|Reviews for Yolda and HimeKawa Trapped in an Elevator|
| Guest chapter 2 . 9/6/2014
Yeas man yeas
| Shobhit chapter 2 . 8/24/2014
Please continue im reaaly hooked so please ...
| Samira Vongola chapter 2 . 7/23/2014
| suzugamori chapter 2 . 6/15/2014
| Cochrane chapter 2 . 5/20/2013
Okay, so the continuation is simply more lead-up. I guess I should have seen that coming.
Quick question: Is this supposed to be a story, or a prelude to sex? In my review of the first chapter, I've evaluated it as the former, but that feels unfair now, since it looks very much like the latter. It feels like your goal was to create a scenario that would get the two into bed, and it does that effectively without any real road blocks (rarity of such elevator malfunctions notwithstanding).
As a real story, though, it doesn't quite work for me. There's no actual problem to solve, other than not enough sex happening. You took great pains to reassure us that the one thing that kind of looks like a problem (the elevator) really isn't one. The characters feel as if they're completely secondary. For example, it would have worked just as well with Natsume or Kanzaki instead of Himekawa (except for the fact that they don't use that elevator as often). You don't go into the characters backgrounds, relationships to other characters, or really thoughts other than "so horny" at all.
| Cochrane chapter 1 . 5/20/2013
Not a lot of text, compared to your other stories, so I don't have as much to say here. In general, it's well written, and it's an interesting idea for something new instead of more of the same old Oga X Hilda stuff (yeah, I know I've written quite a bit of that myself. I still like new things).
Some sentences and paragraphs feel a bit more clunky than those in your newer stories. If you decide to continue this story, I'd probably take the time to remove the "Background from the Manga" section here. I don't think any fans need it at this point, and it makes the story feel old.
There are two big issues I see with this story at the end of chapter one.
First, a stopped elevator. While it is a useful trope, I don't think that actually happens that much. I lived in a house with a wonky elevator for five years, and there were plenty of cases where it would refuse to come when you'd call it, or once you were in it, it wouldn't close the doors and start, but I never once got stuck.
Minor issue, but it makes the characters' reaction seem a bit off. I'd expect surprise, annoyance, perhaps even a bit of fear (though not a lot with these exact two), but complete indifference? Yeah, Himekawa is a bit flustered, but that seems to be because of Yolda, not the elevator. This implies that Himekawa has experienced this several times before, meaning he lives in a house with a less reliable elevator than my university dorm. I have trouble believing that.
The other issue is the attraction between the two. I buy that Yolda is horny and doesn't care, but with Himekawa, it comes completely out of the blue. I don't remember him showing any interest in girls before this point (other than for decoration, but I think that was only in the anime). Considering that he is familiar with the red tails, and had Yolda's literal twin tied up and at his mercy before this point, it doesn't make a lot of sense that he suddenly decides "Yeah, don't care about the others, but I'm into Yolda".
Maybe your idea is that Himekawa is interested in girls but just doesn't let it show. I can accept that, but your story does not actually establish this at this point.
Finally, I'm confused as to how the story is going to continue. It's rated T, but I can't imagine anything other than a lemon next.
| Frayner chapter 2 . 5/19/2013
I really like this story and hope you continue. Keep up the good work.
Till next time.
| stewie chapter 2 . 3/19/2013
I love this please make more of this .
| Guest chapter 2 . 1/11/2013
kool keep going
| Himekawa chapter 1 . 12/25/2012
| Guest chapter 2 . 12/15/2012
please continue the story OwO
| DemonIncarnate - Ahahaha chapter 2 . 8/14/2012
Oh my Kami-sama! You made this unlikely pairing work! Please do continue! :3
| tallyhotheory chapter 2 . 8/14/2012
please update :) i'm to curious to find what will happen next!
| FreeGhostLife430 chapter 2 . 8/4/2012
This story is very interesting waiting for the next chapter and more ( also reading and waiting for more chapters of "The Sectet Life Of Hilda and Oga ) please continue (:
| anicraze009 chapter 2 . 7/1/2012
Me like. Please continue