|Reviews for The New Prime Minister?|
| KuraiArcoiris chapter 9 . 4/16/2014
I wanted to say to ignore that other person's review. Yes, your story could use some work, but it is a very fun story to read. And that's all that matters. I hope some day you get back to it. I would like to see how it ends.
| dragonheart967 chapter 2 . 9/9/2013
Okay, I'm gonna be honest here. You have a interesting concept, the premise being new, and it's definitely something I can get into.
Sadly, that's all that's good about the story.
Unlike the bunch pf people who mistake the review box as something akin to the youtube comment section, I am here to let you know of what you did wrong. First, you have no pacing what so ever, both in plot and sentence structure. You convey Alice's feeling way to fast for it to ever be remotely believable, along with an awkward character input that reads robotic rather than alive. Too bland and boring. Hell, you made the character sound paper thin, no depth, just "Oh, thank god he's not bothering me, but I'm worried." Nothing there conveys Alice's personality.
Also, Grammar exists for a reason, use it. I can't really call what you did grammar errors, because that would imply that the grammar you used had mistakes. No, what you had going on was the shear lack of any and all use, every line reading as a straight monotone. It reads awkward and keeps jarring the reader of actually delving into the story.
You also lack descriptions and progression. All you mention is that they walk towards their destination. That's it. You don't attempt to use this as a chance to mention any of Alice's thoughts on the sudden odd behavior of Peter, nothing that really conveys a feeling of confusion or releaf. Just that you say that they are gonna go somewhere else, all on the premise that you want them to be somewhere else, which is fine, if you actually make them take the time that it takes from going from point A to point B to actually do something worthwhile, rather than just say they walk through the hall(s) and are at the garden. There is no sense of time nor a tense atmosphere, nothing that even so much as mentions that Alice feels put off by the new situation, and just rather explain it with a thought process.
The last thing would be the descriptions, or rather, your lack of them. This is something that is meant to aid you in your writing, and ignoring it in turn damages your story all the more. You never go into detail of the look Peter gives the stranger, how Alice thinks of the look on Peter's face, a look of annoyance that was never once directed at her by said person. It's all just a paper thin detail that is incredibly week.
| Reaperdeath chapter 9 . 8/20/2013
Poor Alice. In denial.
| xxxPureRosexxx chapter 9 . 8/20/2013
Yay you continued! Oooo I wonder what's going to happen from here on out. I look forward to the next chapter!
| Yuiko chapter 8 . 8/12/2013
Wats next 2x I wanna kno wat happens to Peter and Alice
| Myst400 chapter 8 . 6/10/2013
| ForeverDelighted chapter 8 . 5/29/2013
Looooooooooooooooving the story! Keep up the awesome work :)
| Sara lovelymusic chapter 8 . 5/12/2013
hahahahah ur too funny! plz update as soon as u can i wanna find out what happens!
| Bunny-chan2022 chapter 8 . 5/12/2013
Oooooh, this is gonna be GOOD...
| xxxPureRosexxx chapter 8 . 5/10/2013
Yay you continued, I like where this is going still. I look forward to the next one
| res123 chapter 8 . 5/10/2013
Dear MissAmuletAngelPotter, I'm happy to see you've updated. I get the feeling the amusement park chapter will be funny. I like how you put the tea / unbirthday party from the movie in this. I look forward to the next chapter.
| Alice-in-Wonderland-fan888 chapter 8 . 5/10/2013
hmm...i wonder what will happen next! Nice chapter, i look forward to the next
| Reaperdeath chapter 8 . 5/10/2013
Hmmm...I was hoping for more Peter, but Blood trolling Mary could be fun.
| Bunny-chan2022 chapter 7 . 5/5/2013
PLEASE! Write more! I was reading this, and I became so sad! Peter doesn't love Alice anymore! You know, now that I think about it. In the real thing, what if Peter really turned out like this one day? Alice did create Wonderland, and it's what she desires, so she likes Peter stalking her and stuff. ANYWAY, WRITE MORE! PLEASE!
| Guest chapter 7 . 12/31/2012
Oh my gosh ! Thank Plz Plz Plz update soon