|Reviews for The Clash of two Worlds|
| Blinded in a bolthole chapter 2 . 9/12/2012
Well, while I like Shampoo better than any other of Ranma's fiancees (because of her cunning and deviousness mostly), Ranma here IS right about her.
She moved from murder attempts on Ranma (by any means necessary) to trying to marry Ranma (Also by any means necessary) and Ranma would have been a suicidal idiot if he was not afraid of Shampoo and her rather underhanded and vicious tricks.
And the fact that she did not fail to disappoint did not help her case with Ranma.
| VlightPhase chapter 5 . 9/11/2012
You're doing a wonderful job this time of showing us how Akane and Shampoo are relating and establishing later plot devices. I like how Akane and Shampoo are each trying to "improve" the other one despite both of them having their own faults and obstacles. I think you did a better job portraying Ranma's reactions to their friendship as well. It still gets me how poor Mr Pu gets parenting advice from probably some of the worst sources ever: Genma and Soun. I do feel that Shampoo's and Akane's agreement at the end is better written, I can almost feel their troubled understanding of what the other is saying conflicting with their own pride.
| Santamadre chapter 1 . 9/10/2012
Its kinda cute. I like the interaction between those two. :D
| Ganheim chapter 4 . 8/7/2012
Sorry about last time, my review was cut off and I didn't realize it until preparing for another round of reviews.
the gold and marble and silk
[Shampoo’s room appears several times in the manga, and once in the anime if I remember correctly. It doesn’t look like an Anachronism Stew, it looks like a relatively ordinary Japanese teenager’s room, complete with Super Famicon and TV]
[Counterproductive, I think. Either that or she’s trying to refer to contraband (since walking around with those weapons WOULD lead to your arrest in Tokyo)]
the only thing they were good for was to make a stupid fight something potentially deadly
[This is a rather stupid sentiment to have. Weapons allow skill and technology to help balance a fight against stronger, faster, more numerous, and/or more violent/less restrained enemies. Weapons like the tonfa (sometimes referred to as a “knightstick” in certain English regions of the world) and quarterstaff even allow you to safely incapacitate a much more dangerous enemy. Ranma and Genma were training with nunchaku in the anime and with rods in the manga, and I seem to recall Akane and Soun training with polearms]
He always defeated every enemy with the power of his body alone
[Not true. Ranma has used weapons before, he simply prefers to fight in various “open-palm” styles, and after developing ki-attacks he basically has ranged weapons that can never be disabled or stolen from him like a handgun]
feel powerfull just
Shampoo turn Perver
It be promize
Kodachi leapt over her head, cackling madly and swirling her ribbon around herself. Ukyo ignored her. She was desperate…but not THAT desperate
[Okay, THAT’s funny]
to Suyiro and Yuko
[You need to be careful about your spelling. Especially regarding names. “Suyiro” is not a Japanese name – they don’t have a “yi” phoneme (or at least haven’t since Classical Japanese, I haven’t studied that). The other friend of Akane is named “Sayuri”]
"She ditch us last night
[Uh…no, it was Shampoo who grabbed Akane and leapt over the rooftops]
Boys didnt gossip
[Lies. Politics and gossip exist at all levels of society, among both men and women]
"I thought Kodachi was the third one
[Fourth one, according to most reckoning]
Could we focuse
mistreat you, Mr Pu
[I think you are misunderstanding Shampoo’s name: it’s made up of two hanzi, collectively they make up “xianpu”, not two characters that just happen to sit next to each other as “xian pu” even if that’s the syllable separation. Many people unfamiliar with Chinese and Japanese make this mistake, but best to keep things accurate to major cultural elements like this. If you don't consider "Joketsuzoku" (literally 'tribe of women heroes) to be her clan name, which I would definitely support you on, you could easily make something up. Or just avoid it by giving her father a name which is never clearly specified as his given or family name. If the story was in Japanese you'd have a word specifically for "your father" or "other person's father", but English doesn't have as much lexicon devoted to social circles]
| VlightPhase chapter 4 . 8/6/2012
I definitely enjoyed this chapter. The added details help a lot.
How you handled the skull this time was more believable, but I hope you include Shampoo's explanation of why she was carrying her Mother's skull. I think the explanation in the last version did a lot to show how different Shampoo's viewpoint is.
The glimpse of Mr Pu's background was good too, it helps explain a bit more how he interacts with Shampoo.
There still are a few spelling and grammar errors here and there, so be careful about that.
Thanks for the chapter!
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 7/23/2012
Ranma hated fighting woman
[women – and this is more verbal bluster than anything else, women who impugn his ego are often quickly on the receiving end]
It's horrible claws
[“Its” is the possessive, “it’s” is the contraction of “it is”]
had being unable
It had being bent
into an unrecognizable mass of iron
[A mace is a bludgeoning weapon. How does this make it unusable?]
studies in Joketsuzoku Medical School
[It could as easily read “favoured member of the Chinese Secret Police” and Ranma wouldn’t be able to read it. He, Genma, and Soun all explicitly stated an inability to read Chinese]
She had being warmed
Artist not a child
She had being turned
back to human by Ranma
[Ranma did it? I thought he was too afraid of cats to come near them? Or did he simply insist on that]
her eyes were close
[Most people’s eyes are close. They’re attached. Or did you mean “closed”?]
