|Reviews for KR X KR Sultan & Chaos : Movie War Crystal|
| Alchemy student chapter 4 . 3/18
Your fic has some excellent writing and grammer, and that is all I can say that is good about it.
I am glad that you admit in your last author note that you think this story is too anti-SM because this shows that yo admit to its many...many...MANY flaws. The anti-SM part is one of them. Because, you assume way to much and make up stuff just to get your story across while making your characters look good.
Sadly, looking good is all your charaters can do because they are very flat. They lack personality, development, and a relatable backstory. Sultan has one feature, you killed my father. Well, what else is there to him? What does he like, who is he, what is his traits, and how does he react to other people around him. Why does he love his father so much? Details like this are important to a character and as it is, he just comes off as a sterotypical, "MY parents are dead" vigilante without any of Batman's cunning and inner heart, Punishers conempt for his life, or Spider-man's wit and personality. He come off as bland and just boring. The same can be said of Chaos, who has a backstory so forgetable that I can't even remember it. And Chronos comes off as a guy you made up on the fly just so you can find one last senshi to bash on your way out.
And that is the story's biggest and greatest flaw, the bashing makes no sense if you had read or watched ONE episode of the show. Sultan talks about killing innocents, when? In the entire series the outers killed only two of their friends and that was because they knew they could bring them back. They had problems with killign them in spite of the mission. There were a lot of gret scenes where they were worried ABOUT taking the lives of other, but never killing. Also, "Hunt for the heart crystals?" I thought they wre looking for the talismans all of this time, but silly me I guess I was wrong about my favorite arc. Also, Sultan's backstory makes no sense they took too long for the crystal? Since when did it have a time limit? Minako survived 30 minutes without her crystal and found time to kick some monster booty. But I guess this means that Sultan's dad is just too weak in compariosn to the awesome senshi.
Then we get to the whole crystal tokyo bullshit. But, before I start, where is Saturn? I would think that the girl who has just watched her best friend get imprisoned and her mom and dad badly beaten would be on a roaring rampage of revenge. Congradulations Chaos, you just had Saturn nuke the whole planet because you had a big ego. But wait, having her attack would mean that this guy would tell us his sad backstory, wich was borning as ever. But wait, there's more! His powers came not from the cauldron at the center of the universe a in the cannon, but from the nega-moon clan. Wow, didn't know the DARK moon clan hasd such power, thought they were mainly pawns of Wiseman. But I guess the guy who has seeen the entire series is wrong. Then he wins with little to no effort. Oh, he gets a little tiny bruise, but that is just make sure that he isn't called a gary-stu. Sadly, no, he still i because he is too overpowered. You want to make me not belive that? Then have him get a broken leg, or bleeding, or soemthing that is severe rather than a little injury that can slow him down. Because, as it stands, nothing is seperating him from the countless other Kamen Rider gary-stus that I have seen in the countless otehr anti-Sailor moon ics of its caliber.
Then we get to Chrono who is ticked off at Setsune for 'abusing the time gates'
Where or when did she do that? Please use cannon and a good explination in order for me, the reader, to see that. Because as written, all I see is an evil being who came in and took over the sensshi's of time rule because he wants to make the world what he wants and no nody else. Add onto this fact, he mentions o" other planets". Hey, bbudd...you want to go ater a real threat like say, Galaxia or Berly? Please, that would be nice, thank you. But nope, we are supposed to take this twit's word for it that Setsuna abused her power, somehow.
Also, this thing is insulting to us W fans. Why? Because Shotaro and Ryu who (By the way, can't help but notice Ryu didn't have much to say about the whole 'being too severe in your methods' bit. Why was that?) are very staunch supporters of the legall system, would never NEVER let a criminal get away with what he done.
In the end, you are a good writer, and with great potienal. But please, try not to write an anti fic in the future and try to guv us OCs to care about. As it stands, I could care less about this story and these riders.
| mark3232 chapter 4 . 6/21/2012
The name Youma is only used in the first Sailor Moon manga and anime.
Another crossover fic turning the Senshi, and Pluto in particular, into villains, which is done as usual by ignoring the canon and inventing things.
| Genericrandom chapter 2 . 6/1/2012
While I can appreciate the desire to forge a Rider of your own, knocking off another Rider's catchphrase? Even if you'd had a legitimate reason it would have pretty much been enough to turn me off of reading the story right there. Maybe, just /maybe/ if Akiko had been "Sultan" I'd have given it a pass but... one of the awesome things about Riders is how individual they are while maintaining a formula. I'd recommend going back to the drawing board on this, but as it seems finished, I'll just recommend it before you create another Rider or write another story for Sultan. He deserves to be his own Rider, you know?
| Guest chapter 4 . 10/23/2011
Of course making the Senshi into villians involves making things up.
Oh, and the word Youma only appears in the first Sailor Moon story arc.
| Kamen Rider Ebon chapter 2 . 5/15/2011
Very interesting story
i love how you twist the saliors scouts into villains
| Jacqueline Landors chapter 1 . 4/27/2011