|Reviews for Mugichan: Chooser Of The Slain|
| Guest chapter 26 . 2/24
It's been a year since the last update. I hope the author will update the story.
| Keio chapter 26 . 4/21/2016
Oh man there's a new update! I'm so glad I came here to re-read after 2 years-I really thought you wouldn't continue it.
Amazing work as always~
| Aleryx chapter 26 . 2/3/2016
More Mugi is always welcomed!
| random chapter 25 . 12/23/2014
I'm so late;-; but I really love your story and every single chapter3 it's probably the best I've ever read and I'm looking forward to your new chapters,if there are...?:( I really hope so. your story is life man.
| Cupcake200155 chapter 25 . 3/7/2014
You are doing an excellent work, I mean it! I love your stories, and specially this one. I want more chapters thought QwQ Even though, I wish your mind takes it easy. It's no fun if you make it perfect, and in the end you don't enjoy it.
| Anon chapter 25 . 1/25/2013
I really love your stories and this one has inspired me to watch Strike Witches. Thank you!
| BritishTurd chapter 25 . 1/24/2013
PLLLEAASEEEE FINISH THIS STORY 3 ! IT WAS SO GOOD!
| VoidInfinity chapter 25 . 9/12/2012
143 reviews. And not a single negative constructive one in sight.
Well, time to change that!
My impression is, that this story's problems don't lie "in the small", meaning in the individual scenes and chapters, but rather "in the large", in the overall construction of the plot; so I will focus on that. Additionally, will concentrate on the story beyond chapter 12, where I think things started to go wrong.
So, get this out of the way first, have my two main complaints about the first eleven chapters:
First, the individual story arcs seem extremely disconnected and episodic instead of being a contribution to an overarching plot line (and as you sometime characterized this story as an epic, this is not what you are going for).
Second, Mugi only ever reacts to the events that happen around her. She never actively seeks out confrontation with the opposition (or does anything for that matter). A passive hero is usually not that interesting and makes the story drag more than it needs to.
Now I'm going to try and explain why I think this story took a turn for the worse at around chapter 12 or so.
Up until this point the story was following mythic structure fairly well, a little rough in some places but OK. In more general terms: I thought we had an established protagonist (Mugi), an established antagonist (Mugitsu), an established goal (get rid of Mugitsu or turn her good) and had already seen some (increasingly intense) battles between the protag and the antagonist/the antagonist's henchmen.
Then chapter 12 and 13 came along and basically went off on a tangent that had absolutely nothing to do with the overall plot (and had a deus-ex-machina villain to boot). The previous chapters at least marginally advanced the main story; virtually the only contribution of that side story was that Pickles and Eila were gone.
Then came chapter 15, which basically ruined the antagonist for me. Yes, it's usually a good idea to show some of the villain's redeeming qualities, but that chapter went a little too far. Don't get me wrong, Mugitsu is a fascinating character. It's just that after that chapter I always saw her as more of a victim of circumstances than a genuine badguy with a plausible agenda. By the way: What IS her agenda anyway? Chapter 15 would have been a good place to at least hint at things, so we're not completely in the dark.
After some not-so-interesting chapters - I didn't really care for the "Taking back the sword"-arc, it really just seemed to be a necessity build around the need to get Mugi another weapon - we have chapter 20, which killed my perceived story goal. Seriously, these events come completely out of left field; I had no frigging idea that any of this would happen. Such a gigantic switch in direction HAS to be prepared with foreshadowing, otherwise it's just jarring, like it is now.
We then leave Sakuragyfli - and with that the antagonist, Mugitsu, who only sporadically pops up in subsequent chapters - behind to embark on a journey with a vague new goal (revive Mio). The conflict between Mugitsu and Sakuragyfli, which took up the entire story up to this point, we completely abandoned. This illustrates the biggest problem I have with the plot - besides the lack of a clearcut antagonist, of course - fairly well: There are dozens of plot points, problems and conflicts, actual and potential, that were introduced at some time but are never resolved. Same thing with some characters, places and objects: Introduced but never used.
- the ghost that fights frost giants (we never found out what that was about)
- the spy that tried to frame Mugi (same here)
- the city of Lutvjarg (introduced in great detail in a pure world building paragraph, never really used)
- Lusefarian and Ayumu
- Sanya's reaction to Mugi after Eila's death (aside from some angry looks there was no reaction at all - I don't buy that)
- Eila herself (especially her coming back to life)
- Magician's Court in Lesfain (I know, that was an aborted plot line, but I still kinda looked forward to that)
Yes, the story is on-going, so maybe some of these elements might eventually reappear, but these are only the examples I could think of on the spot, if I was to explicitly search for these things I would most likely find a lot more. The problem is that these things are really frustrating: You show us something cool (which in fiction is almost a promise that it will be used at some point, Chekhov's gun and all that) and then we never see it again. In the case of the Sakuragyfli conflict this is especially true, because we got really emotionally invested in some of the people who live there (well, the main cast and some side characters at least, we never really got to see that much of Sakuragyfli aside from them, but that's another point I won't dive into). Then we just leave them in uncertainty and that never really set well with me.
