STORIES TOO! Ya so um yea erm bye!
| hitheerrrr chapter 3 . 8/27/2011
gosh c-n y wouldnt any1 review on this u dint have 2 beg theyll come slowly but theyll come just believe and keep writing oh and b4 u think im a stalker cuz i no ur name im pa-ta
| hitheerrrr chapter 2 . 8/27/2011
3 the story so far xept i didnt really get the tag part oh and gues who i am...! i Liked it better when sandstorm was mean and she kicked her out ... if u do that in the future again thats great if not... then do something even better!
| Amber342 chapter 1 . 7/31/2011
Hey, I never read the last one but I'm excited to see how good this is going to be. I promise you that I will leave super long reviews, insult you on everything you did wrong, make you very happy when you do something right, and, of course, be very loyal if you update :) I review as I read btw, so it may be choppy.
Alright, first paragraph. 'dark, gloomy room. The room was a haunting black.' Repetitive and doesn't tell you hardly anything. What could you barely make out in the room? I know that you can see something because you huddled closer to ginger fur.
'I opened my eyes again, remembering the scary scene from before.. I squeaked in happiness. The pitch black room went away.' Fisrt, I would rearrange the sqeaking in happiness and the black going away, because it's confusing when the character squeaks in happiness after remembering the scary scene from before. And second, 'pitch black' is a major, major cliche. Do you even know what 'pitch' is?
Ooh, okay, little confusing with the opening and closing of the eyes and the littermate. I'm very glad that you know that when kittens first open their eyes they are always blue :)
Interesting that the kit doesn't know his own mother...
'We bowed our heads sorry.' We bowed our heads in apology? We nodded our apology?
"Rosekit, her attitude is sometimes harsh, but protection is greater, her fur is as beautiful as a rose, and her heart makes your mind racing." First, errors. Change to: "Rosekit. Her attitude is sometimes harash, but protection is greater. Her fur is as beautiful as a rose, and her heart makes your mind race." Also, Firestar is at the extreme with preferring Rosekit over the others. Third, if he knows that her that well to know that her attitude is harsh and her heart makes your mind race, wouldn't she know who her mother was?
I'll read the next chap tomorrow. Sorry if I was too harsh. I always am. *bangs head against wall*
| Violetsong chapter 2 . 7/19/2011
| Satan Abraham chapter 1 . 4/17/2011
This is good. :)