|Reviews for Clannad Misadventures and Side Stories|
| xFlipJamsx chapter 2 . 10/30/2014
Please update the story
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/6/2012
I loved it! It was soooo cute x
| Ami chapter 1 . 6/16/2011
For your first fanfic, this was good. In some parts, however, they seemed to be rushed or rather empty.. That's probably not the best words. You didn't add enough details in certain parts. Take advantage of those parts. Also, there were some grammar mistakes. I don't claim to be perfect when it comes to grammar though! :P
Something just felt missing in my opinion, but you will become a better writer as you write more.
| KaiAvaronWrites chapter 1 . 6/3/2011
Let me start out by saying this is really cute and has so much potential!
But her are some tips:
Paragraphing- There are some spots where you could group more sentences together. It makes it appear less choppy.
Add more detail! Detail adds so much to a story!
Again, great job! Writing, like most things, just takes practice.
| InfinityPuddle chapter 1 . 4/20/2011
Detail is a good thing!
The drabbles idea is fine and all, but I would suggest adding detail and avoiding POV marks. Also, watch how you format conversations. The correct way is below.
"Tomoya-kun," Nagisa said in her ever so light voice.
And add detail to what they feel instead if a single word.
Hope this helps and I'll be stalking this story!
| chromate chapter 1 . 4/20/2011
Nice start for your first fic! Quite light-hearted to read and easy to catch on. I'd say the weaker point of the fic is that there involves too many dialogues. Not that dialogues are bad, but a good fic will also describe more on character's feelings and the environment they're in. For example:
"I closed my eyes and moved closer to Nagisa. She moved closer to me. So close I could feel her sweat breath caressing my face.
I couldn't take it anymore so I closed the gap, quicker than I should've.
Catching her completely off guard our lips were pressed together. She tasted sweet.
I wanted her first kiss to be a good one so I held her across the waist as her hands moved around my neck.
I though this moment would never end, our tongues were touching, I could tell you everything she ate today."
You separate one single scene into five paragraphs. Now don't get me wrong as I'm not saying it's wrong to do so. It's perfectly right, but if I were you I'd expand more on their feelings and (possible) emotional struggles, and maybe describe their action by using more descriptive adjectives to make the scene more 'movie-like', in a sense.
Also, I notice that your punctuation marks sometimes come before the comma, as in - Last time I checked, kissing didn't involve a shoe to the head with Akio san screaming", hands off punk!". Try to be more aware of that.
I'm aware that you intend for this to be a drabble only, but drabble could also be a fruitful one with both attractive conversations and scene description. Try read different fics of various genres/anime and you'll see how some people can gasp that balance perfectly.
Hopefully you don't mind my long rambling. It's always good to see new writers joining the fanfic community and I do look forward to seeing you update this fic! Keep it up and update soon!