|Reviews for Coming Home|
| words-with-dragons chapter 1 . 1/7/2014
This was fantastic. It's so hard to find stories about this wonderful pairing - their relationship dynamic has so much potential and they really helped each other grow in the film. I absolutely adored this!
| Radio Free Death chapter 1 . 8/15/2013
Part of the review exchange!
Let's say that the opening flowed well and it's definitely believable since it sounds like something a teenager would say, and how people would act. She's not interested in all the attention from guys after what she's been through, and her parents act believably protective without being overbearing.
The one thing I wished could've been more explored was Peter's apparent aging. Jane thought it was odd, and she felt rightfully uncomfortable with him...but then the conflict sort of died. It didn't go anywhere and was brushed aside when Peter persisted on taking Jane with him. I was waiting for something sinister and that didn't happen either. The second half of the story feels a bit rushed in with the buildup that was happening. Really, Peter should've just showed up as a twelve-year-old boy but I suppose that would be kinda creepy considering Jane's a lot older. Still, try to do something with the conflict :P
Regardless, it was a very nice one-shot. Good job!
| LittleMissLiz chapter 1 . 3/26/2013
D'awww! This is adorable! I absolutely love the innocence of all this. You really got right down to the essence of Peter Pan and what it's all about.
I loved the way you wrote Jane's thoughts on her life after Neverland. It was totally accurate. There's no way I'd be happy with going to school and living in my sleepy old town right after an adventure like that. I thought it was so cute how Jane didn't want any of the boys because she still had feelings for Peter.
About Peter, it was absolutely heartbreaking how his longing for Jane made him age. I think your description of him aging was perfect.
The only negative thing I have to say about this is that you switch POVs quite often without a real indication. When you're describing Jane's feelings toward Peter, you suddenly switch to Peter's feelings about Jane and it had me quite confused for a second. Try inserting a break in the page in between Peter's and Jane's thoughts. Here's an example:
"That was how bad it was. His love for Jane, even though he denied it at first, was killing him. To his horror, he even started to age to thirteen, then to fourteen, to fifteen, to sixteen, and finally at seventeen, just a year older than Jane was now. He planned that his aging would stop at seventeen. Once he couldn't stand the physical and mental pain anymore, Peter left that morning to fetch for Jane, to bring her back where she belonged.
INSERT BREAK HERE
Jane had been thinking that this wasn't rational at all. In fact, this was reckless to the nth degree. Flying off with a boy, and never coming back, never seeing her family again…
Something about Peter's smoldering gaze spoke for her. There was this intense look in his eyes, causing Jane's stomach to churn inside. No other boy had made her feel this way before. Is it possible that she was having feelings for Peter Pan? No, he's probably got a whole bunch of girls in Neverland waiting on him, excluding the lusty mermaids, that is.
But this was what she wanted, hadn't she? A life full of never-ending adventure. And maybe Peter being there beside for all eternity had something to do with it.
She reached up and touched Peter's hand that was curved against her cheek. "Okay."
INSERT BREAK HERE
Peter was feeling exultant and it was a feeling beyond words, but he couldn't help but make sure. "Are you sure? You realize that once you come back, you're there for good. No turning back.""
Hope this helped! Great story.
| SapphiRubyCrys chapter 1 . 2/6/2013
aww cho chweet.
| cute kyuubi chapter 1 . 12/16/2012
you should make a whole story i have to keep rereading this to satisfied my needs please
| Ribon95 chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
this was awesome! please continue :)
| Broadwayybabyyy chapter 1 . 5/25/2012
I absolutely adore this! So sweet!
| Huntress3419 chapter 1 . 5/1/2012
Did I mention how much I love that movie too? I wanted it to continue, but I was young and never heard of fan fiction then. I'm glad u wrote thus, it's amazing!
| MythScavenger chapter 1 . 4/26/2011
Awww! So sweet! :)
| Christopher Scott chapter 1 . 4/26/2011
Great job. This story was well-written. It was sweet that he aged himself over in all, this was a good , Christopher Scott: A Grntleman Thief