|Reviews for The Start of a Start|
| whytry7 chapter 1 . 12/11/2011
Nice. The term I believe is Fluff, fluff, and more fluff, but this was good fluff, I think that it's a great portrayal of harry after the battle,oh and thanks for adding me, i hope you like my story as much as i liked yours
| Blanche W-iter chapter 1 . 5/3/2011
Your story was good and well written with just a few spelling issues - which can easily be fixed with a little editing. I'd just like to say that you did well seeing as it was your first story on this site, but it needed a bit more oomph. It needed just a bit more flow. Do you get what I'm trying to get at? Some places just needed a bit less and some places needed a bit more. Try to cut back as much as you can on unneeded or excessive adjectives and avoid telling us things we don't need to know, or at least tell them to us in a captivating way. As John Marsden says: Get to the point! You also need to extend on a motion. Short stories like these are always more interesting if the little things are made big - because that's what you can do with them (unlike with longer novels). For example, instead of writing, "I had some breakfast and left." tell us what happened in that instant. A life-changing conversation, maybe an interesting bit of mail. Of course, this example isn't from your text, but try to take inspiration from it.
Try to get into the character of Harry by reading and re-reading the books. In them, Harry doesn't run away from adversary. He faces it, strong and example of this is when he worked hard, over and over again (at the cost of his personal safety) to get his patronus right. You need a good idea of characterisation and how different characters react to different situations. Maybe you could have put a bit more backstory into Ginny's sudden appearance. Perhaps you could have changed the point of view to tell us what was going on. Harry simply woke up, and she was there! All mistakes and hurts forgotten and ready to forgive. You've given everything to the reader. Which is good in some cases, but you also have to have us yearning for more, right? If something happens that we don't like, dont worry! Ít'll just make us want to read more to find out if everything is righted in the end. If we know everything, the story ends up dull and a bit boring, try to work on this. A trick of writing is to know when to give the reader what they want or not. You can affect and evoke so many emotions with writing, and I hope this is what you do with this skill.
In summary, very nice work and I hope to see more in the future, but practice is needed. I hope this review was helpful to you!
| MrSkeeter chapter 1 . 4/28/2011
Very nice start. I look forward to seeing your interpitation of future.
| Meridian Diamond chapter 1 . 4/25/2011
Seriously, that was kind of nice! Are you sure this is your first fanfiction? You're actually a whole lot better at writing than some! Oh, and K means for everyone, K means for children 9-12 years, T is for 13 years and above, M is for 16 years and above.
| bookbabes chapter 1 . 4/25/2011
I love this story! It's well-written and it seems to be good. I hope you can update soon!
| DanielWhite chapter 1 . 4/25/2011
excellent so far