So, onto the constructive part: What I think you should do.
First: You need an antagonist. NOW. You actually needed an antagonist at around chapter three or four, not at chapter 26, not almost 250000 words into the story; even most novels don't run that long, especially not without an antagonist.
Second: Thanks to Loki (leave it to the trickster god to repair the plot _) we now finally have an active, tangible goal for Mugi (go to Nifelheim and get the sampo). Don't deviate from that, and try to keep the tangents to a minimum. Try to integrate all the individual plot strands into the main plot line. All of them have to contribute to the progress on the overarching goal somehow. What you really need is a sense of forward momentum, that Mugi is actually going somewhere and doesn't just bumble around a lot.
Random general plotting advice: A story always needs these four things at least:
- an interesting protagonist
- an active, tangible goal for the protagonist
- a conflict (this most likely involves an antagonist that wants to keep the protagonist from reaching the goal)
- a good idea on how you want the story to end that will satisfy the reader
Third: Try to tie up some of the loose ends. It goes without saying that at the end of the story everything has to be resolved one way or another.
To keep this review from becoming longer than it already is, I will leave it at that. Aside from these points, there are of course some little things I could complain about, but they are not nearly as noticeable than those.
One thing on the grammar side though (because it's a pet peeve of mine and I can't resist correcting it):
From chapter 25:
"I am too, Mugi." She replied.
Is wrong, it should be:
"I am too, Mugi," she replied.
Mind the comma and the non-capitalized she. In the first version one might wonder what exactly Mio replied and where that disembodied voice came from that said, "I am too, Mugi," because they're two separate sentences.
You make that mistake constantly throughout the story and it really is the only recurring error I've noticed, so I thought I would mention it.
Before I end this: Despite all the points I criticized, I still think this is one of the best fics in the K-ON fandom and it has the potential to be even
Well, that ends my review. I hope it was of use and I'm looking forward to new chapters.
| bob johnson the third chapter 25 . 8/30/2012
Well, now that I'm all caught up with the story, here's my spoilerific brief review on the whole thing.
Awesome story. I think the way you combined the Norse mythology with the characters from K-On! is great and done very effectively. I'm also glad that you essentially killed off Pickles the cat (after The Price of Attention and what he pulled in this, I was just waiting for that prick to die). I think you've done a great job of keeping everyone in character, but the thing with Ritsu practically throwing Mugi to the dragon was a bit strange and just seemed like a way for you to set up the Mugi/Mio romance. My favorite parts of the story were probably the more comedic ones, such as when Mugi was thinking her perverted thoughts, while the story became more interesting as an overall plot developed. I was a bit disappointed in Mugitsu's selfish decision to kill Mio, but I can see that was pretty much necessary to advance the story. I was hoping she really did have enough good in her to stop her attacks and stuff, but that would have just made for an awkward story direction if the villain is won over with hugs and smiles. I think Mugi talking with her other self (sort of anyways) was a great idea and handled well. I'm looking forward to the rest of the story, but I really wish Minami didn't become a villain.
| Solarius Scorch chapter 25 . 8/26/2012
Nice chapter. You are definitely skilled in plot weaving, unlike... uh, almost everyone else here. I agree with the decisions you took, as explained in the author notes.
| redclouds chapter 25 . 8/9/2012
I would've reviewed this earlier but I kind of lost track of things.
Anyways I enjoyed the chapter, wasn't sure if everything with Louhi was also a dream or not so I liked the scene with Mugi in her potion-fueled haze. Glad to see that she didn't end up being tree food. I like the idea of Pedon staying around with her some more, Mugi needs more friends even if they're just animals.
Looking forward to the eventual reunion with Azusa and everyone else, especially with Mugi possibly being more open to Azusa's affection now.
| Multibeveridge chapter 20 . 8/9/2012
Been reading for a while now, thought I'd finally leave a review. Must say I'm really enjoying it! And I actually enjoyed the romance 0 but hey just me. So yeah will read the rest soon thanks for writing such an entertaining story )
| Angel0wonder chapter 25 . 7/29/2012
I know all about them mcdonalds parking lots, so I sympathize. I like Pedon. She's adorable big wolf. Mugi with no pants fighting Iwasaki sounds like the ideal place to end a chapter. Hope she finds Azusa soon. And I miss Ritsu and Yui!
| Guest chapter 24 . 7/21/2012
*checks previous reviews*
Well, I'm late to the party. Anyway, here's my little tidbit.
Your imagery is astounding. I still love the way you portray the battle scenes. Hopefully you'll survive.
| Solarius Scorch chapter 24 . 6/26/2012
This chapter was... well, it shows the distance you had to conquer to arrived at this point. The chapter was extremely strong; it applies to its entirety, but is particularly evident near the end. Very, very good.
The only thing I honestly didn't like was the mages duel. Why would the enemy wizard cast a paralysis spell on Mugi instead of blowing her to kingdom come? I have no explanation of this other than an extra thick plot armour. You may have to rethink this scene.
Otherwise though... It was perfect. No, honestly. I have enjoyed every byte of this story. It's strong, moving and tear-jerking. And I absolutely love it.