|Reviews for Three fathers|
| Hawki chapter 3 . 6/10/2012
This chapter is different from the others. There's distinct pros to it, distinct cons to it and...other stuff that I'm not sure how to classify. What makes it harder is that the pros and cons stem from the same source for the most part.
What makes this chapter good is that we get character development for Blaise. He's still an arsehole, but at least his emotional development is...well, developing by virtue of him falling for Mandy. I'll take this opportunity to give you kudos for using canon characters only mentioned as far as I know, with her and Emma. It's a touch I appreciate.
Moving back to Blaise though, the Achiles heel in this development is that it isn't really followed up on. It comes in at the last chapter, and I'm left wondering whether he'll change, or remain an arse. The ending kind of implies the latter, but I feel another chapter would have helped the development arc.
There's something else I wish to address. For everything I've brought up so far, this chapter, and the ones before it, have been good. They've been short, but to the point. Quick in, quick out (no, that's not a pun in light of the developments of this chapter) and hits the reader hard. A sign of good writing. This chapter however, was something else. And I could boil it down to a single line...
"She hates me because I strung her cousin Emma Dobbs along, bedded her and left her broken-hearted."
Going by book info, Emma is three years younger than Blaise. And at the latest (1998-latter year of Deathly Hallows), he’d be about 18, with her 15. Not sure how they ended up bedding, given I assume they’re in different houses, but…crap, even at the maximum age…it’s cold. It’s cruel. It’s even below legal consent. It’s twisted…and despite my shock when I looked up the age difference, I couldn’t help but admire you for being so cold in this regard. Or making Blaise so cold that he’d do that to a minor.
I may be making a mountain out of a molehill here, but I feel it was the knockout punch to a punch-styled story, if that makes sense. Anyway, pedantics aside, good story-short sections, but each were worth their while.
| Hawki chapter 2 . 6/10/2012
-"No I don't think I'll bother. I hated him, he hated me, end of."
Should the end be "end of story?"
-Anyway, good entry again.
| Hawki chapter 1 . 6/10/2012
-"To be honest, I'm less worried about going to Hogwart's..."
"Hogwart's" needs to lose the apostrophe.
-Short, but I like the intro. Interesting take on Blaise, how at the age of eleven, he already seems to have murder on the mind...
| sydneysages chapter 3 . 5/6/2012
Hahaha, that was quite flawless.
I love the way that Blaise was just a prat right the way through, and how you put about a curse being on his mum; that was awesome! ;)
" If he'd still been in their," should be "there" but I really loved this, and then the way that Blaise ended his diary entries, "this is blaise zabini, signing out"!
| Laura Scofield chapter 3 . 4/13/2012
Interesting insight into Blaise, I liked the language you used to give him a unique voice. I liked the bit of drama the capital letters added, it worked well and didn't feel over the top :)
| loretta537 chapter 2 . 9/2/2011
this is interesting
| alieboo chapter 2 . 7/29/2011
Haha, I know its sick to laugh at the way he died but the way you discribed it, was funny! "He suffered a broomstick malfunction". I love the way you tie in the fact that Ms. Zabini changed husbands like we change underwear! You even put your own twist on it! Great Job! :D
| alieboo chapter 1 . 7/29/2011
I'm sorry! Really. D:
Anyways, I really like the way you get deep into Blaise's life and feelings in this one. You really got into the character.
On to the next...
| MissAllieMae chapter 2 . 5/31/2011
I like it. haha he died from falling of a broom. I like the part about the different ways he could morn. The "impure blood" description was a good way to show Blaise's pureblood status.
| MissAllieMae chapter 1 . 5/31/2011
very nice. Interesting way to portary Blaise, and how upper class people take to chores and work.
| Laura Scofield chapter 1 . 4/22/2011
Nice take on Blaise's character! I love how you explore different characters :D I like how you kept this humourous, but there are hints of stronger issues going on.