…like a chicken
[Never heard of chickens doing that. All manner of caribou, horses, and other animals in positions not traditionally associated with rest (including humans), which makes the choice of a chicken (normally a disdained creature) all the more odd]
absently wipe some drool
to find the gentle forgiving soul that lay beneath
[Or the heart of a jerk…]
worry about the Tendos
had being being forced to
[had been forced]
And since Shampoo was Akane's friend
Ranma had being proud
favors she owned the
Amazon had being repaid
with its throbbing scar
[Has it been there long enough to be a scar?]
then it was her back
[I just want to point out that futons may not be as soft as Western mattresses, but proper futons are generally just as comfortable as far as orthopedics (presuming the sleeper doesn’t have a spine condition or something like scholiosis)]
"She looked like hell
[Does not match Kasumi’s speech patterns – and she’s seen worse, so it makes less sense than something like what TV Tropes would call a Precision F-Strike]
Anything he did had her to jump to the conclusion that he either loved her or was pursuing her
[Granted, he DID do so in the reverse-jewel arc. I can’t remember if it was the same in manga and anime but it was highly characteristic of Ranma – he’s not a complete jerk, but trying to say he’s not a jerk is simply not facing the facts]
she made it clear to Ranma by giving him cold glares
[I suppose there’s little character development of Akane here, just like in the series. Pity, I was hoping for more than the nascent relationship development that occurred in the series where Status Quo is God]
morning to inquiry if
had also seeing fit
react to her bellowing so
empty save for a potted
it had not being
Men were not supposed to do that sort of things to women, no matter how angry they might be
[But it’s okay for women to bludgeon men into paste, if the female cast of Ranma is any indication. Ah, double standards…]
[Feels a little odd for a space to sit in the Chinese equivalent for ‘goodbye’, but I guess that’s all up to interpretation]
where Shampoo had French-kissed
[That was not what the scene described. Given that Shampoo has a Kiss of Death and a fanonically termed ‘kiss of life’, it’s probably very like the Mediterranean cultural practice of a ‘kiss’ of various sorts (many no more than touching cheek to cheek) to indicate closeness and agreement]
She would turn on people and make their lives miserable if things didn't go her way
[Standard trait for all characters in the Ranmaverse. When the slightest accusation goes Ranma’s way, even Soun tends to become an emotional rage]
"No, she's not! She's just Shampoo
[Shampoo can be dangerous, it just depends on character interpretation if that danger is necessarily true, or just a possibility]
forced stillness of such an important limb may ruin it
[It’s called muscle atrophy, and especially when muscle fibers are cut by a slice or penetration there is physical therapy necessary to restore a level of lost functionality. Depending on the thickness of tissue cut through and where it is, sometimes full strength and dexterity can never be restored]
"Kill with no honor is still good kill
[This does not fit Shampoo’s actions: there were too many instances of times when Akane’s back was turned or she was asleep that Shampoo could have assassinated her but never did. She didn’t even do so when Pantyhose Taro handed the opportunity to her on a silver platter]
"I put you curry on it
[This is not a good comparison: plants and animals have different biochemical barriers. Water a plant with a liter of your favourite coke (which a human will have no problem drinking) and that plant will not do extremely well. Feed a plant with your favourite liquid plant food and it’ll have no problem, but the nitrates will not make for a healthy human]
"You've being here
[been – although I don’t see why she’s so surprised about Ranma knowing about back doors when he often travels by rooftops]
He had always being a
against the door frame so she could walk into the house first
[…and over the old man who Shampoo knocked over]
Akane had ever seeing.
If she would have looked behind her
[Wait, does she? Or is this unnoticed? Why describe it if it’s not noticed and thought in some manner important]
dispatched with short dry answers
the intricated Clan System
ever giving birth to
mistake of be-friending
[It’s usually “befriending” without a hyphen]
It was not an art of war but of peace
[You can do a lot of things to martial arts, but you can never take the “martial” out of it]
Arrow what shoot from Xue Dong never stop if no hit prey."
[Reminds me of the Celtic legend of the spear Gael Bolg]
No made in China!"
[Was this a joke?]
She moved in the wire
[on the wire]
Shampoo gave a stepped towards
You aint like her, Akane!"
[Given both canon and your own portrayals (which are not the same, but they aren’t always), this is true. It is true on several levels]
heard dead threats
Ranma even threaten someone
has never being blood
for generosity is a rare gift to receive and must not be taken for granted."
[This conflicts with the previous statements]
"Article 5 of section
[50 or 5?]
