|Reviews for The Apocalypse According To—|
| letthefirefly chapter 1 . 1/15/2013
I love you for writing this! You captured Happy's /Hito's characters so well :)
Too bad the story 'a sugary demise' is no longer on FF... I'm heartbroken.
Anyhoo, great job. I like Anathema!
Fact: She didn't give a ****ing **** She was going to shoot this man. Love that line!
| xbluexrainx chapter 1 . 5/12/2011
Well, it was great anyways :D
Strange names, really... oh well.
| Indigo Shade chapter 1 . 5/7/2011
I really liked this :) It's clever and told in such a way that we get to see the characters as human beings. Especially Momo. Who doesn't like Momo?
Quite possibly my favorite line in the history of the world: "But then, he remembers that she's just a bitch in sheep's clothing." I laughed at that. I don't laugh at anything when I'm reading, and you made me laugh :)
The only thing is, I'm not sure how Anathema's life twined with the others. I thought she would be Momo's girl, but then I wasn't sure. Then I thought she had something to do with Vani's father's death, but then I also wasn't sure. In some way, this actually worked to your favor, because it gave Anathema a really strong sense of mystery and unbelonging (that is not a word but I hope you know what I mean) like all she really is, is a highschool girl who's tryin' out new ways of making money. Fact: she should have tried prostitution, there are less killers involved ;)
I really liked the way you broke up the sections, by the way. Absolutely brilliant way of giving the reader background facts without making them obtrusive.
Um, sorry, grammar part ):
"the chances of she living" should either be "the chances of /her/ living" or "the chances /that she was/ living." I... I don't know why they make it like that...
"(I don't want" (to make you sad with grammar) but that parenthesis never got closed and now it's floating in the in-between space with no friends ): Also just something to think about? Because you skip right from there to the next set of facts, which are centered, it looks like you forgot to center her thoughts and is a little... distracting?
"It's been three-seconds." I can't tell if I should say anything about this, because I actually really like it. Although the hyphen doesn't belong, I feel like it makes you speed up the way you read, "three seconds" which is actually really clever and I'm just scrapin' the bottom of the barrel right now because this was a brilliant piece of writing.
Um something to think about? Just that when she shoots him in the femur, it says she hasn't killed him. That is about as true as saying that shooting someone right next to their heart will let them live. :/ Motorcyclists actually die every day just because they /break/ their femur, much less are shot in it. It's because you'll probably do something to harm your femoral artery, and without first aid and immediate attention, you bleed out in five minutes, give or take thirty seconds depending on age and weight. So if she ran away and left him in inexorable pain in an alleyway where no one can see him... she did kill him, she just didn't stick around to watch the aftermath. :/
This sounds mean, doesn't it? I don't mean it that way. The only reason that I'm bringing it up is because the rest of your story was so wonderfully realistic and well-written that it was a little jarring I guess.
Anyway this is a /fantastic/ piece :) Please keep writing. No seriously. I need to read more of your stuff.
| fiendies chapter 1 . 5/2/2011
Fact: I'm am so terribly happy you entered.
You have this super style that's like, wow, man, I wish I could do things like this but I can't gosh darn it. This entire thing, was perfectly flow-y, you know, like the prom dress that's ju-st right that totally matches the cutest shoes ever? That was the sort of feeling I got from the story. Not that that made any sense whatsoever.
Technical aspect was lovely too; wonderful spelling and grammar and all that jazz.
Also, I love Anathema. She's like lemon tarts; sweet and sour and kind of delicious. I love that she doesn't want to really kill anyone, she's just getting by in the most efficient way she can think of.
Thank you so much for this, it was fantastic!
| CoffeeIncluded chapter 1 . 5/2/2011
I rather liked this one. You seem to work well with this particular writing style.