|Reviews for Nico in love?|
| LookHowUniqueandWittyIAm chapter 1 . 4/29/2011
Oh my...this is just...holy crap.
First of all there is a thing on fanfiction known as a Mary Sue.
Pala is one of them. She has an unbelivably horrific past, is prettier the Aphrodite kids( Though she sounds like Rouge with glass eyes. Colors of the wind, cute metaphor but it doesn't work) she is also insanely tough and hardcore and has killed a bunch of monsters with no training whatso ever and a freaking sabertooth tiger( exticnt BTW) follows her around.
Does this seem like a realistic character at all? It's ludacris even in the PJO universe.
You skip around alot! I mean slow down, that whole handcuffing fiasco could have easily been a chapter by itself.
And oh my Jesus take the wheel! You need to press enter everytime there is a new speaker!
Break up your giant wall of text into smaller paragraphs.
Percy and Annabeth are OOC and yeah...
you obviously have alot of ideas just try to sort them out better.