You say it yourself
"I dont think she
infuriated at her
[Isn’t it normally “with”?]
[Missing closing punctuation]
Much the contrary
[to the contrary?]
never being in China
a more frecuent sight
and nailed into someone's soul quite deep
[I understand the idea, but it’s phrased awkwardly. “It could be driven deep into the soul” would probably be a more clear yet still poetic way to put it]
stop their pribate little war?
his descend into the
his unsoportive female
[“unsupported”, unless you’re trying to say his body is somehow fighting against him]
concealmente of the Tendo Dojo
[I’ve read this a few times and still am not quite sure what it
would have never got spread
[never been spread]
to them. Live
[I thought that the Ranmaverse typically took place in the late 80s or early 90s, which is before the proliferation of cell phones. I also want to point out that it’s very unlikely that a High School student would have the money or proper phone plan to make such a large conference call, it’s more likely she’d tell one friend, then those two would tell two friends, then those four friends…]
leaving tips wasnt
away from Furiyima's gates
[Unless she’s stopped at a different school, that should be “Furinkan”]
and attached herself on Ranma's neck
[Leeches can do this. Humans can not. She could have hugged or grasped him around the neck]
waved her goodbyes
[It’s usually just “goodbye”]
"It isnt such
and she breacks things
We asked a delivery of Ramen one day, and when we couldnt get to the door in time she just broke through our wall."
[This whole sentence is confusing. First: Shampoo knows how to properly deliver food, this is shown in the anime and manga take-out race. She knows that she’s capable of being a “walking wrecking machine”, but people don’t tip well when you break through their wall and that’s where a lot of the money for deliveries comes from]
but she wasnt a
The lack of popularity descended even more
[English has a rather mathematical way of handling negatives. What you just phrased means that she might have become MORE popular or well liked. Did she do something most Nerimites respected? Or did she do something they disliked? If they disliked it, then it’s likely that Ukyo would become more liked]
coffe or a sake bile
[coffee or sake while]
babbling in chinesse.
[Shampoo’s clan is usually depicted speaking Mandarin, but the overarching language family (which technically includes many languages, not all of them using hanzi) is “Chinese”]
bussy staring at Yuko
are my friend
Id like you
The Amazon didnt sound
[Actually, “Joketsuzoku” is the Japanese reading for the tribe and translates literally to “people/tribe of women heroes/fighters”. The place is generally transliterated as some variation of “Nyanzhizu”]
I wanted to see Twilight
[Why are all of the pop culture references English? And I suspect american? What about Japanese pop music sensations like Gakt, or directors like Akira Kurosawa?]
didnt even knew
[didn’t even know]
Shampoo winced but accepted the correction in silence
[I think it’s amusing that Shampoo mostly speaks with a stereotypical Chinese accent in the original Japanese. It’s only in the English that her speech becomes entirely mangled. Just noticing]
the gold and marble and silk
[Shampoo’s room appears several times in the manga, and once in the anime if I remember correctly. It doesn’t look l
| The Reality DumPer chapter 12 . 6/3/2012
I don't see an end sign. Your work was great, I enjoyed reading it all the way. When's the next coming?
I'm just curious on why Shampoo kissed Akane at the zoo...
There's a number of errors in word usage, but not much on the grammar, but I can live with that.
Shampoo's speech just seemed like trolling...hehe
| WatUCWatIC chapter 12 . 11/9/2011
update soon...update soon...
| James Birdsong chapter 12 . 10/27/2011
Cool of course
| VlightPhase chapter 12 . 10/27/2011
Somehow I don't think Ranma is going to be able to defeat Cologne like he thinks he is. Either that or there will be some weird misunderstanding about what is going on. I really would to see Shampoo talk to Akane next chapter. Poor Mr Pu.
All in all another very good chapter. It was very fun to read.
| tuatara chapter 12 . 10/27/2011
Holy crap! I'm hoping the other people from the bus are okay.
It's good that Ranma understands what Akane was trying to do by ending the engagement. Now to see what happens to Shampoo.
Thanks for the update! Good work.
| JeremyGU chapter 11 . 10/19/2011
Great chapter. The imagery was really good when Akane was barely conscious, and the way Ranma was acting is exactly how I'd have expected him to be in this situation. I'm very curious as to where the next chapter is going to head.
| VlightPhase chapter 11 . 10/12/2011
Good chapter. I feel bad for Akane, no one believes her about her relationship with Shampoo, and now Ranma, after Akane already decided to give him up, is confessing. Poor Ranma too, I hope he succeeds in changing Akane's mind again. I liked the part where Shampoo was searching the hospital for Akane. I hope Shampoo finds Akane without worsening her injuries.
| tuatara chapter 11 . 10/12/2011
Sigh. It was quite good once again, but this whole engagement ending thing after Ranma has actually declared that he loves her is causing me much stress. I need resolution quickly, dammit!
| ryu238 chapter 11 . 10/12/2011
What? Why did she end the engagement?